


The Coldplay Anthology

by Jomarch05



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-12 11:21:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 60,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jomarch05/pseuds/Jomarch05
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coldplay and highschool faberry</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Yellow

**Yellow**

_**I drew a line**_

_**I drew a line for you**_

_**Oh, what a thing to do**_

_**Coldplay**_

"What the fuc.." Puck glances at Rachel at least looking a bit contrite before continuing, "…Hell is she doing?" his voice is part incredulous and part scared as his eyes are trained on the small figure currently trying to scale the fence protecting the back door of Big Al's Liquor and Gun store. The anemic spotlight bathes her silhouette in yellow and Rachel swears she can tell just how sad Quinn is, just from the way she moves.

But she is still distracted by Puck's words and tone. "Noah, first of all, language!" Rachel's eyes are trained on Quinn as well, her hand already on the handle of the door. "We have to stop her." Her words flow out as she scrambles from the car, only to be stopped when she feels Puck's hand on her forearm.

"Whoa there, where do you think you're going? You said only surveillance, nothing else. The last time you tried to approach her, Mack hit you. Hell!" This time he does ignore her glare, "Rachel, she's not Quinn anymore. Maybe you should just go home."

Rachel had been somewhat surprised when Puck had agreed almost immediately when she asked him to accompany her on this stakeout. Initially she figured he was horny again and just wanted to get in her pants knowing that she had finally succumbed to Finn's charms and they had slept together the night they lost their Nationals slot. It had been a spur of the moment decision. Rachel thought that the act would augment their relationship but physical connection just never translated into anything more.

And luckily for her, Noah wasn't looking for that. He had looked worried and tired and after a bit of prodding, she understood that he had taken it upon himself to look out for Quinn in his own way. Be it, ensuring no one disturbed her under the bleachers, to watching her at night, if he knew she was going to do something stupid.

Ever since that first week of school where she had tried to get Quinn to come back to Glee, Rachel too had tried to keep a lookout for Quinn. Always disappointed when she noted Quinn skipping another one of the few classes they shared together and hoping that she wasn't trying to flunk out.

During her free period, she would loiter by the South side entrance to the school because it was the door most often used to get to the bleachers. Rachel never questioned why she felt compelled to just see Quinn. They never talked, just passing each other by, only sometimes making eye contact. But those instances made her feel that Quinn understood she was there for her, if she ever needed her.

And Rachel adamantly refused to question why she felt the impetus to just have that small measure of interaction with Quinn. She put it down to being a Good Samaritan as much as accepting that she was predisposed to worrying about any of the other Glee members if they looked so sad all the time. She didn't want to admit that what she was doing just made her seem more pitiable than her previous constant need for approval from her fellow Glee clubbers.

She knew what was pushing her and that feeling she would get in the pit of her belly each time she saw Quinn even remotely looking her way. Or when she'd spy Quinn staring at her when she sang in Glee. Rachel just could never really understanding why she could see such naked emotion from Quinn only at those fleeting moments and never anywhere else despite her always looking out for them.

It was funny because on the outside, Quinn didn't look sad. In fact, she looked scary and snarly and at times a bit unwashed. But Rachel always saw more that what was on the outside. With Quinn, it was always her eyes that completely gave her away. And Quinn's eyes used to sparkle.

Even when she had been pregnant and had felt abandoned and alone, Quinn still never gave up. She had bouts of melancholy but nowhere near as pervasive as they seemed now. Every time she saw Quinn, Rachel felt helpless and so very sad like Quinn's emotions were so raw and powerful that they could traverse the distance and affect her so acutely.

So she pulls her hand from Puck's grasp, "She's still Quinn and I can't go home." Rachel walks towards the back of the store, not really sure of what she wanted to do and still wary of running into one of the skanks.

Puck had been right to worry about her. She hadn't expected Mack to hit her when she had gone looking for Quinn again, the second week of school. Quinn hadn't been there and Rachel thought nothing of turning around to perhaps go to the library or the auditorium to practice. The blow from Mack had knocked her to the ground and the pain almost blinding that she thought she had blacked out for a few seconds.

Only to come to and hear Puck's confrontational voice threatening Mack if she ever touched his fellow Jew again. He had swept her up, his arms such a contrast from the hard dirt, his voice soothing even in her dazed state. He hadn't shouted at her, which she appreciated although he did warn her to stay away because he couldn't look out for both of them.

It had taken her two days to finally realize that he had been looking out for Quinn as well and it had taken her three weeks to work up the courage to ask him to join forces and try and help Quinn together. Her bruise had faded then but the memory of the pain she felt lingered, mixing with the ache she felt in her belly, each time she saw Quinn strutting down the halls looking belligerent and alone.

"What do you think she's doing?" her voice hopeful even as she turns to look at Puck and sees the expression on his face. "Maybe she's meeting someone?" the tiny shred of hope that Quinn was not being reckless completely disappearing as she hears the shrill alarm followed by the sound of a gunshot.

She runs towards the fence, actually ignoring Puck's expletive laden tirade as he runs behind her. In fact, she has a few choice words of her own when she sees the back door to the store slam open spilling light and a disheveled Quinn out, to her utmost relief.

Puck takes a running leap and jumps half way up the fence, taking an additional few seconds before he's up and over. He does not glance back, thinking that there was no way Rachel as diminutive as she was, could do the same. Except he's never seen her in ballet class, the height of her side leaps eclipsing most other students.

She follows Puck's move, jumping up as she anchors her fingers on the chain link fence. She does not see the barbwire at the top until it cuts into the back of her knee as she propels herself over.

The pain is fleeting and she pays it no heed because she's focused on Quinn prone on the ground, suffused by yellow light, as she clutches the side of her stomach, tears coursing down her face.

Puck's already by her side and Rachel can hear him trying to get Quinn to stand up even as the sound of shouting and threats of calling the police emanate from inside the store.

"Quinn, we have to go." He tugging at her hand accompanies the urgency in his voice.

"You have to carry her." Rachel's instructions finally getting through as Puck scoops Quinn up like he once did for Rachel, before heading back to the fence.

"Put her in a fireman's carry and you need to climb back over." Rachel's further words, anchoring him and preventing him from panicking any further as he does what she says and slings Quinn over his shoulder, thankful that the ex blonde, now pink haired wild child was not fighting back and almost docile.

He takes a chance and jumps from the top of the fence, holding tightly on to Quinn before turning, expecting to see Rachel behind him once again. Only she's still on the other end of the fence, in fact walking towards the open door. Like a lamb to the slaughter and it's that very thought that causes him to call out.

"Rach. Get over here now!" His words pushed out through gritted teeth because he has an inkling as to what she wants to do and does not approve in any way or form even if he knows it will save Quinn. "Dammit, just get over here, you don't have to-"

He wants to shout when he sees the large beefy hand grab at Rachel, pulling her into the store, the door shutting loudly even before Rachel can finish her yelp of surprise.

He backs away towards his car and only then does Quinn react as she tries to twist her body and get away from his hold. It just makes him hold tighter, his hand pressing into her side and it's only her loud hiss of pain that makes him stop. He quickly unlocks the back door of his car and pushes her inside.

"What the hell are you doing?" She literally snarls the words even as she tries to kick out at him. He notices the blood seeping at her side and he feels like crying even as he realizes that Rachel was wrong. The Quinn they knew didn't seem to exist anymore.

"Saving your ungrateful skanky ass, you.." He wants to call her names and highlight that Rachel Berry, the one person she had tortured and ridiculed throughout high school had just sacrificed herself.

Except, that point becomes so obviously clear when he hears sirens in the distance and his eyes finally meet Quinn's. It's so fast that he can't be totally sure but its then that he finally sees a spark of remorse and recognition in those bloodshot hazel eyes.

"Fuc…Damn." Rachel's not there but in deference, he cannot curse as he slams the back door and hurries to the driver side, praying that his engine does not fail him as he turns the key in the ignition.

"You're leaving her?" The sound of Quinn's voice at odds with her words because she sounds incredulous.

Puck slams his hands on the driving wheel, the pain reverberating up his arms but it's enough to prevent him from reaching over the front seat and smacking Quinn in the face. He knows he would never be able to actually do it even if he feels with all his being that for once, she did deserve to have someone literally knock some sense into her.

"She gave herself up for you. If I drop your good for nothing ass off at the front door of Al's, and god help me, I truly want to. Then she'd still be in trouble for nothing." He sees her swallow at his words and knows that she realizes he's just inferred that she was nothing.

"I'll drop you off wherever and then I'll…" he does not know what exactly he could do but he won't abandon Rachel even if he needed to confess to whatever Quinn had done and take the blame himself.

"Her dads…" He puts the car in drive and eases back onto the road, as he looks in the rear view mirror, waiting for Quinn to finish her sentence.

"Call her dads, I think one of them is a lawyer. Hiram Berry..Maybe..."

Puck nods as he turns on his headlights, not wanting to get pulled over and have to explain the bleeding would be felon sitting in his back seat.

"Are you ok?" his gruff voice highlighting how worried he is about Rachel and how much he still cares for Quinn even if he adamantly refuses to admit it.

He sees her wince as her hand goes to her side. She looks down at her hand and he can tell that it's coated with blood, from the way her face goes pale.

"Rachel's other dad is a doctor, I think. Dermatologist. Like a surgeon or something…maybe..I…" He feels lost but Rachel's not there and Quinn's hurt.

"That's a skin doctor. But he'll be able to help." She's in pain but she won't show it. However, Puck could always read her as she feels the car accelerate because he knows she may not be conscious for much longer.

He's attention is evenly split between the wreck of a girl in his back seat and the girl he left behind. Rachel never really asked him for much. In the beginning, he was her avenue to making Finn jealous. But then a weird thing happened wherein he found himself protective of the tiny would be diva and she found herself trusting him so much so that he would be the only one she'd tell her secrets and fears to.

The development of that relationship so gradual that he only realized it when one day, she had come to school looking all hot and oh so very sexy and the only thing he felt was a need to slap Finn and a few of the other jocks who had looked at her as if she had been a piece of premium steak.

He had also refrained from making any comments, not even winking at her, instead he had offered her his letterman and kept an eye on her the whole day, just in case.

And he could say the same about Quinn. She definitely didn't expect anything of him, the minute the both of them had signed the papers for Beth's adoption. But he had carried his Jewish guilt with him, balled up tight in the middle of his gut. Always there, a reminder of what he had done to Quinn.

He had thought that she had weathered the bump so much better than him most of junior year. Her cracks really only showing towards the year-end and he thought it had finally culminated in her cutting her hair.

Summer had come around and his pool cleaning business had taken up so much of his time. He thought he had seen a glimpse of her, all pink hair and attitude, hanging off some middle-aged dude's arm. But he put it down to too much sun, sangria and spending most of the afternoon bedding the mom of one of his juvie cellmates. It had been one part revenge and one part a need to prove that he was still a stud.

He finally ignores the speed limit when he notices that Quinn has finally passed out and he does not take his foot off the accelerator until he finally screeches to a stop right in front of Rachel's house, thankful that the lights inside were blazing.

**End Part 1**


	2. Everything's Not Lost

**Everything's Not Lost**

**  
**

_**Now I never meant I to do you wrong**_

_**That's what I came here to say**_

_**But if I was wrong then I'm sorry**_

_**But don't let it stand in our way**_

_**Cause my head just aches when I think of**_

_**The things I shouldn't have done**_

_**Coldplay**_

Puck wipes his hands on his jeans, his movements still jerky as he sits on the too comfortable couch and watches Rachel's doctor dad examine Quinn. Her face is so pale and her eyes are closed and for a split second, Puck feels his heart clench at the thought that he could lose her.

He already feels like a complete and utter asshole because he had left Rachel behind. Despite her loud voice and larger than life personality, he always noted how tiny she was and it made him want to protect her. Only, he hadn't been able to do it tonight and it's eating him up inside as much as seeing Quinn in pain.

Then he sees her blink her eyes open even as she hisses from Dr. Berry's touch. There's blood, too much of it in his view but he's just a punk assed kid according to Rachel's other dad who's currently on the phone in the next room. His deep low voice carrying such that Puck can hear him arguing with the person on the other line. They're talking about Rachel and all he can glean so far is that she's being held somewhere and hasn't said a word.

He stands up then, his eyes still trained on Quinn and he can see that she's trying to follow the one sided conversation in the next room as much as he is. She lets out a small cry before she bites down on her fist even as Dr. Berry's voice tries to coax her to relax. Puck needs to do something even though he does not know what he can actually accomplish so he sits back down, his face even more stricken because he hadn't managed to help either Rachel or Quinn tonight.

"Quinn? Honey, it'll hurt less if you just relax a bit. The local anesthetic I gave you will kick in any minute." He looks at the boy sitting on the couch, trying to confirm that that is the name of the girl he's working on. The nod he gets makes him sigh as he wonders what could have led to this mess.

The wound on Quinn's side is superficial but still nasty and he can tell that it's either from a bullet graze or something just as dangerous. But all he could get out of Noah Puckerman was Quinn's name and the fact that Rachel wanted him to help her.

The boy had stumbled up to their door, almost kicking it down as he carried the girl, blood coating his hands and his voice breaking even as he pleaded for help. Invoking his daughter's name was all the impetus Hiram Berry needed to grab his medical bag as he looked around for her familiar face.

Then the boy had dropped the bombshell that had sent Leroy into a fit. Rachel wasn't with them. She had stayed behind to clean up whatever mess they had created. He had sounded so guilty and contrite as he pleaded for them to help Quinn and Rachel. Highlighting that Rachel had chosen to stay behind and apologizing profusely for leaving her. Hiram had ushered them in even as he told Leroy to call Rachel's cell.

He can hear his husband's voice take on that authoritarian tone and knows that it's serious but he cannot split his concentration because the girl under his care needed him right now as well. He trusts Leroy implicitly. He had been there for him since the beginning and he knows how much they both love Rachel.

Still it's difficult for him not to feel worried about his daughter. Rachel always gave so much of herself, sometimes more that she should and it worried him that right now, she may have given too much.

"When you last saw Rachel, was she ok?" He directs his question at Noah even as he sees Quinn looking at him, tears in her eyes. He can't tell if it's from the pain or triggered by his question. He knows a bit about her. Rachel who was the most verbose child tended to be reticent when it came to things that hurt her. And Hiram knew that Quinn was one of the people that had hurt Rachel.

It was the way Rachel would say her name at the dinner table, her voice falling, losing its luster. He hated the fact that not many people could see the miracle of his child. Her voice and indomitable spirit was something to celebrate but people like Quinn had bullied her instead. He had been thankful that it had tapered off when everyone seemed to have come together for Glee, their sophomore year.

And Rachel had glowed. There were still bouts of self doubt when she would come home with a different set of clothes than when she left that morning but those instances were few and far between and she had even told him how she had managed to connect with Quinn Fabray because of their shared connection with Shelby Corcoran.

Hiram truly hated that woman and had been secretly happy that she hadn't taken Rachel away from them even though it saddened him to see Rachel grappling with the snub. All he really wants is for his baby girl to be happy.

He looks up at Noah expectantly and sees him nod in answer to his question; only his relief is short lived when he hears Leroy's deep voice.

"She's at Lima General Hospital under police guard." He exhales the words as he looks down at his hands and can see that they're shaking. Hiram used to joke that he had the steadiest pair of hands between the both of them and that was why he had always been the one to carry Rachel as a baby. Only now, he can't seem to stop shaking because his baby girl was hurt and he had not managed to talk to her but at least he had heard her in the background, her voice subdued but recognizable. "She's awake but hurt."

Leroy knows he can demand answers from the two delinquents currently in his house but right now, what he really wants to do is to drive over to Lima General and carry his daughter back. His subsequent words though have an almost immediate effect as both the boy and girl move almost in tandem.

Noah Puckerman's out of his seat even as Quinn Fabray cries out in pain as she tries to pull herself up from the couch.

He watches as Hiram catches his gaze while his healing hands and words try and placate Quinn, "You're not going anywhere, at least not yet." He still feels her struggle and can see that she's in pain but trying to ignore it. "Quinn, I love my daughter and if I thought I could get her back by sending you there now…Well, I would." He looks into her clouded hazel eyes and can see that at least she's listening to him.

"But I also trust her to always do the right thing and if she thinks that what's she's done tonight is right, then all we're going to do is see how we can help her without getting either of you in any further trouble." He sighs, knowing that Leroy would see things slightly differently but that was why they were so good together. They tempered each other and at least Leroy's tenacity was going to get their daughter back without sacrificing Noah or Quinn.

"You're coming with me." Leroy points to Puckerman. He wants the full story of what happened tonight, but more than that, he knows that his daughter trusted Noah Puckerman and the way the boy had looked when he had begged for their help highlighted that underneath that pseudo bad boy exterior, he had truly felt remorse and guilt for not helping Rachel.

Giving him a chance to do something now was the right thing to do as Noah looked like he was barely holding it together just sitting there on the couch. He's glad that Hiram trusts him enough not to protest even if he sees his eyebrows rise in question. But his husband has his hands full with Quinn Fabray. He had wanted to call the police when he realized that she had a minor gunshot wound but Hiram had listened even if he had wanted to react and in the end, all that mattered was getting Rachel back safe.

"We'll be back soon." His voice is heavy and before he leaves, he strides over to Hiram, his hand brushing his brow before he leans in for a kiss. Normally, he's the one who's private about any show of affection, living in small town America priming him for being discreet. But he cannot hide his love and will not pretend in front of Rachel's so called friends. If they were adult enough to get his daughter arrested, then they were adult enough to be confronted with this.

Leroy's eyes meet Quinn and she does not break the gaze as he sees surprise coupled with fear there. He wishes he could tell her that there was nothing to be frightened about but he has a more pressing issue as he stands wearily, gesturing to Puck to follow him.

#$#$#$#$#$

Rachel tries to control her urge to shiver, convincing herself that she's just a bit cold and everything was going to be fine because at least she wasn't in jail, at least not yet. She tries to flex her knee, the thick white bandages preventing her from bending it too much and knows that it's also preventing her from making her escape.

It's a stupid thought anyway considering the cop currently trying to flirt with the night nurse actually has both her driver's license and her phone.

If she had wanted to escape, she should have done it when Big Joe, who apparently had bought over the store from Little Al, had dragged her into his shop. Only she couldn't run when she saw the shotgun on the table and the hole in the wall, it had caused when he had shot at Quinn. There's drops of blood on the floor which she knows belongs to Quinn and it all becomes so real and scary.

She can hardly think straight because the only thought going through her mind was Quinn could have died tonight and the only reason she was possibly still alive wasn't because Rachel or Puck had looked out for her or saved her. It had been pure blind stupid luck. And Quinn had been stupid beyond reason for even attempting to do what she did tonight.

So Rachel didn't try and run or even argue when Joe handcuffed her to a chair and then handed her over to the police officer that finally showed up. She didn't even realize she had been bleeding all along; drops of her blood mixed in with Quinn's, a mingling splatter pattern on the floor. It was only when she had stood up and started to keel forward, blood running down her leg and causing her to black out.

She had come to in the hospital, a young intern working on her wound while the cop tried to get a word in edgewise as he talked on her cell. From his side of the conversation, she could tell that he was talking to her dad, the deep tenor of his voice as recognizable as was the effect he has on people when he's angry.

She had called out, her voice softer than she had liked but she knew he had heard her because his voice even sounding so tinny over the phone has risen. So all she knew she had to do was wait and hope for the best. Which in her mind meant that Quinn was ok and Puck wasn't too angry and she'd be able to sleep in her bed tonight instead of staying in the hospital or worse spending the night in jail.

Rachel's so caught up in her thoughts that she doesn't hear her dad until she sees him, his stance antagonistic as he stares down the shorter cop trying to bar his entrance into her room. She gets her stubbornness from him even if she didn't get his imposing height. And soon, she feels her tears let loose when he finally strides up to her and engulfs her in a hug.

She stutters at his questions, her tears and fear getting in the way; yet still trying to ask a few questions of her own, her heart almost stopping when she sees Puck loitering by the door. His hands deep in his pocket and his head bobbing up and down as he tries to see if she's alright.

Officer Shelton, she's finally able to read his tag, looks at Puck and then at her and she wants to tell Puck to leave only she can see that he won't, not after what she did. So she whispers to her dad, reluctant to show him the bruises caused by the handcuffs but she needs to get out of here and she really wants to know that Quinn is fine.

She's coherent even through her tears, explaining that she had been dared to climb over the chain link fence in order to tag the door. Not going as far as to swear that she was alone but highlighting that Joe smelled of liquor and not because he worked at the store but more because he sampled the merchandize. Adding to that, he had only caught her and the other girl that he had described, purple hair and a nose ring seemed to have just been a figment of his imagination.

She even managed to explain the blood outside the door, citing her own wound. And as she knew he would, her dad's threat to sue Joe for unlawful incarceration and the Lima Police Department for withholding medical attention to a minor finally got her released with a warning.

She's surprised when her dad actually carries her, forgoing the wheelchair. And only when she's sure that she's safely ensconced in the car, does she ask about Quinn. She places her hand on top of Puck's and waits for his response only he does not say anything as if he's scared.

And then Rachel realizes why as she sees her dad's stern expression as he looks at them through the rear view mirror.

"Is she ok?" This time, she directs her question at her dad. "Dad!"

Leroy notes that her voice is firm although she's tired and still weak from the blood loss but her gaze does not waver and he's reminded for a split second of looking at Quinn. "Your daddy's looking after her. She's a bit hurt but he's a good doctor." He wants to warn her, tell her that whatever she thinks she's doing, she'll only end up getting hurt.

But she's looking at him like he's always been there for her and truth be told he's always tried and so had Hiram. They loved her beyond reason and because of it, he cannot deny her anything and all he can hope for is to be there for her when she needed him, like she did tonight.

#$#$#$#$

Quinn can feel the pain in her side but still lies to Rachel's dad when he asks her about it because she figures she deserves it. Besides, it was better feeling that than feeling nothing. And she's tired of feeling nothing and feeling like nothing.

She sees him packing his medical supplies and she finally stammers the words out. "Tthhank you and I….I'm ssorry." It's soft and strung together but she knows he's heard her when he sighs, takes off his round glasses and looks at her. The softness of his eyes reminding her of Rachel's.

His hands moving as he tries to polish his round frames while waving off her words. She can see he wants to say more but is distracted when he hears the front door. Instead, he pats her on her shoulder before making his way to the door, hopeful to see his daughter and anxious to ensure she was alright.

Quinn strains to hear anything, only picking up the low murmur of voices and at least thankful to hear Rachel's higher voice interspersed with her dads' and Puck's. Then she hears her name and a short silence that follows.

She pushes through the pain, going down on her knees as she bites the inside of her cheek before making her way towards the conversation. The bits she picks up, highlights that Rachel's not telling them everything and despite everything she had done to Rachel; the diminutive brunette was actually protecting her and deflecting her dads' questions.

It's all too much for Quinn. She does not want any of this and all she can think to do is to leave. She feels light headed but summons up the last of her strength as she stumbles her way to the kitchen and pulls open the back door. She almost pitches forward but lands against the door, her side now completely on fire such that tears are streaming down her face.

She thinks she's dreaming until she feels Rachel's arm around her middle and her voice soft in her ear. "Please don't go." She wants to tell her that she can't stay but her consciousness is fading and all that comes out is one word.

"Beth."

**End Part 2**


	3. Clocks

**Clocks**

_**The lights go out and I can't be saved**_

_**Tides that I tried to swim against**_

_**Have brought me down upon my knees**_

_**Oh I beg, I beg and plead singing**_

_**Come out of things unsaid**_

_**Shoot an apple off my head**_

_**And a trouble that can't be named**_

_**A tiger's waiting to be tamed singing**_

_**  
**_

Rachel can hear both her fathers talking downstairs and wonders if she should intervene and plead her case to her dad, because she knows that her daddy would always cave first. She had not disobeyed them in any way but she does still feel guilty for making them worry. And she can't forget the look on her dad's face when he saw her in that hospital room.

She's currently in their spare room, the pale green and blue bedspread draped over Quinn's body and the girl who's been occupying her thoughts constantly is finally out for the night. The sedative that daddy had given her enough to soothe the blonde's frayed nerves and take away her pain. Yet, Rachel can't bring herself to move, especially her hand which has somehow found its way to covering Quinn's fingers that are peeking out from under the covers.

It's the second physical contact she's had with Quinn since the school year began. The first was just over an hour ago when Quinn had tried to sneak out and Rachel had been there to catch her when she collapsed. She had been so scared to see how pale Quinn had looked and to realize how much weight the girl had lost such that even with her small stature, she had been able to take on most of Quinn's weight until Noah swooped in and took Quinn away, her daddy telling him to take her upstairs.

She had wanted to rush up with her daddy but she could feel her dad's eyes on her and knows that she owed him an explanation especially after he saw the way she was with Quinn.

" _I know what I'm doing." Her voice does not waver and she's almost sure he buys it until she looks down and sees her hands trembling._

" _Sweetheart." Leroy has never been the one to judge people considering his entire life; he's fought against prejudice based on first impressions or his own singular preference. He had fought hard to ensure that Rachel was brought up to understand that. And she probably did, better than he had expected. Except she's still his daughter and he does not trust Quinn Fabray._

_Hell, he barely trusted Noah Puckerman and had made that point perfectly clear each time he saw the boy. However, he can see that Rachel has her mind set and when that happened, he knows it's almost impossible to change it although he's more than willing to try._

" _What you did tonight…It was stupid and reckless." The call had almost sent him into an apoplectic rage especially when the officer had refused his request to speak to his daughter. He expects her to protest but is surprised when he sees her contrite expression as she nods at his words._

" _But I would do it again."_

_And that reply, he does expect even as he sighs and runs his hand through his hair, before landing on the back of his head as he rubs it._

" _Why?"_

_He remembers holding her in his arms, barely three days old and knowing that she was going to be their life. Hiram already took such a stronghold of his heart but even then, he could feel so much love for the tiny baby nestled in his arms._

_And watching her grow up, it was difficult not to want to protect her from everything. Each time she came home with a scrapped knee or a bruise, it would tear at his heart. But to see her come back with her shoulders slumped and her bag heavy with slushied clothes, it made him want to rail at the world on good days and hold her and never let go on the bad ones._

_Hiram always knew what to say though, when to push the point and when to just let her find her own way and right now he can hear his husband's voice in his head. 'Just let her talk it out and maybe we'll see what she sees.' So he stays silent as he looks at his daughter chewing her bottom lip, her eyes downcast as she prepares an answer for him that he knows he's not going to like._

" _Because it's what you taught me to do. It's how you raised me." Rachel wants to work up to the whole truth eventually. But telling her dad is so different from dropping hints to Noah. She knew Puck would only believe what he wanted to believe and their oblique conversations could be taken in a hundred different ways. But her dad knew her and to admit something like this to him meant that she finally had to admit it to herself as well._

" _I…"She finally lifts her head and looks at him, their eyes meeting and she can see love and acceptance in his. But above all, she knows that he will never judge her no matter what and that gives her courage._

" _I think I'm in love with her." The words seem to hang between them, heavy and intense but Rachel does not break eye contact as she sees so many different emotions flit across her dad's face. There's surprise mingled with understanding and finally settling on apprehension as he sighs as her words._

" _I know right." She chuckles even though it comes out more like a pathetic snort. "Rachel Berry, Queen of the Outcast falling for fallen Queen Fabray." She's had time to assimilate her feelings, paring them down and accepting that try as she might, Quinn had always been in her thoughts. Whether it was in relation to Finn or when she had tried to help her when she got pregnant or even now when all she wants to do is to save her. Quinn was always the only constant._

" _Maybe it's just a stupid crush and I know..." She swallow audibly because she can predict how it's all going to turn out but she's Rachel Berry and she can't not plunge ahead even if she's so sure that all she's doing is opening herself up to get hurt or worse._

" _I know Quinn is not going to reciprocate. But maybe I can just help her find her way again. If that's all I can do…then it'll be enough. It will be enough." She repeats the words and does not realize she's crying until she feels her dad's thumb on her cheek as he catches that first tear._

_It's a promise he and Hiram had made the first time they held her and rocked her to sleep that first week. To always support her, be there for her and catch her when she fell. To never limit what she could do because in their minds she was limitless._

" _Ok." It's all he says; Just that one word, not linked to any caveats or show of displeasure. Just acceptance that she wants to do this and even though he is so damn afraid she'll get hurt, he'll still let her do it because they'll be there for her every step of the way._

She hears Quinn moan and she hopes that the girl is not in pain even as she sees her face twist in a grimace as her body shudders. Rachel's not sure if she should call her daddy, knowing that he was already so tired after his shift at the hospital and also taking care of Quinn in the intervening hours since.

So she bites down on her tongue as she places her hand on Quinn's forehead, gently stroking it. She starts to hum softly and she notices that Quinn does not stir as much and soon she begins to sing. Her voice soft but edged with so much emotion, because this is the first time she can truly show herself to Quinn. It feels like she can finally be honest and not hide everything that she's feeling. And it doesn't matter that the girl is unconscious because Rachel knows deep down, Quinn can hear her, her plaintive voice surmounting their divide and blanketing Quinn with her love.

She finishes the song and can feel Quinn settle back into slumber as the lines on her forehead smoothens out and Rachel does not know what to do next. She feels spent, like absolutely bone tired such that she thinks she may never feel energized again. But then she looks down at Quinn's profile, the way her nose twitches and the curve of her throat, even the uneven pink streaks in her otherwise beautiful hair. And she feels that spark within her ignite again.

Just like that, just by looking at Quinn, she knows she'll be ok, at least until the blonde ends up breaking her heart. Rachel knows that it was inevitable that it would eventually come to pass but she also realizes that she won't avoid or ignore the situation because she was just not built that way.

She had been raised to face all challenges head on and to go for what she wanted. It didn't matter if the odds were completely stacked against her or if she knew, like now, that it was a lost cause. She needed to experience life, if she wanted to be an actress and sing on Broadway, she knew then every bit of life experience she had would make her a better actress for it.

She just prayed that her broken heart would be worth the price and that eventually, she'll be able to finally find love with someone who was not Quinn Fabray. She's so tired now that she can barely keep her eyes open as she slumps forward, her head resting just next to Quinn's such that she can feel her breath ghost over her.

Rachel knows she'll be more comfortable in her own bed but she just can't bring herself to leave and her fingers are still semi intertwined with Quinn's hand.

#$#$#$#$#$

Quinn blinks her eyes open, once, twice and only on the third time, does she realize that there's a mass of brown hair obscuring half her vision. But what she does see are the blue floral curtains blocking the rays of sun even as a beam or two breaks through each time a breeze hits them.

She does not register the pain as yet as she tries to figure out where she is and who is next to her, smelling of strawberries and honey. But as soon as she moves her hand, does the pain hit her with full force such that she can help the strangle cry from escaping even as she tries to clamp her mouth shut.

"What's wrong?" Rachel jerks backwards so fast, she almost falls off her chair even as she stares wildly around, wondering if she had accidentally hurt Quinn somewhat. Her words tumble out and her hands are poised just above Quinn's torso as if waiting for permission to touch her.

All the memories from yesterday come flooding back to Quinn like in a deluge such that the physical pain that she's in, is relegated to the back of her mind as she recalls getting shot and Puck's angry voice while at the same time remembering Hiram Berry's soothing tone and lastly Rachel's voice singing to her.

She can't quite recall it actually happening last night but the remnants of that memory is so strong that she can't quite deny it either. It's only when her mind plays catch up with her body does she feel the fire in her side and cannot help tears from leaking out as she stares at Rachel and whimpers, "it hurts."

Rachel does not even hesitate as she takes off like a shot, her voice already announcing her intent as she shouts for her daddy, reminding him to bring his medical bag. She's so focused on her task that she barrels headlong into Puck, only just missing landing back on her butt because he grabs her by her arms, almost lifting her off her feet.

"Whoa, where's the fire?"

She blinks her eyes rapidly trying to calm herself down but she can still feel her heart racing at the thought that Quinn was in so much pain. "Quinn'sawakeandshe'shurting." Her words come out all strung together because saying it any slower would make it all the more real.

She sees her daddy run pass her and struggles to get out of Noah's grasp, ignoring the burning pain from her knee. Only he has a hundred pound and about ten inches on her.

"Rach, you need to calm the fu...Please, just calm down." Rachel knows it's a losing battle and she stops struggling but he still does not let her go even as she cranes her neck to peer into the room.

"Are you alright...I mean you look..." He takes a breath knowing he's walking on thin ice especially when talking to Rachel about her looks. But he's worried about her. She's always been someone he trusted and to a degree, someone he loved. He wasn't in love with her but he did love her in his own way. Rach, you don't look so good."

And right now, she looked pale and wan but most of all, she looked scared and he hated that wide-eyed look that was tinged with panic. It was fine if it meant he needed to beat up some bone-headed hockey jock who slushied her or pushed her in the hallway at school. But he knows that this look was probably brought on by Quinn and he just does not know what to do with that kind of knowledge.

"I'm fine, Noah. Maybe just a little tired. I..." She stops when she hears Quinn's small cry. Her eyes darting back to the room, her body already angled towards it until she feels Puck's hand on her arm.

"I just need some coffee." She sighs on the last word; wishing that she were older and she could rely on a shot of whisky or some other alcoholic beverage to take the edge off like she's seen her dad do when he had a bad day in court. It would probably help lessen the aching throb of her knee as well even though she knows it won't mask the pain in her heart.

She knows Puck doesn't fully believe her but he won't argue because she's looking at him with those wide eyes of hers that are probably luminous because of the sheen of tears. And she tries to hide her smirk when he relents with a grunt, turning on his heel, his hand still on hers as he leads her to the kitchen.

Her dad is at the table, his glasses perched on his nose as he pretends to read the newspaper. But she knows he's just waiting for them to sit down before he starts with the third degree. She can tell that Puck's already wary as he looks at the door and back at her dad, trying to gauge if he can slip out without a word.

"Sit." It's her dad's deep voice that causes Puck to flinch and she finds it adorable although she knows he doesn't as he slowly ambles to the chair as far away from her dad as possible. She finally takes pity on him as she pours two cups of coffee and grabs the box of froot loops, bought especially for him.

It's only after she sets everything down does her dad fold the newspaper and casts his critical eye on her, taking in the shadows under her eyes and her paleness. She feels self-conscious but understands that like every person currently in this house, except maybe for Quinn, they were all worried about her.

"Did you at least get some sleep?" He knows she did not make it to her own room and had been so tempted to carry her to it but her hand had a vice grip on Quinn's even as they slept and he just didn't have the heart to wake her.

"Yes." She's about to launch into one of her world or at least Lima famous speeches only her daddy comes into the kitchen.

"Quinn is asking to speak to you." He does not look happy at the request even though Rachel can't help the smile from forming on her face. At least until she realizes that Quinn's hurt and probably angry and the only thing she can expect from her is probably not what she wants to hear. But she nods as she stands up surprised to see Puck mirror her actions and to hear her dad's words. Rachel knows he does not like her choice because his words sound so much like warning. "Honey, we'll be right here."

"I'll be..." She wants to say fine but she does not know if she'll ever be that as yet. "Noah will be just outside." She stresses the words and stares at Puck until he relents and nods.

#$#$#$#$#$

When she enters the room, Quinn's at least not screaming although she still looks like she's in pain. There's a sheen of sweat on her brow and Rachel has to curl her hands in her pockets because all she wants to do is to reach out and brush that lock of hair off Quinn's forehead and try and sooth away her pain like she had done the night before.

"My…my daddy said you wanted to see me." Her voice is at least unwavering even if she feels like she's walking along the edge of a cliff and one small misstep is all she needs before she falls. Only she has to at least be honest with herself and note that she' already fallen hard. She shakes her head at her thoughts and focuses on Quinn.

Quinn's head is in profile and Rachel holds her breath as Quinn finally meets her eyes and utters one word that somehow bridges the distance between them.

"Why?"

Out of all the words and questions she could have picked, Rachel is mildly surprised at Quinn's choice. But what she does know is that she can't fully tell Quinn the whole truth as to why she's doing what she's doing. Even in her head, she already sounds muddled; trying to explain it to a drugged out Quinn would only make everything worse.

So she sticks to the basics, "We're all a family in Glee, Quinn. Even if you don't think so, even if you think that you don't want or need our help, we're always going to be there for you. I'm…" She's straying from her plan and she bites her lip hard, almost drawing blood.

But Quinn's looking at her with her hooded eyes and she feels compelled to say just a bit more, to maybe put herself out there, dip her toe in the proverbial boiling water, "I'm going to be there for you."

And those words also form a bridge between them, Rachel standing by the door and Quinn on the bed and those seven words breaching the gap between them. It's not a declaration of love or anything close to it but the way Rachel says them, how each word is infused with more meaning that just the obvious, it makes Quinn take notice.

She does not fully comprehend the situation or Rachel's hand in all of it but she knows that if it wasn't for the brunette, she would be hurt or dead. And despite everything she had done to make Rachel's life difficult, Rachel still wanted to help.

She's never been good at accepting anything but right now she has no choice. "I…don't take charity." She sees Rachel open her mouth to retort but pushes ahead.

"I'll pay you back…somehow...eventually…I'll pay you back." She closes her eyes, the words already taking a toll on her because like Rachel's declaration, she too means what she says.

She hears the door click shut and is surprised to see Rachel gone and the room suddenly gets less bright. But she's tired again and she does not dwell on it as she slips back into sleep.

**End Part 3**


	4. Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall

**Every Teardrop is a Waterfall**

_**Maybe I'm in the black, maybe I'm on my knees**_

_**Maybe I'm in the gap between the two trapezes**_

_**But my heart is beating and my pulses start**_

_**Cathedrals in my heart**_

_**As we saw oh this light I swear you, emerge blinking into**_

_**To tell me it's alright**_

_**As we soar walls, every siren is a symphony**_

_**And every tear's a waterfall**_

Everything seems to settle until Quinn wakes up two hours later and demands to go home. Rachel stands behind her daddy as she wrings her hands, a nervous tic she had apparently picked up since she started shadowing Quinn.

"I'll call your parents, explain that you're hurt." Her daddy's voice is calm but she can tell he's running out of patience by the way he's rubbing the side of his temple.

"No." Quinn's poor choice of monosyllabic answers is not really helping even as she restates her demand. "I need to go home." At least, this time, she's just stops short of shouting the words.

They've been going back and forth for the past five minutes with Quinn shutting down all of her daddy's overtures until Rachel finally blurts out the one word that she knows Quinn will have to answer to because she had answered the same question just a scant few hours ago.

"Why?" Her voice is soft and she says the word so earnestly that there is no mistaking that she just wants to understand.

Hiram does not think the belligerent pink haired wild child currently arguing with him will actually acquiesce to his daughter's question. But his jaw drops open when Quinn actually does, her voice going soft and matching Rachel's in tone.

"Because…because I can't afford to get kicked out…." There a pause that lasts for so long but Rachel holds her breath, "again." It's one of her nightmares that never seemed to go away, never knowing if that one next thing that she'll do will be the last straw for Judy Fabray. Her appearance aside, Judy expected the same grades and absolutely no trouble from her. Which meant never getting caught. Figgins and school were easy but she never expected to get shot.

That act would fall into the category of too much trouble and she can already predict what Judy will say if Rachel's dad called. So she struggles to lift herself off the bed. Gritting her teeth against the dull throb in her side, knowing that leaving here meant leaving the good drugs behind.

She's not looking forward to the pain but she also can't afford to find herself homeless again. So she squeezes her eyes tight figuring if she doesn't see anything, she might feel less. Only it does not work until she feels Rachel's hand on hers.

"What if we called your mom together and say we were working on our extra credit Biology work and then had to choose a song for Glee and you fell asleep because I started playing you the entire oeuvre of Bernadette Peters." Quinn's eyes pop open because the story not only might work but Rachel's entire scenario highlighted that there had been thought behind it and once upon a time, it might have actually been possible.

She sees large brown eyes looking at her and she's again taken aback by how much emotion she can discern in them. Quinn's always known how dramatic Rachel Berry could be. The girl was a mess of feelings supported by a voice too large for her tiny body. She oozed emotions and it always made Quinn uncomfortable.

Except at this very second, it gives Quinn comfort because Rachel looks and sounds like she believed. She can see Hiram Berry looking aggrieved but he holds his tongue when Rachel turns to him. "Daddy, you already put your career on the line when you treated Quinn."

Rachel knows she's selfish here and her dads have gone beyond their comfort zone in the past twenty-four hours and yet she was still expecting them to continue. But in this respect, she knows she also needs to protect her daddy. "If her mom makes a report, if anyone finds out. You could lose your license."

"Please let me do this." She's pleading to both of them for their agreement to let her protect them now. Her daddy nods first and then Quinn finally does.

#$#$#$#$#$

The call had actually gone well. Judy Fabray already slightly drunk had not even noticed Quinn had not come home the night before. Russell was on a business trip and Quinn managed to get her mom to agree to let her stay at Rachel's until school on Monday. She's not sure if her mother would remember the call but at least she's sure that for the next day at least, her mom would be preoccupied with getting as drunk as she could get, knowing Quinn wasn't around to stop her.

She feels guilty for that but it's not a new feeling and she adds it to her growing list, Beth, Puck, even Rachel, all the people she had let down and would continue to do so.

"Hey, I brought you some soup." Rachel places the tray by the bed, so tempted to ask what Quinn was thinking about a few seconds ago. She had looked so sad and it made Rachel's heart ache but she knows there's just nothing she could really do about that except to learn to acclimatize.

Quinn's stomach growls in responds and she smiles uncomfortably when she hears Rachel let out a snort. The brunette actually looked mortified; trying to gloss over it by offering her the grilled cheese sandwich she was holding in her hand. "It's actually Sheese, um non dairy cheese… but my dad swears that you can't tell when it's grilled"

"Thank You." She wants to say more, to actually really thank Rachel not only for the food but for everything she and her dads have actually done for her. Only Quinn knows that just words are not enough and she needs to do something to pay them back. She sees Rachel nod shyly as she tucks a strand of her hair back behind her ear, before turning around to walk towards the door, her head down and her hands again shoved in her pockets.

"Rachel?" It's not the first time Quinn has said her name. However, considering that it's only happen maybe a handful of times, Rachel remembers them all and this time, she notices that there is a hint of acceptance in the usage of her name. Previously, when Quinn would use it, she could feel it being spat out of Quinn's mouth or dropped like it wasn't worth much.

She tries to keep the smile from her face but it still shines through when she turns around, her eyebrows slightly raised as she looks at Quinn.

Quinn hadn't really thought about what she wanted to say, she just wasn't used to seeing Rachel look so small. Granted, the girl was tiny but the way she bent her head and heid her hands deep within her pockets made her look even smaller. And now that she's called her, Quinn scrambles to put words together, "Um...I...join...um would you like...to join me for lunch."

And Rachel's smile, which was already nice, blossoms into something nicer and Quinn smiles back, finally feeling more at ease. "If you accord me five minutes, I'll proceed downstairs and gather my own lunch items and come back up to join you. I'm sure my dads will forgo our Saturday lunch ritual this one time." Rachel resists the urge to skip out of the room, her knee was still bandaged and she didn't want to risk falling and not being able to accept Quinn's offer.

She stops short of the kitchen when she hears her dad's deep voice. "She's lying for her now." Her dad's voice hasn't reached his angry stage but Rachel knows he's probably at Defcon 4 right now. She feels like barging into the kitchen and grabbing her plate but something stops her.

"No, Leroy, she's lying for me." Her daddy's voice always more even.

"Because you were put in an untenable position by that boy and..."  _Defcon3_  Rachel puts her hand on the door, wanting to stop this, hoping she could make it better.

"Leroy, stop. They're children and they were scared. Remember when we were scared?"

"They were old enough to have a baby together."

"And you know that has never been a good yardstick for maturity." She can picture her daddy rubbing his temple, "Rachel wants to help this girl." He says the words with such a heavy sigh that it makes her tear.

"And we just ignore the fact that both you and I know she'll be the one hurt in the process."  _Defcon 2_  Her dad's voice actually not rising when he's that angry but dropping to a lower register, like he's feeling each word inside before expelling them.

"Better we're there and know when it happens then to be kept in the dark. She told you she was in love with the girl. If we…if we stopped Rachel from seeing her, from helping her…what do you think she'd do?"

She hears a heavy sigh from her dad and knows that they're embracing, their show of love always so simple and straightforward, a touch here, a hug or kiss there. There's always this connection that she wishes for herself because it wasn't just physical but an augmentation of that amorphous connection that they shared. She had tried with Finn and Jesse and even Puck and the physical link was always there but not that nebulous connection. At least until she realized that she did feel that pull, only it was to Quinn and not any of the boys.

Rachel pushes the kitchen door open to see her fathers hugging it out by the island. "I'm going to each my lunch with Quinn." She does not let on that she's heard their conversation. But they're not stupid as her daddy reaches out with his finger and catches that one tear that has traced a path down her cheek. "Careful sweetheart, I just don't want to see a waterfall of these."

She can only nod, not trusting herself to speak because he's telling her that they may support her but he somehow knows it will end in copious amounts of tears.

And Rachel can't placate them or deny their view because deep down, she feels the same way. But she won't let herself not try so she grabs her plate and glass of juice before kissing both her fathers and making her way up to Quinn's room.

#$#$#$#$#$

Sunday sees Quinn finally up from the bed and steady enough to have dinner downstairs. Hiram didn't expect her to make it so far by herself. He has to give her credit though because she's breathing hard and probably in more pain than she's ever been in her life maybe besides childbirth. But she still pushes through.

"I'll give you a pill for school tomorrow, to help with the pain." He can write her a prescription but he does not want to worry about what she'll do with the rest of the drugs.

"Mr. Berry, Mr. Berry." Quinn's been practicing this speech most of the day. Only stopping when Rachel came by first in the morning to bring her a bowl of cereal and to talk for five minutes before they both ran out of things to say that didn't remind them of Finn or Puck or Glee or getting shot.

And then again when Rachel brought their lunches up, their afternoon conversation better only because Rachel had thought of talking about their English Lit homework. So they spent the time arguing over Virginia Woolf's view of on the relationship between gender, money and creating works of genius, which kept them occupied until Quinn had dozed off.

But Quinn had developed an internal clock that told her when she needed to move on. Getting kicked out of her own home had honed it into a life skill which she uses now as she sees the two men exchange glances throughout the meal.

She knows Rachel's been staring at her more than eating and that's actually making her feel guilty and more self-conscious. So right now, she takes a deep breath having gotten everyone's attention, "I know that me saying thank you is not even remotely enough given what you've done for me." Her hands feel clammy and she rubs them up and down her thighs before continuing, "But I am going to say it, so Thank You." She looks all three of them in the eye, one by one, finally settling on Rachel.

Her next words seemingly meant for the brunette, "I don't know why you'd put yourself out but I am grateful and I promise I'll pay it back eventually." She does not know how but it didn't mean that she wouldn't figure it out eventually. "And I guess I'll get out of your hair after dinner."

She sees Rachel's face fall at her words and realizes that the brunette probably didn't believe her, "Or I could just leave now."

"No." Rachel almost stands, only to catch herself at the last second as she looks at her dads. "You're still hurt and infection could still set in forty eight hours after an injury. Your mom may not know what to do but...well daddy would. "She looks at her father, her eyes pleading.

Hiram sighs, "Rachel's right, Quinn. One more night and Rachel can drive you home after school tomorrow."

Quinn sees Rachel actually start to eat from her plate and just nods, not wanting to create another scene.

#$#$#$#$#$

Walking into school the next day wasn't as uncomfortable as Rachel had envisioned. Quinn entered first, wearing one of Rachel's plaid skirts paired with a black sweater which used to have a bunny on its front until Rachel spent four hours unpicking it the night before. She remains a respectable fifteen feet behind them. Enough to watch Quinn's gait and gauge if she truly was ok.

Puck had met them outside and he was the one walking next to Quinn, not touching her but ever ready to step in if she needed help. She still tried to saunter but her steps were slower, the wound in her side probably hurting more than she let on.

It made Rachel want to hold her hand and offer her a shoulder to lean on but she knows Quinn would rather hurt than lean on her so she just bites her lip and tries to plan her day so she'll always be nearby to see Quinn go from class to class.

She's so preoccupied that she does not see them until she stumbles into her first cheerio.

"Watch it freak."

Rachel can tell she's a sophomore because she hasn't yet acquired the sneer to go with the words. But apparently she's more than willing to earn her stripes as she steps into Rachel's space and pushes her backwards into the lockers.

Rachel's head hits one of the protruding locks and the pain brings tears to her eyes but she does not give the girl any satisfaction as she sees the five girls surround her. "I..."

"What, freak. You what? Because the next word out of your mouth better be sorry." They're always the same every year, made from the same mean, rude, entitled mould. The same taunts and the same disdain and she is finally sick of it all.

Rachel's voice starts out soft only to gain momentum as words tumble out. "Sorry? Yeah, I think I am. Sorry to have to see you every day, sorry to know that people like you who think they're better than me, better than most of the students at this school, actually exist. You will never be more than what you are now. And I'm sorry to tell you that out of the five of you sharing that one brain, you're still going to flunk your classes, lose all your friends and probably get pregnant and end up like..." She stops because she so did not expect to go there only she had and as her eyes search for hazel ones, she catches a glimpse of pink hair rushing into a room.

She starts to take a step forward but the punch stops her cold as she doubles over before falling to the ground. She feels a kick to her back and she rolls to her side just in time to see Puck pull three of the girls off her as the other two step back.

And as usual, Figgins is the last to arrive, dispelling the small crowd and ordering all seven of them to his office.

#$#$#$#$#$

"Does it hurt?" Puck saw her get hit and he had been tempted to slap those cheerleading bitches only he's still on probation and settled for pulling them off Rachel and getting to her as quickly as he could. But not fast enough such that he can see the slight bruise forming on her jaw as she absently rubs her back.

He had been too focused on Quinn, only realizing something wasn't right when he heard Rachel's rising voice. Rachel's words not making sense until he looked at Quinn's face.

She had gone from her cool indifference to shame so quickly, before stumbling into a classroom. And he had been tempted to follow until he glanced back to see Rachel surrounded; his choice then so easy.

Rachel just nods, not trusting herself to speak, not after the debacle in the hallway. She just wants to find Quinn and tell her that she didn't mean to refer to her. It was just that Quinn was constantly on her mind and it just came out all wrong. Only Rachel knows that telling Quinn that, was way worse than just admitting that she had been referring to the ex-cheerleader in her tirade.

She feels her tears threaten to fall and hates that her dad is right so she swipes at them. "Do you think she'll be in class?"

Puck purses his lips, trying to think, "Maybe you should just give her some space. What you said…" He does not want to make things worse and he knows that despite her recent words, she had been the one to save Quinn.

"I…I can't Noah. I have to at least see if she's ok and give her the pain pill." It's an excuse but she does not want to try and explain her motivations to Puck, at least not yet.

"She'll push you away." He's always been able to predict Quinn. "Don't let her." And he knows Rachel too. He doesn't fully understand either of them but he's loved them in his own way and maybe he thinks this is the way it's supposed to be. "She's probably under the bleachers."

Rachel's steps are measured. She's been down here before and the memories were far from pleasant. But she can see Mack and the other two skanks lounging by the side of the track and knows that for the next twenty minutes, she's safe at least from them.

She sees Quinn on the ground, her knees up and her head down and it breaks her heart. "Quinn." Her voice is tentative and Quinn does not move. "I brought you your pill. My dad says that you should."

She stops when Quinn's head jerks up, her eyes red rimmed and she can see the tracks of tears on her cheek. "Leave me alone." Each word is enunciated so clearly but Rachel refuses to accept them.

"No, I...please just let me explain."

"Explain what? That you think I'm a cautionary tale to scare all wayward cheerios. I get it. I do." And Rachel's heart plummets because she recognizes that look. Quinn Fabray was back, not the fractured punk persona or the sundress wearing Quinn but the HBIC of McKinley High.

"You think that by helping me you're proving that you're better than me. So what if you are. You're still going to be the freak tranny with two dads and no friends, whose voice is the only thing that makes the other guys in glee put up with you. You're pathetic Rachel and even if no one wants me right now, I'll always know that no one wants you ever."

Words can hurt and Rachel's not immune but her heart's already been hurting and it was so much more painful than this. She sees Quinn shaking, and knows it's driven by pain and shame and her stupid circumstance. She remembers Puck's words too and it fuels her such that she does not even realize her words until she says them, so softly but she can tell Quinn hears them because she sees the blonde's eyes widen and tears begin to fall.

"I want you."

**End Part 4**


	5. How You See The World

**How You See the World**

_**There's so much to be scared of**_

_**And not much to make sense of**_

_**How did the crowns ever get control**_

_**If you hear can you let me know**_

_**How can they invade it**_

_**When it's so complicated?**_

_**Oh you wanna get it right sometimes**_

_**You just wanna get it right sometimes**_

Ironically, Quinn always derived her self-worth from what she thought other people's view of her was. Being Head Cheerio and President of the Celibacy Club meant she was looked up to and she was on the right path. Feeling worthless only came later when she got ignored in the halls, pushed around and slushied.

Summer before senior year had been difficult for her. Her dad's triumphant return home because Judy could not cope with loneliness meant that she had to once again hide herself away. At least with her mom, she could try and discover who she wanted to be. But with Russell Fabray's strict view of the world, there really was no straying.

But Quinn still pushed. The hair and clothes sending him seething and shouting at her, threatening to kick her out, only she knows that she was at least safe from that because Judy's one condition with taking him back was that she would be the one to decide on Quinn.

So her mom closed one eye when she came down to breakfast the first week of summer with her hair streaked pink and only showed her disapproval when she bought every single black t-shirt she could find when they went shopping. Her so called dalliance with the forty year old skate-border was more to piss off Russell and truth be told, she just hung around him for the access to good weed.

However, she still walked a fine line, keeping up her grades and pissing off Russell took its toll. And Quinn knows that she went overboard on Friday night with going to that liquor store. Mack had told her it had all been arranged but it hadn't been and all she had to show for it was a wound on her side and her current indebtedness to one Rachel Berry. The very same girl who had said all those things about her i the hallway, only to stand before her now saying words that meant something totally absolutely different.

She sees the fear on Rachel's face, the way she's wringing her hands and biting the inside of her cheek. And Quinn can tell that Rachel's actually not lying. She does not know how she can divine that but she's almost a hundred percent sure that Rachel Berry just told her that she likes her. Not in the bff kind of way but in the 'I want you' kind of way that meant messy feelings and sappy love songs sung in Glee.

And it makes her feel like crying, not because she's embarrassed or ashamed but mainly because she's felt worthless and like nothing for so long that hearing those words, even if they were from Rachel Berry makes her feel like maybe she wasn't worth nothing as her father had so succinctly put it.

Only Quinn still feels angry at her life and at Rachel for saying things that hurt even if they were true and that anger is coupled with the singular knowledge that she still bloody well owes Rachel. And no matter what, Quinn knows that she can't continue with feeling indebted to her and right now, she can actually do something about it.

She struggles to get up, grunting with pain and has to put out her hand to stop Rachel from moving forward to help her even though she can see the brunette almost trembling with the effort to stop herself from doing something.

But Quinn uses the pain to focus as she digs her heels in and pushes herself up, breathing hard at the exertion but at least she's finally standing and facing Rachel. The words of the diminutive brunette still ringing in her ears and Quinn knows exactly what she needs to do to stop them.

She takes a step forward and is surprised to see Rachel take a step back but she's adamant in her choice to do this as she reaches out to grab Rachel's arm.

Rachel cannot comprehend what is happening, her words too late to be taken back and Quinn's reaction unsurprising. Who would not cry to know that pathetic Rachel Berry had a crush on them. She sees Quinn struggling to get up and instinctively she moves forward, wanting to help but Quinn's outstretch palm and head shake stops her.

She wants to help so badly but cannot ignore Quinn's wishes such that she actually shakes with the effort to just ignore the pain Quinn is in and the way she's struggling to just get on her feet. Rachel actually has to look away because she cannot bear to see pain mar Quinn's features knowing that if she just stepped forward, maybe she could do something to ease it.

Only when Quinn finally stands does she once again look at the blonde, breathing hard before her. Rachel's always had this knack for reading Quinn. Instinctively knowing what the blonde was thinking or what she was feeling. It wasn't that Quinn wore her emotions so clearly. Sometimes, Rachel had to guess, pulling together everything single thing she observed from what Quinn ordered at lunch to what she was wearing that day.

She knows it a bit sad or to be honestly absolutely pathetic but she's never done it so overtly or even stalked Quinn. McKinley High was a small school and even without Glee, they still shared half their classes and it was easy really to keep track of Quinn and once she realized what and why she was doing it, it was too late to stop.

So Rachel could tell when Quinn felt sad ( _'You with the sad eyes')_ or if she was feeling rebellious  _('Rebel, Rebel'_ ),or just plain belligerent _('Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood'_ ) Each emotion had its own soundtrack in her head and it made her feel like she was connecting with Quinn even if the blonde ignored her small overtures of friendship each time.

However, right now, she cannot discern exactly what Quinn is thinking. All she can see is determination on the blonde's face as she takes a step forward in her direction. And Rachel finally thinks of self preservation as she takes a step back. She does not think Quinn will hurt her, much. The slap at prom still a prominent reminder that their encounters have been a mixed bag of hits and misses.

But Quinn seems so determined as she grabs her hand and Rachel does not have the heart to push her off, instead closing her eyes and bracing herself for another hit.

Quinn knows she shouldn't do this. It was cruel even for her but she's driven by some primal instinct that she needs to do this and once she's made up her mind, she can't seem to stop. She sees Rachel's eyes slam shut even as her shoulders bunch up and her head dips a little as if she's expecting a blow.

Quinn sees the shadow of a bruise at her jaw line and it's the one thing that makes her want to stop only she feels the words on the tip of her tongue and she spits them out before she can stop her forward momentum.

"I said I always pay back my debts. And if this is what it takes, then I guess it's my price to pay, Berry." She can feel the warmth of Rachel's arm and pulls her close even as the tiny girl struggles just a bit, not knowing what to expect.

But Quinn knows exactly what she's doing as her lips find their target. The kiss she bestows on Rachel has just the right amount of pressure to signify its intent without being too bold. And then Quinn shifts even as she feels Rachel's mouth open and expel a small puff of air. And Quinn's lips find their new target as she kisses the bruise on Rachel's jaw.

Rachel expects a hit. Her eyes shut tight as she feels Quinn tug on her arm and all she can do is wait for the inevitable. She's still feeling the effects from the short attack this morning, the bruises on her back and jaw were going to be difficult to explain to her dads but at least she can tell them that the cheerios responsible have been suspended.

It will not make her life easier though and she knows that Sue Sylvester would want her head for it. But right now, all her thoughts are centered on the punch she's going to take from Quinn and her heart rate speeds up when she hears Quinn's words.

Their meaning lost on her because she cannot fathom what Quinn wants to pay her back for until she feels the pressure of Quinn's hand on hers and the lightest of touches on her lips that slowly increases in pressure.

And she feels pulled in two completely separate directions, like she's cleaved down the middle and god does it hurt because Quinn Fabray is kissing her and she's dreamt about this oh maybe a hundred times over. And knowing its happening not because it's real but because Quinn's paying her back negates everything magical about first kisses that she's always believed. And then Quinn pulls back and all Rachel can do is whimper as she tries to hold herself together, knowing that she's a hair's breath away from falling apart at how wrong all this has become.

Then she feels Quinn's lips on her jaw and it's just too much to bear such that she finally regains her sense of equilibrium and pushes Quinn away, words tumbling out of her mouth even as her breath speeds up.

"No, please..God…don't please…..Please don't Quinn, please" Rachel's crying openly now and wonders if she will eventually run out of tears when all of this is over. She feels wrecked when she sees Quinn hold on to her side and stumble backwards.

And like before Rachel feels pulled in two different ways, wanting Quinn as far away from her yet still needing to help the girl because it was what her heart wanted her to do. She's close to hyperventilating now as she shoves her hand in her pocket, and tries to grab the small pill she has there.

"Hhhere, you..You need to.. need to take this." She sobs between the words and though she wants to turn and run away, she doesn't as yet as she bends down and places the pill on the ground between them. She can't touch Quinn again finally understanding the true meaning of her words. Rachel finally knowing that the only reason the blonde had done what she did was because she wanted to pay her back for her help.

Rachel knows that Quinn didn't like her and barely tolerated her when they interacted but Rachel had saved her and for that she was offering herself. And understanding that makes Rachel feel infinitely distressed because having Quinn hate her was something she could deal with. It was something she'd dealt with since freshman year.

However having Quinn feel beholden enough to kiss her was so far from being right that if being right was Lima then what Quinn had done was send her to another universe in a galaxy so very far away. She does not wait to see what Quinn does with the pill as she turns on her heel and runs away, not towards the school but towards the parking lot.

Her hands find her cell phone and she dials his number, hoping that he's not in the storeroom with one of the junior girls. She hears his phone ring but Noah does not answer. It's almost enough to stop her in her tracks knowing that she promised to drive Quinn home and with her injury, she couldn't just walk the ten miles back.

"Hey Rach." She hears Finn's voice before she feels his arm on hers. "What happened?" His voice takes on that anxious tone once he takes in her tears and the way she's trying to catch her breath even though she's trying more to hold the pieces of herself together than anything else.

"Who did this to you?" He sees the bruise on her jaw and he unintentionally tightens his hold on her arm such that she jerks back. "Sorry, I'm sorry. But you have to tell me who I have to beat up. Rachel."

They haven't been together since Nationals in New York. That kiss caused them the competition but more than that, Rachel found out the difference between want and need. She's always wanted someone to love her but what she will always need is that connection, that person who understood what singing meant to her and who loved her unconditionally.

Finn loved parts of her and the parts he didn't like, he tended to ignore or belittle. He wasn't deliberately cruel but he just would never love all of her. And even he understood that in the end. He had offered her his ring and letterman jacket at the start of summer, telling her he would wait for her answer. She knew he felt compelled because she had slept with him.

However, when she had returned it two days later, he had been surprised but not overtly so because they wanted different things and physically, they fit but emotionally, they just never really did. It didn't mean that they weren't friends because unencumbered with the pressure to be together made them realize that they did enjoy spending time together which they did off and on all summer.

Which also meant that Finn was still protective of her. "Who did this to you?" His voice is tight as his hand traces her jaw line, the touch so different from Quinn's lips that she cannot help a sob from escaping.

"Puck took care of it." Her voice is rough from the crying and strained because she feels so drained from the whole day even though it's not even over. "I need a favor though." She looks up at him and wonders what he'll do if he ever found out about her feelings for Quinn.

She's always thought that despite Puck's rudeness and attitude, he was always more accepting of the differences that he encountered. But Finn had this stringent almost puritanical view of the world and though she knows he would eventually accept it like he did with Kurt, but it would take time.

So she's almost afraid to ask him for this favor because of what Quinn might actually say. But her apprehension is over-ruled by the worry gnawing at her that she cannot abandon the ex-cheerleader. She always used to find it difficult to put Finn's needs ahead of her own. Even with Jesse, they competed more than accorded each other.

But always with Quinn, Rachel managed to put aside her own wants because protecting the girl, making her smile suddenly took precedence over so many other things in her life.

"What do you need." He's looking so earnest that she wraps her arms around him, using him for support, needing to feel someone show her some real emotions not driven by payback or forced reciprocation. "Hey, you know I'll always be here for you right. Just ask me, Rach."

"Quinn's going to need a ride home today. I..I was going to drive her but I can't now." She just wants to go home and curl up in bed. Maybe not come out for a few years although she'll settle for not coming out until school tomorrow.

"Umm, yeah, sure, I mean I have practice but I can do the run first. Coach Beiste will understand." He can't say no to Rachel considering she's done favors for him too.

"Could you just.." She trails off, wondering how she could frame what she needed to say. "Could you just tell her that we're even now and she's paid everything in full and.." She pauses, debating on whether she can ask Finn to be her emissary or just send a batch of her Sorry cookies. In the end though, she figures she needed to do it sooner rather than later." And tell her I'm sorry."

Finn knows he's always been the last to understand some of more difficult math equations and he gave up on English Lit and the difference between metaphors and similes was something he resigned himself to never understanding or needing it in the real world. But he was always a pretty good judge of people; of knowing how to read them and how to react.

And right now with Rachel, he knows to hold back the fifty questions he has rolling around in his head. He can see that she's trying so hard to deal with whatever she's dealing with, the way she's almost shivering and the cadence of her voice.

And he's willing to bet that Quinn had something to do with it. He's noticed Rachel watching her, trying to reach out in small ways. He wants to tell Rachel that she's wasting her time and Quinn Fabray could never feel any emotion if it bit her on the ass and announced itself in bright neon lights. She was just not built that way which was diametrically opposite to Rachel who felt everything with such passion.

"Alright. You sure you're ok?" It's a standard question although he's not expecting a stock answer as he looks her squarely in the eyes.

Rachel knows she's not remotely ok but at least she's survived her first rejection from Quinn. She'll mourn the loss of her first kiss with someone she truly loved but it was a small price to pay knowing that at least she survived knowing Quinn didn't reciprocate any of her feelings.

"No." She can see that he's surprised by her candor although he would have protested if she had said otherwise. "But, I'll survive." It's the sigh that she ends with that makes him sad for her.

"Hang in there Rach. Promise me, ok?" He grins at her with that lopsided smile and she can't help but return it before he turns to go and find Quinn.

#$#$#$#$

His hands are tight on the wheel and he's surprised that Quinn didn't question him when he told her what Rachel had asked him to drive her home.

She had declined his offer for a ride until he mentioned the brunette again, stating that he didn't want to do it either but Rachel had asked.

"Was she…Is she…" Quinn knows she has the capacity to be mean. To say things that would hurt and to go for the jugular every time be it at cheerleading competitions or when walking the halls of McKinley High. But she's always known the difference between being mean and cruel and she knows that today she finally crossed the line. What she did to Rachel was cruel.

She will never be able to forget that look on Rachel's face. She's always known that the brunette was stronger than she ever gave her credit for. To put up with the taunts and bullying and to still come back to school every day showed courage.

And she never thought that Rachel would break, even when Finn left her or Jesse egged her or when they lost Nationals, Rachel always came back stronger and it scares her a bit to think that maybe what she had done. That one stupid act had finally broken the girl.

"Is Rachel ok?" She does not even understand how Finn ended up driving her, only that Rachel asked him to and when she heard the rest of the message, she knew that it was true.

He feels like ignoring her as he pulls up to her house, leaning over her to open the door before finally answering her. "No. She's most definitely not ok. And you know what I know. I think you did something to her. She won't say but if you did. Then you better fix it. She actually said you guys are even and you don't owe her anything. But, I swear to God Quinn, I don't care if this punk ass crap of yours is real or not but if you hurt Rachel. If you did something to her because of your shit then you fix it." He hits the steering wheel in frustration, knowing all he can do is yell at the girl next to him.

And Quinn does not answer until she gets out of the car. But even then, it's not the answer he was looking for.

"I don't know if I can."

**End Part 5**


	6. Death And All His Friends

**Death and All His Friends**

_**No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end;** _

_**I don't wanna cycle, recycle revenge;** _

_**I don't wanna follow death and all his friends.** _

"Rachel," Quinn had called out to the brunette but it had been too late because despite the wound on her knee, Rachel had managed to run fast and as far away from her. And truth be told, Quinn had just whispered her name because she could not bring herself to say it any louder.

She had looked at the pill on the ground then, the pain in her side mounting but instead of picking it up, she had stepped on it, grinding it into the dirt before slumping back down on the ground and crying into her hands. She had managed to stop by the time Finn had found her to give her the ride Rachel had promised her. And she felt like crying again after realizing that even after what she had done, Rachel had still managed to ensure she got a ride back.

And now standing outside her house, all she really wants to do is to disappear because she feels so fucked up that she figures no one's going to care one way or the other anymore. Finn's still in his car and she what she said angered him further but it was the truth. She does not know how to make things better anymore because everything she touches tends to eventually be ruined.

"Get in the house, Quinn. I'm not leaving here until you do." His voice is adamant and she knows if she does not comply he was liable to carry her in. Apparently whatever Rachel said to him, made him take this very seriously. And Quinn's just so tired of fighting today so she puts one weary foot in front of the other until she enters her house and hears Finn drive off in his truck.

She never really felt comfortable in her home. Saddled with too many rules and needing to always display her best behavior made her feel so constrained and never at ease. Things only got worse the older she got and the second she got kicked out, she knew she would never be able to feel at home again.

"Quinnie, is that you?"

She sags against the door, hoping that if she remains silent, her mom would just ignore her but her luck fails as ever when she sees her mother come down the stairs.

"You look a bit peaked, honey."

It was the mother of all understatements because Quinn knows she looks like crap rolled around in dirt and spat out after being chewed over. And to be honest, she regrets not taking that pill because the fire in her side is taking up most of her concentration such that she can't even manage a response until Judy comes all the way down to stand in front of her.

"What happened?"

She asks the question with so much trepidation because deep down her mom truly knows what she's capable of even if she refused to acknowledge it.

"Are you hurt? Did you …do something?"

Again, she can hear the underlying fear, driven by her mother's need to keep up appearances even if most of the congregation was already familiar with her fall from grace and her dad's affairs.

And Quinn is so tempted to tell her all of it, how she steals from freshmen and buys liquor to resell to the dumb jocks at school and how she got shot at, just a few days ago. And maybe to top it all off, she can tell her mom about her Sapphic encounter, how she managed to humiliate the one person who had been nice enough to maybe save her life and the one person who thought she was worth more than the dismal sum of her parts.

"No mom, I'm just tired. I'm going to take a shower." Her voice wavers even as she narrowly avoids her mom's hand on her shoulder. She wants to get out of Rachel's clothes and into her own. She wants to disappear and she thinks she knows how.

"Quinn?"

She turns around on the top step and looks down at her mother, surprised to see her eyes bright with unshed tears.

"If..if anything was wrong, you'd tell me, right?" Judy feels so frightened to actually hear the truth but she loves her daughter, even if she could not always show it. And she can tell that Quinn's holding so many things back. She feels her hands shake and knows she will need a drink to calm herself down.

Quinn bites the inside of her cheek stopping herself from saying anything more. She can see her mom struggling. She knows that her mom's drinking problem started way before she got pregnant and her dad left. But Quinn also realizes that her mom couldn't stop either, not with having to deal with her shit and her father's demands.

So she swallows what she should say and goes with her usual response, "Everything is fine, mom," even if her demeanor and tone says otherwise. She does not wait for Judy's acknowledgement as she rushes to her room, now more determined than ever to take a shower and get on with her plan.

#$#$#$#$#$

Her black t-shirt reads  _'After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.'_. She hasn't yet tried to wear it to school knowing that Will or even Coach Sylvester would probably write her up for it, just out of spite. But right now, Quinn doesn't give a damn as she makes her way to Lima Heights. The pain in her side is taking up all of her focus now even as she takes the last turn that divides the good part of Lima from the not so good part.

She stops under the Metcalf Street Bridge, knowing that's where Stan 'the kid' Nikerson usually hangs out. Back when she had been a freshman, she used to laugh at the stories of the almost forty-year-old skateboarder dealing weed on the wrong side of town, the epitome of a Lima Loser and someone whom she thought she would never meet until she did the past summer.

" _Well, hello little lady." Quinn feels her skin crawl at his words but it could also be from the bugs she knows have been infesting the couch she's currently sitting on, since it was put under the bridge. She looks away and hears Mack try to make a score off the man._

_She knows they're talking about her but she doesn't care, at least until she feels his hand on her thigh. But her reaction honed by years of cheerio training is swift and painful as she kicks out, catching him squarely where he will never forget._

_He's bent over and almost crying and she almost feels bad until she hears his remark, "You're..going to pay for that..bitch." She's off the couch and walking to her car until she feels Mack pull on her arm,_

" _Hey, you said you wanted to disappear for awhile and you just kicked our best bet to get that done, in the balls."_

_Quinn blinks at her words, weighing if a good night sleep was worth all this trouble. She's had the fucking dream four nights in a row, always the same, all centered on Beth and all always ending with her waking up crying, unable to go back to sleep as she just lays there waiting for the sun to rise. She thinks maybe it's her manifestation of guilt or maybe some hormonal imbalance, and all she really wants is to get some form of respite._

" _I'm not into any of that shit." She indicates to the other two girls making out on one of the other couches and stares pointedly at Stan who's still writhing around on the ground._

" _You have the cash?" Mack doesn't believe her for one second because she's heard all about the cheerio locker room and what goes on behind those closed doors. But she's also not about to argue the point considering Quinn was the only one amongst the four of them who still had parents who worked and gave her an allowance. So she extends her hand, palm up and smiles when Quinn slips her the fifty dollar bill._

" _Just wait here and in five minutes you're not going to care that he touched you."_

Mack hadn't been totally truthful and Quinn still hated it when Stan would cop a feel each time she met up with him. But what he gave her did get her out of her world, if only for a short time. Unfettered by her past and not thinking about her future, it allowed her to disappear.

"Well if it isn't the ball breaker…"

His words are said with the lazy drawl of someone who knows that she's there for something she needs and he'll extract his pound of flesh each time she shows up.

It's too late for her to wish that she had taken the pill Rachel had offered and even though she knows that she could call Dr. Berry or even Rachel to get another, she won't do it. It's screwed up even in her mind but in the end Quinn thinks she deserves this situation, some perverse penance for doing what she did to Rachel.

She doesn't say anything as she hands him the fifty dollar bill. She sees his hand curl around hers and she barely has time to breathe in before she's pulled onto the couch. She lands on her side and tears form in her eyes. But she blinks them away as she feels his hand on her ass.

She kicks out but he just laughs before throwing the bag next to her. She feels his fingers pressed down hard on her upper thigh and knows he's leaving bruises but she does not give him the satisfaction of making a sound. He presses harder, his nails digging in now and she just grits her teeth until he gives up and wanders off to relieve himself.

Quinn is not stupid enough to stay for long as she hurries as fast as she can to her car, driving back to the divide before turning off into one of the small parks. Her hands are shaking as she lights the joint but she manages and feels relief ten minutes later, the pain and all her problems dampened at least for a while.

Her head is resting on the window and she sees the last of the summer berries on the bushes next to her car. Most are already shriveled but there are still a few smaller ones, red and ripe and she thinks of Rachel, of what she did and how the girl had looked.

Her phone is on her dash and she knows she still has Rachel's number in it. Mr. Schue had been adamant that they all could keep track of each other in New York and he made Artie program all their phones with everyone's number.

Quinn presses the button before she can process fully what she's about to do and she holds her breath as she hears it ring. And despite her best efforts to think otherwise, she actually expects Rachel to pick up the call. Only she doesn't and it goes to voice mail.

' _You've reached Rachel Berry's phone . I am sorry that you can't speak to me right now but if you would be so inclined to leave a message and how I can reach you, I will get back to you soon. Bye.'_

She hangs up at the tone and continues to stare out the window.

#$#$#$#$#

Rachel always knew that her dads loved her unconditionally and fully supported every hare-brained scheme she had ever come up with, even the one where she had tried to collect five hundred signatures on a petition that all Lima school cafeterias serve at least one vegan dish a day.

Both her dads actually managed eighty-five signatures between them before she saw how much she was pushing them to do something that only she saw the benefit of. She managed three signatures at school from Finn, Jacob and her own. But still they tried so hard, and right now she can see them trying even harder as they glance at her, wanting to know what happened but giving her the space to decide how and what she would tell them.

It was her fault really. Coming home before school ended was a big tell but the bruise on her face really spoke for itself. Her dad never used his height to intimidate because his voice was often enough but the way he towered over her, his hands in fists at his sides would have scared her if not for the look on his face.

He looked so close to tears, like he could empathize with whatever pain she was experiencing and knowing him, he probably could. But still he kept silent, waiting for her daddy to come home before they decided on what to do.

The silence in the house was not oppressive as it gave her the chance to regroup and try and put the broken pieces of herself together. The cookies her dad baked brought with them better memories when things weren't as complicated and the biggest problem she had to face was which song to pick as an audition piece.

But as soon as her daddy stepped into the house and noticed her and her dad sitting side by side…as soon as he took in her too pale features and the stark bruise on her face, she knew that it was time to tell them her side of the story.

"The girls who did this have been suspended."

She hears her dad snort, not even trying to hide his words, "Like that's even enough."

"Leroy, let the girl speak. And coming home early?" Her daddy was always the one to probe deeper even if her dad was the real lawyer in the family.

"I asked Finn to give Quinn a ride home. I just …she doesn't like me. She'll never like me." Saying it out loud meant accepting the situation even if it hurt and she felt like her world was ending.

Leroy doesn't have the heart to say 'I told you so' because he will never ever understand how people couldn't see the wonder that was his daughter, the way her smile made everything brighter, the way her voice could bring you to tears and the way she loved so damn much.

"Then she's a fool…" He can say so much more but he feels Hiram's hand on his shoulder and at once he lets the rest of his tirade go. They're here for Rachel and not to put down Quinn Fabray.

"Why don't you think she doesn't like you? Did she say something today?" Hiram's soothing tone not allowing Rachel any respite because it still makes her think about Quinn.

"No, she didn't say anything today." It's the way she answers the question that reminds Hiram of Leroy. He learnt about that lawyer's trick early on in their relationship every time he asked if Leroy's mother was free to join them for Sunday dinner.

It took him a few times before he noted that his husband always answering the question but never giving anything else away like the fact that the woman hated Hiram for supposedly taking her son away. And right now he's willing to bet good money that Quinn may not have said anything to Rachel but she probably did something to his daughter.

"What did she-" His question is interrupted by Rachel's phone ringing and the way she looks at it and the way her hand trembles, he can already tell who's calling.

But she doesn't pick it up. Hiram can see that she desperately wants to, her wide eyes staring at the screen as if mesmerized and her thumb just hovering over that green button but she does not move it. And when it stops, her eyes shut tightly and she lets out the breath that she's been holding.

"You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to. Not ever." Leroy's voice drops to his softest pitch. And Hiram knows that while what his husband just said is true, his daughter would see things just a little bit different.

"You think there's a reason she's calling you…and maybe that reason will explain something or maybe it won't…" He sees her open her eyes and look at him, "Why don't you call her back and we'll go change. I think we need some father-daughter bowling time."

She tries to smile but it comes out so tremulous. Although he knows at least she won't feel like she's let Quinn down even if he thinks that the girl will never deserve his daughter. He can see Leroy's aggrieved look and knows he has to spend the next fifteen minutes placating his husband because he most definitely did not want Rachel talking to Quinn.

"Come on." He tugs at his husband's hand when he sees Rachel worry her bottom lip with her teeth as she scrolls through her phone finding the number she wants to call.

#$#$#$#$#

Quinn's actually surprised at how good the joint is and wonders if Puck ever tried something of this grade. She's still thinking about him and most times she knows that it tends to lead to thinking about Beth and is somewhat relieved when she hears her phone ring.

She almost does not answer it but figures her day was not going to get any worse.

"Hhalo," her voice sounding hollow and slurred.

"Quinn? It's Rachel. Are you ok?" Rachel goes from calm to very concerned in the five seconds she took to reply. She tries to control her breathing as her mind is already mentally putting together scenarios in which Quinn's hurt like she was on Friday or worse.

"Quinn, please tell me if you're ok?" She does not care if she sounds like she's begging because if that was what it would take, she'd do it.

"You didn't ..want to talk to me" The rhythm of her voice is off as she tries to get a full sentence out. "Rachel, you didn't pick up, did you pick up?" Quinn shakes her head, trying to clear it because she could have sworn that the call to Rachel didn't go through.

"Quinn, where are you?" Rachel grips the phone so tightly, pressing it to her ear, hoping to hear a response. Right now, the two scenarios she's stuck on are an overdose  _(dear God, please no)_  or a concussion. "Please Quinn, I do want to talk to you, just tell me where you are and I'll be there." There's silence for a good minute and a half when all she can hear is Quinn's breathing before she hears two words.

"Baxter Park."

Rachel does not even tell her dads as she rushes out, even as she sees her dad come down the stairs. The only thought going through her mind is she prays she won't be too late. And it's only when she sees her daddy's car blocking hers does she stop.

"Where the hell are you going, young lady?" Leroy knows what it's like to be in love, to be ruled by your heart and knowing that every little emotion seemed magnified. And he knows what a wondrous feeling it can be to be loved in return. He wishes that for Rachel with all his heart.

"You can't be at her beck and call." He wants her to see that she's just setting herself up to be hurt now and even though he knows how strong she really is, no one should take so many hits the way Rachel had.

He won't let her open herself up to be decimated, not by that girl. "I know I said I'll support you but Rachel, this is getting ridiculous." He sees her shake her head as she reaches for Hiram's spare key in the compartment beneath the steering wheel of the car.

"Don't go," and she actually stops and turns to look at him. And he sees all the love and respect on her face but overlying all of it, he sees her determination.

"Dad, I know you think I'm being a silly girl and I'm just letting myself get hurt by Quinn. But she…she needs me and I…need to help her. Please."

**End Part 6**

 


	7. Fix You Pt 1

**Fix You (part 1)**

**_And the tears come streaming down your face_**

**_When you lose something you can't replace_**

**_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_**

**_Could it be worse?_**

**_Lights will guide you home_**

**_And ignite your bones_**

**_And I will try to fix you_**

Rachel does not know how many times she broke the speed limit but her daddy's BMW probably recorded all of them for posterity. She's just relieved that she didn't get pulled over before she reached Baxter Park. She does not spot Quinn in the South side parking lot and finally spots her red car when she turns off the small road leading up to the children's playground.

She can barely see through the windshield and notes Quinn's head lolled against the driver's window. And she prays silently that she's not too late as she rushes forward, pulling open the driver's door and catching Quinn's body as she pitches out.

She thinks she recognizes the smell of the smoke that hits her, and when she sees the discarded joint still held between Quinn's tapered fingers she realizes just how far Quinn has fallen. It wasn't that she placed the ex-cheerleader on a pedestal. It was kind of difficult to, knowing she had gotten pregnant at sixteen, lied about the paternity of her child and went on to do such morally stellar things as create the Glist and cheat on her current boyfriend with her ex-boyfriend.

But drugs were a different matter. Rachel cared about what she put in her body. Her vegan lifestyle is driven equally by her abhorrence of cruelty to animals, her need to stay healthy and look after herself because she knew she would need all her energy for New York. What she didn't foresee then was she needed her stamina now, in order to save Quinn.

"Why are you doing this?" Rachel does not expect Quinn to answer even as she whispers the words in her ear, her arms full with the girl as she tries to maneuver her back into the car.

She's so concentrated on the task that she misses seeing Quinn's eyes flutter open such that she freezes at Quinn's reply. "Why do you have to make me feel?"

The words are so soft but Rachel hears them as she looks into Quinn's hazel eyes. She sees so much emotion in them, like Quinn is feeling every single thing she is. Rachel knows that it is not true because she truly feels everything from the awareness of Quinn's skin against hers to the way Quinn exhales and creates goose bumps across her hand. Just the proximity of the blonde is sending her heart rate up and that now familiar sensation into the pit of her stomach.

"I just want to…." Quinn finally realizes what she's saying and whom she's saying it to as she trails off. She sees Rachel staring at her and there's this look on her face like she's afraid to move, to breathe. Her eyes are fixated, wide and so impossibly brown, her lips are parted and Quinn truly understands the meaning of spur of the moment as she leans forward to capture Rachel's lips.

She needs to know for certain, to have empirical proof that the brunette was the cause of her feeling this way. She used to be able to disappear, to forget everything even if only for a few hours. But for the past hour or so, even high such that she giggles each time she sees the color red, she can't stop thinking about Rachel and worse, she just can't stop feeling.

This kiss is fierce, teeth scraping Rachel's bottom lip such that when she hears the brunette moan, her hand automatically finds its way behind Rachel's neck, pulling her closer.

It is as if Quinn had this super power to not telegraph her kisses, always taking Rachel by surprise. Even by looking at her, staring right into her eyes, Rachel can't tell Quinn's intentions until she feels her lips. Maybe it's because she knows Quinn will not reciprocate her feelings.

Only they do occur, are still occurring and they make her feel like she's always thought they would. But just as stealthily as they occur, the chaser that follows acts like a wakeup call because Rachel remembers Quinn's words and just like that, the kiss loses its luster. The magic disappears and she pulls back, gasping once again.

Her hands hold onto Quinn's shoulders, keeping her at a distance as she tries to regain whatever shred of dignity she has left. The moan she had uttered is still ringing in her ears and the sheer fact that she misses the feel of Quinn's lips on hers tells her that she's so screwed.

"Please just let me take you home." The plea in her voice is so clear because she knows she really does not have the strength to push Quinn away again even if she knows Quinn is only doing it to pay her back. Rachel knows that it's just pretend to Quinn but it feels so real for her and she knows that this is the only chance she'll ever get.

Quinn's perfected the art of pretending not to care. It's so much easier hiding the hurt than addressing it. She already feels like she's worth less than zero, less than nothing like negative energy in Quantum physics. She hasn't felt anything in such a long time so to actually feel something now, this pull that she cannot explain, to be absolutely honest it makes her remember what it was like to matter.

"Why go home when I know you enjoyed that?" Quinn does not understand completely why she's pushing this. She's not Santana or Britt. The fleeting encounters behind closed doors never stimulated her. So she cannot understand why she's so affected by two kisses with Rachel. She will not acknowledge that though because for once, she knows she has the power here.

That feeling was so achingly familiar too. To go from knowing power and using it so cavalierly to feeling absolutely powerless within a span of a year had taught her to seize the moment when she could. And right now, Quinn knows that regardless of how she feels or what she really wants, she has Rachel Berry in a worse position compared to herself because she knows that Rachel wants her. For whatever weird, stupid, ridiculous reason, Rachel Berry wants Quinn Fabray.

And regardless of whether that want makes her feel like something  _(somebody)_  after so long of feeling like nothing  _(useless)_ or that want actually allows her to think beyond looking only towards the next day, she can't let his thing go. So she tugs on Rachel's hand as she settles back into the driver's seat of her car, pulling the brunette in with her.

It's a tight fit but Rachel's tiny and sitting across Quinn's lap with the most 'deer in headlights' expression she has ever seen. Her eyes are inordinately wide and Quinn can tell that she's holding her breath.

"Breathe, just breathe." The whispered words ghost over Rachel as she sees Quinn close the gap, their lips touching for the third time. Quinn can feel Rachel stiffen and is surprised by the wetness of her cheeks, only to realize that the brunette is crying.

"Please don't" And Rachel truly does not know if she's asking Quinn to stop or not to really. The outcome of either action was still excruciating agony to her. And in the end, she can't help but let Quinn guide her.

Rachel just does not have the strength to resist any more. Intellectually, she knows that she's just feeding into her delusion that Quinn actually wants this as much as she does. And worse yet, even this small interaction will sustain her despite knowing that she'll just hurt that much more because she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt how kissing Quinn Fabray feels like.

The way they fit together, one of her hands cupping Quinn's cheek, the other tangled in honeyed hair that smells as good as it looks-she's dreamt of this a hundred times. She's dreamt not only of sweet kisses turning into knee weakening ones that send shivers up her spine and make her want to promise the world but also of feeling Quinn respond to her touch, tasting the blond and relishing the feel of skin on skin, slick with heat and sweat.

The experience is so visceral and raw that Rachel feels her nerve endings firing off missives to her body but nothing responds except for Quinn who moves in tandem with her and moans into the kiss. The sound is so heavenly that Rachel's almost sure that it's the best sound she's ever heard. She's not drawing comparisons to Barbra's voice by any means but if made to choose at this exact second, she'd want to hear Quinn moan again. And if the blond ever deemed her name worthy enough to moan in that breathy voice, Rachel would gladly burn half her Broadway albums.

Her tears are fueled by the knowledge that this encounter most certainly will not last and she's accepting something from Quinn that has nothing to do with love and everything to do with payback. And in her mind, it made her the whore and not Quinn; because she's the one so easily accepting this payment from Quinn, (b _ecause she loved her)_.

Quinn feels the thrumming within her, that feeling that seems to build each time she inhales Rachel, the scent of her hair, of her skin, that unmistakable musk that signifies arousal. She's always been completely certain that she's not addicted to the weed but deep down Quinn knows she could become addicted to this. And that's the trigger for her fear to surge as she acknowledges that she's kissing Rachel Berry and up until this exact moment, she was relishing the experience.

She feels Rachel's hand move, fingers trailing along her shoulder, the heel of Rachel's palm brushing the swell of her breast and she almost moans again only to bite down on her tongue. The pain and the ever building fear finally pushes her to stop this because she cannot accept that it's real. Her words are meant to cut and to hurt as she finally pulls back.

"Now we're even."

Rachel knows what a broken heart feels like. She truly does. In third grade, it felt like a broken Barbie doll, its legs ripped off by Tommy Sullivan because he had asked to kiss her and she said no. In sixth grade, it felt like rain when she waited outside for four hours for Mandy Ackerman to show because she promised that she'd come, pinkie sworn and pledged with a kiss on the cheek.

And in high school, her broken heart felt slushy cold and like ice dripping down your face. It felt like words that could tear at your skin and make you bleed. It felt like being pelted by ten eggs in the school parking lot and up until now, it felt like a deep ache always constant like a vice grip around her heart, holding together the pieces.

However, all those times, all the pain and the rejection she had felt paled significantly in comparison to the way she feels now. Quinn's words flitter through her defenses and the miasma of emotions brought about by the blonde's sheer proximity striking a direct hit on her heart. It shatters it into so many different pieces such that she knows whatever happens, she'll never find them all.

Surprisingly though, Rachel's finally run out of tears, the vacuum in her chest where her whole heart used to be is apparently sucking all the moisture away such that even her tongue is dry and papery. And any words she has are stuck in her throat.

She finally lets out a shuddering breath before meeting Quinn's eyes. Rachel's not really sure if she can speak. Hell, she's still not sure if she can breathe autonomically because right now, she actually has to keep reminding herself to inhale and exhale. But even if she could speak, there really is nothing to say.

It isn't as if she thought things would turn out differently. She may have completely  _(absolutely, incontrovertibly, utterly and totally)_ underestimated how much it would hurt but that was all on her because she had wanted that one encounter with Quinn.

And finally words are expelled along with a breath. "Do…do you need me to drive you home?" Even then, even hurt beyond her own comprehension, there's this primeval need to ensure Quinn was okay. Her voice is surprisingly neutral. Her insides are all decimated but it's just too much devastation to be reflected in her voice.

Quinn knows that Rachel's hurt, the way she sucks in air through her mouth as if she's in pain and the way her eyes sparkle with unshed tears. And more than that, it's her voice that gives her away. She's always sounded like Rachel, her voice alive with self-confidence but still with a hint of apprehension because she's just never been accepted anywhere. The musicality of it though is usually unrivalled because Rachel would always sound like she's on the verge of bursting into song, be it an old Broadway standard or current number one hit. Rachel's voice was meant to convey so much but right now, it was flat, a monotone.

"No." Quinn feels Rachel shift and her hands curl into fists as she presses them into the side of the seat in order to stop them from reaching out to Rachel. Her dismissal finally makes Rachel realize she's still in a compromising position, sitting on Quinn's lap. She's affected enough that she propels herself out of the car, falling to her knees onto the ground.

The pain is bracing but still not enough to distract her as she scrambles to her feet before limping back to where she parked her car.

#$#$#$#$#$

"She's …..Leroy..I.." Hiram steps out of Rachel's room, softly shutting the door behind him and accepts his husband's hug. The strong arms encircle him reminding him that love does exist and despite obstacles and prejudice, love can not only survive but also thrive. However seeing his daughter hurt both physically and definitely emotionally was just too much to bear.

He's a man of science, believing that people were inherently good and in the end logic and fairness will prevail. But in this case, all he can envision for his daughter is heartache and he just cannot accept it.

"It's going to be fine. We're going to make sure she's okay." Leroy's deep voice brings him comfort although he just cannot see how they can help Rachel.

"How? Every time she sees Quinn, she comes back more hurt and just a little bit less than who she started out to be." It breaks his heart to know that he's already failed his promise of protecting her.

"Crawford Country Day Academy. We can get her transferred as soon as next week." Leroy's had the brochure in his desk drawer downstairs since the start of sophomore year. He had picked up the phone more than once, only to change his mind each time because Rachel kept bouncing back. She bounced back from her first break up with Finn, back from losing Regionals and then Nationals; the resilience of his daughter always astounding him but also making him proud.

"She loves New Directions."

"I know…but right now, she's crying in her room. And you and I know it's not the first time or the last. She has bruises and her knee…" He feels Hiram's head on his chest and it calms him. "How much more do we need to witness? How much more do you think she can take before she breaks? What if she.."

"We'll go and see Principal Figgins tomorrow."

#$#$#$#$

Rachel makes it through all of her classes at school through a combination of timing, luck and the help of Puck. He's worried enough after seeing her listless look and even more when he hears her voice.

"Noah, you don't have to follow me around." She knows she doesn't sound like herself but it's not like she's trying to be different. Maybe Quinn broke more than just her heart but it's not like she's about to tell Puck what happened. "I'm just tired and-"

"Still worried about Quinn?" She does not respond but it's the first time she looks up at him instead of looking through him like she's done most of the day, so he continues. "She came back yesterday, maybe around six. Stayed in her car and cried for an hour before going in." He doesn't want to tell Rachel all this but maybe he needs her to realize that Quinn is a lost cause. Maybe then she would start to look after herself and give up this fantasy of trying to look out for Quinn at her own expense. "Her car is parked outside but she hasn't been to most of her classes."

Rachel can attest to that and for once, she is relieved that Quinn had decided to skip. She's still not sure how she would feel when she finally sees Quinn. All she knows is that the encounter yesterday was a mistake. Knowing what Quinn tasted like, what it felt like to hold the blonde close only made her want Quinn more.

Even after hearing Quinn's words and knowing that once again, Quinn had kissed her because she felt indebted…even after knowing all of it, Rachel is still in love with Quinn. "Let's just go for Glee and maybe after, you can take me home? My dad still has a batch of his chocolate macadamia nut cookies hidden in the cupboard."

Puck's sweet tooth was a surprise to her and she's made good use of that knowledge, bribing him with cookies and cupcakes when she needed a favor. Most revolve around spending time together where he would regale her with outrageously lascivious stories of his Cougar exploits while asking her surprisingly acute questions.

"She's not worth a tenth of the person you are."

Rachel does not know how to respond to that because to her, Quinn is worth so much more. She walks arm in arm with Puck towards the choir room. The open door is lighted and the yellow walls are so inviting. She ends up sitting between him and Finn. The others file in, in twos or threes and by the time Artie wheels himself in, she feels mildly better. Not good enough to actually volunteer a song but at least to be ready with a suggestion or two when Mr. Schue writes whatever word lesson he's picked, on the whiteboard.

She's craning her head to see the word such that she misses the last entrant into the room until she hears Puck's soft curse, "Fuck me."

Quinn stands there, in all her punk glory but instead of vitriol and rage, her words and tone are contrite. "I thought… maybe, I could …maybe I could join Glee again?"

**End Part 7**


	8. A Warning Sign

**A Warning Sign**

_**Come on in**_

_**I've got to tell you what a state I'm in**_

_**I've got to tell you in my loudest tones**_

_**That I started looking for a warning sign**_

_**When the truth is**_

_**I miss you**_

_**Yeah the truth is**_

_**That I miss you so**_

There's a sudden hush after Quinn's tentative words before the front row erupts as Artie wheels himself over to offer Quinn a high five and Mercedes and Brittany almost trip over in their haste to get to her and engulf her in a hug. Santana stays in her chair, her arms still crossed but there's a small smile tugging at the side of her mouth.

The second Rachel saw Quinn, standing there looking unsure, and heard her alto voice; she knew what her heart wanted even if she realized that the word masochist should now have her picture right next to it in every single dictionary. But she cannot bring herself to hope or look at Quinn.

"Uh huh, no way Mr. Shue." Finn's on his feet as he adamantly shakes his head. "She should not be here...I mean, not after what she did to...As…as co-captain, I vote no." Finn glances at Rachel. He's not surprised to see her staring down at her hands as she wrings them together. He's never seen her look so uncertain and it throws him. But at the same it tells him that he's right in assuming that Quinn's the reason for Rachel acting so unlike herself.

Even Puck's looking at her, his face so full of concern, his arm slung behind her chair while the other is clenched in a fist. His body is angled towards Rachel as if blocking Quinn from her line of sight as well.

"Listen guys, I'm not sure what's going on here but we've always said that everyone is welcomed in Glee." Mr. Schue looks around trying to discern what exactly has occurred. He's pretty sure that Quinn coming back is a good thing considering they were still two members down.

But he's familiar with all their petty fights and jealousies. Not to mention, the combination of whose dating whom not really running its course as yet although it would seem that both Puck and Finn were now on Rachel's side as opposed to Quinn's. He looks at Rachel and is surprised to see her almost curled up in her chair, her head down and her hands held close to her body.

"Rachel, you're co-captain too. You should have a vote. What do you say?"

He's surprised to see her not look up, instead, she shrinks even further into her chair at his words and he wonders what exactly had occurred to make her lose that fighting spirit. If Quinn had anything to do with it then perhaps Finn was right and she shouldn't be let back in but until he gets some kind of clarity, he knows that his job is to be as inclusive as he can.

Quinn didn't expect this to be easy. She had ignored all of the people in this room since the start of summer and she does not expect them to welcome her back with open arms. Only some of them actually already did. Artie's high five and Mercedes's one arm hug were a huge surprise. Brittany still had both arms around her and Kurt and his boyfriend were smiling at her from their seats. Even Mike Chang had nodded when Tina gave her a small wave and Santana's lips curled up in her own version of a smile.

But the one person Quinn really needs to accept this overture, was trying her level best not to look at her. Not that Quinn blamed her one iota. She had tried to forget what had occurred yesterday afternoon. Normally for Quinn, it would mean pushing the memories out of her head, overlaying them with thoughts of more weed or maybe raiding her mom's liquor stash that she kept behind the lawn mower in the garage.

However, sitting in her car and taking the first few sips of the gin had made her throw up and she had by then started to cry. It had been disastrous because nothing seemed to work and it wasn't just remembering the kiss or how Rachel fit just so, in her arms. It was remembering how the she felt when Rachel had run away from her. How she went from feeling like she mattered to someone to feeling like she had lost a part of herself. It was so different from believing that she was nothing and needed to feel nothing.

All through her drive home, she could not shake the knowledge that she had hurt Rachel in the worse way possible. She had looked into her eyes and understood beyond a shadow of a doubt that Rachel truly cared for her. It took her breath away and scared her in equal measure.

And because of that fear, she had lashed out. It was a routine Fabray response. One sharpened by years of practice and delivered with laser precision. Rachel had been her target before, the girl had made herself ridiculously easy to go after and Quinn never questioned why she needed to put Rachel down incessantly.

It was only the fact that in doing so, she convinced herself that she was better even if she never ever felt so. But what she had done over the past few days made her finally feel like she had crossed that invisible line between good and bad.

It was eating her up inside and all she knows is that Finn was right and she needed to fix whatever damage she had inflicted. Rejoining Glee was the first step and it was a big one. She had vowed never to return, not wanting the added pressure of having people depend on her knowing that all she would do was let them down.

But she knows Rachel loved Glee and she has to try something. What she also understands is she can't have a relationship with Rachel. At least not the one the brunette wants. It would be too big a step and so far out of her comfort zone that she can't even think of it without breaking out in a cold sweat.

What she could maybe offer was just to stop screwing up. She knows that Rachel and to a certain degree Puck had tried to look out for her since school had started. Despite ignoring them and even after Mack had hit Rachel, they still kept an eye out for her. Quinn knows she's not fatalistic and if she had known about the gun, she wouldn't have made the alcohol run to Big Al's.

And if Rachel and Puck hadn't been there, her life whatever little of it, it was worth, would have been over. She doesn't hate that she owes Rachel, she just hates that each time she's tried to pay her back, she's just made the girl suffer more.

Maybe that was the extent of their relationship and Quinn just couldn't not hurt Rachel but she knows that she still owes the brunette and she just can't live with herself if she at least didn't try and do something about it.

"Only if Rachel agrees…I'll like to re-join Glee but only if Rachel agrees."

Rachel wants to shout yes, she wants to run forward and grab Quinn around her middle and not let go. Hell, she'd settle for looking at her and receiving any sort of acknowledgement or even a tiny smile. But over-riding all of her wants is the knowledge that what she wants and what Quinn has given to her; what Quinn will give to her is so far apart that she needs to protect herself here.

Spending time with Quinn, hopefully saving her from the melancholy that has engulfed the blonde has to be her overriding concern. Anything else beyond that would probably never happen. She needs to put aside her own feelings and concentrate on what she can accomplish for Quinn and not what she wishes for herself. Rachel knows that loving Quinn Fabray was never going to be easy and all she really wants is to see the blonde smile again.

It's not that she's suddenly become selfless but Rachel's finally realized what it means to truly love someone more than she loved herself. It wasn't supposed to happen until she was twenty six as laid out in her thirty year plan. The person she was planning to fall for was going to be worldly, older and taller and more importantly, that person was supposed to love her back.

Right now, she had Quinn who definitely had more life experience than her going just by her exploits in the past week. Quinn was definitely taller and about six weeks older. The only criteria Quinn would never meet was that Quinn didn't love her. And Rachel knows that she's just setting herself up for more heartache but at least she has a chance her to make Quinn smile again.

If that meant allowing her to rejoin Glee, then it was the smallest price to pay considering this was the first time since school had started that Quinn had overtly talked to any one of them.

"Yes." Rachel finally looks up, first glancing at Quinn, brown eyes locking onto hazel ones, the look they share, she cannot interpret for the life of her. She feels Puck's hand on her forearm and that touch she can interpret easily because she knows he's worried about her. So she turns to look at him next.

"It's what we wanted." Her whispered words do not remove the concern expression from his face as she stands and finally turns to Finn. "Please, Finn. Mr. Schue's right. We can't turn our back on …on anyone who wants to join Glee. We're already two members down and Quinn…" She can't help but glance at Quinn again when she says the next words, "Quinn deserves another chance."

Rachel does not wait for his response as she walks towards Quinn, knowing that she needs to set the boundaries here. She stands as close to Quinn as she can, her words whispered soft such that no one except the blond hears them. "Please Quinn, just please don't kiss me again."

She can see Quinn wants to say something only the loudspeaker crackles to life and stops her words.

"Will Rachel Berry please make her way to the principal's office right now."

Principal Figgin's monotone voice not giving anything away even as Rachel stares wide eyed at Quinn. A dozen different scenarios run through her mind, all of them involving some kind of black mark on her permanent record but for the life of her, that fear is tempered by the knowledge that Quinn is back in Glee.

And when the blonde gives her that tentative smile, the one where one corner of her mouth is slightly higher than the other, she knows that whatever Figgin's was going to do to her, she'll at least have this one memory to add to her meager collection of Quinn looking at her not with contempt or anger but with something akin to friendship.

#$#$#$#$#$

"No." She can't help but repeat the word, this time louder and with more force as she looks at her two dads sitting on the couch in Principal Figgin's office. Of all the things that she had expected, this one scenario did not even enter her mind.

She had expected Sue Sylvester asking for a quart of her blood or the Lima Police Department wanting to report her criminal activity over the weekend. But what she did not expect to be blindsided by was her dads telling her that they were transferring her out of McKinley High.

"I can't leave. Please dad, daddy, please don't make me leave." Her voice is bordering frantic as she sees her dad glance at her daddy, their silent communication for once going over her head because all she can focus on is the fact that she finally has a chance to help Quinn now that the girl had come back to Glee. But in order to do that, she would need to be in Glee and not across town at some prep school.

"Sweetheart, this is for your own good." Her dad's voice is tight and she can tell that he's already made up his mind and she won't be able to sway him regardless of whatever she says.

"How? My friends are here. Glee club needs me, I can't just walk away. I won't." She matches his tone even as she looks to her daddy, hoping that he understands why she needs to stay.

"Rachel. You almost got arrested, you got into a fight and yesterday, when you got home, I recognized that smell." Hiram lists all the reasons why he is so worried about her. He gives his daughter the once over and can see that she's as adamant as they are about this.

When he and Leroy finally decided to have a child together, he had been the one to make all the promises. Not the standard ones about loving their child or looking after her to the best of their abilities but the more precious ones like to always ensure that she got every chance she deserved to make herself happy. It wasn't a difficult promise to keep when she was young.

Rachel loved to perform and paying for lessons, taking her to New York to see as many musicals as they could when she was ten and supporting every single artistic endeavor she set her sights on had been enough. However, right now though she was asking him to allow her to take this risk even though she herself knows that there is the highest of chances that she could get hurt and only a sliver of a chance that she would end up happy.

She's looking at him with those eyes, pleading with him with her entire demeanor and he's so damn afraid that he's out of his depth here. He turns to look at Leroy and can see his husband's jaw set. They're so alike, he and Rachel, that he knows it's up to him to break the impasse here.

"Rachel, your father and I have discussed this extensively." Leroy can see how upset Rachel is but it just adds credence to his view that she's too invested in this and right now she's opening herself up to a world of hurt and there was absolutely no way in hell that he would just stand by and watch. "I know we've said that we would always support you." He sees her shake her head at his words and he sighs because she's partly right but it still wasn't going to make him change his mind.

"I'm not looking for support." Her soft words throw him because they've always been there for Rachel. "I just need you to understand what Glee and what Quinn means to me." Rachel sees her dad mirror her earlier head shake. And her heart swells with the knowledge that they loved her so very much. And because of that fact, she still had a sliver of a chance to convince them here.

"I'm not going to get hurt." His snort at her response almost makes her smile, "Dad, I'm not going to get hurt because it's happened already. We lost Nationals, Quinn…Quinn made it absolutely clear that we're never going to…well, I know what it feels like to have that broken heart." And like clockwork, she feels a tear escape and then another.

She hates to see their pained features but at least she's told them the truth. "Staying here won't…it can't hurt me any further. But it'll give me a chance maybe to make a difference. To help Mr. Schue with Glee and to show Quinn that she's so much more that what she thinks she is. She's joined Glee again. Please dad."

Leroy is adamant with his decision as he stands up, towering over Rachel, his features set but before he can utter a word, Hiram presses his palm to his back. It's a message and a sign for his husband.

Their personal communication honed over time and so pitch perfect that Leroy knows immediately that Hiram is asking him to hold back his decision, at least until he's able to question Rachel himself. So he sits back down and looks on as his husband takes off his round frame and polishes them before turning to their daughter.

"Rachel, do you trust us?" He's absolutely certain she loves them unconditionally and she knows that they love her the same way. However, he needs to know if she trusts them here because he's certain that she's just not looking out for herself any longer and all the hurt she's exposing herself to is not healthy.

He does not want her to acclimatize to it, to think that this is how love should be and to accept it as fact if it occurred in the future for her. It's his worst nightmare come to pass and he feels her already settling for less than what she truly deserved. She's not answering back but at least she's listening to him, her expression solemn as she nods slowly at his question.

"Then you need to understand that we are so worried about you. And we only want what's best for you even if you can't see that. This is what's best for you." He sees her crying and it breaks his heart although he knows that by letting her stay here, she could get hurt so much worse.

"Rachel, we can't just stand aside and see you get so hurt. You don't think your heart can break any more but sweetheart, it can and you can't expect your dad and I to just let it happen."

Rachel hears the plea in his voice and she truly understands their motivations here. They've always wanted what was best for her and even if she knows that the last thing she wants to do is leave Glee especially after Quinn had rejoined, she has to at least take their view into consideration.

"I don't want to leave." It's the tears in her daddy's eyes that finally get to her, his glasses magnifying them. She's only seen him cry twice before and seeing it now finally pushes her over the line. "But…I'll..ok." She sees relief etched on their faces, "I need to tell…I'm going to tell Noah." She won't stop the tears from streaming down her face as she practically runs out of Figgin's office.

She's not surprised to see Puck loitering by the lockers outside, his hands in his pockets as he leans back, his eyes scanning for her. She rushes forward, her arms going around his waist as she cries into his chest. Her words tumbling out as she tells him of her transfer. They're muffled by his shirt as she tries to reconcile the fact that by agreeing to her dads wishes, she'll be leaving everything and everyone she loves behind.

She knows she's in love with Quinn but she also realizes that she'll be leaving Puck along with Kurt, Finn, Mercedes and Tina. She loved them too, it was difficult not to, considering that all of them in their own way had supported her in one way or another. She feels his arms tighten around her as he kisses the top of her head.

"Shhh, we'll think of something. Come on, Rach, please don't cry. Crawford Country Day, it's not so bad. Some of the girls there are hot…but not as hot as you. And maybe you'll find…maybe it won't be so bad..." Puck's words don't bring her comfort because she knows that there's nothing that can be done and come Monday morning, she'll be across town at Crawford despite her heart being entrenched at McKinley.

She knows he's trying to help but all he's doing is reminding her of what she'll be missing. His inappropriate humor, his support and the fact that she won't find anyone else like Quinn.

Quinn hears most of the conversation mainly because Puck still can't keep his voice down and for the life of her; she's actually able to pick out Rachel's soft voice despite the ambient noise surrounding her. She's at least still hidden, the hallway corner's a perfect spot to hear everything but not be seen.

She tries to tell herself that she's not here for Rachel and knowing that the brunette was finally transferring out was a good thing. Only, Rachel's anguish is palpable. Even though Quinn cannot see her, just hearing her tear filled voice is enough for her to understand how broken up Rachel is about going to Crawford.

There's no plan in her mind but she feels this need build up within her; a need to do something, not for her own gratification or to dampen her own feelings. She recognizes Rachel's tone, her broken words and that familiar sound of despair. And it's like a sign to her that she needs to do something because even if she won't admit it out loud, she knows deep down that she'll miss Rachel if she left.

**End Part 8**


	9. Trouble

**Trouble**

_**O no, I see,**_

_**I spun a web, it's tangled up with me,**_

_**And I lost my head,**_

_**The thought of all the stupid things I said,**_

_**O no what's this?**_

_**A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,**_

_**I turned to run,**_

_**The thought of all the stupid things I've done,**_

_**I never meant to cause you trouble,**_

_**And I never meant to do you wrong,**_

_**And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,**_

_**O no, I never meant to do you harm.**_

They've had this standing date since they first got together, a night for themselves every week. Normally it entailed dinner some place nice or at one of the hotels not exactly in Lima mainly because they were a mixed race gay couple. In Lima, either being gay or a mixed race couple alone would stand out but both together was a beacon that resulted in stares, bad service and snide remarks.

So they adapted which meant when Rachel was a baby, they'd eat dinner on the back porch by candlelight, a babysitter in the house for the three hours they spent together. As she grew up, they'd venture further away and now knew most of the good restaurants in Columbus. Tonight, Hiram had made reservations at Liem's. It was a new Vietnamese French restaurant that Leroy had been dying to try.

The drive to Columbus is tense because they're both still thinking about Rachel, not only how she looked in Figgins' office but the defeated expression she was still currently wearing. Both of them had thought about cancelling tonight. It would have been a first and Rachel knew how little time they shared together because of work so she had tried to put on a brave front when she insisted on ushering them out the door.

Hiram knew how guilty Leroy had felt when his husband actually called Noah Puckerman over, slipping the boy a fifty for vegan pizza and ice cream. Even now, he sees Leroy glancing at his watch and can tell he's trying to make up his mind whether to call and check in on Rachel.

"What else could we have done?" His tone is soft as he reaches across the table to hold Leroy's hand. "Rachel won't give up and-" He glances away because he cannot bring himself to imagine his daughter even more broken than she already is.

"She'll only get hurt so much worse." Leroy finishes his sentence for him before their eyes meet in understanding. They never expected it would be easy but no one warned them how much it would hurt to see their only daughter hurting.

"No she won't." Quinn's voice is a surprise as is her appearance next to their table. She looks tired, her left hand draped across her middle as her right hand goes to her mouth and she bites the nail of her thumb. She's almost swaying on her feet, only keeping upright through sheer will and because she needs to convince Rachel's dads to allow the brunette to remain at McKinley.

She knows in order to do that; she needs to appear like she actually means what she's saying so Rachel's dads see her as more than just another sullen, mean teenager bent on making their daughter's life miserable because she could.

Hiram's astonished by her appearance but always the gentleman, he stands before Leroy can say anything and pulls over a chair for Quinn. The girl almost collapses into it and he can see the strain around her eyes even though she's trying her level best to hide it as she glances away.

"Are you still in pain?" He knows the answer because she's stubbornly trying to hide it by balling her hands in fists, clenching her jaw, and breathing through her nose abnormally loudly.

He glances back at Leroy and sees his husband nod; it's comforting to know that they're so much in sync and even if they don't totally agree on how to handle this situation for Rachel, overall, their bond is still so very strong. "Just stay here, I have my bag in the car." Like before, he puts his hand gently on her shoulder and squeezes, hoping to convey that he's here to help.

Quinn nods slowly as she exhales another breath. It would have been an easier conversation with Dr. Berry there but Quinn knows that if she really wants to do something for Rachel, then it would entail convincing Leroy Berry. "Sir.." She sees his eyebrows rise at her choice of words but he remains silent, almost passive as he just looks at her, his arms crossed.

"I've hurt Rachel before." She's picked her words carefully to try to present as honest a picture as she can. "I've done it deliberately on so many occasions because she was…she is an easy target." Her gaze does not waver even as she sees Leroy's face tightening in anger at her words.

"She wears her emotions so openly and she's so damn sure of everything all the time. It was just so easy to make fun of her, to belittle her so that I didn't feel like I was the one who didn't know anything…who wasn't worth anything." It's not easy being this honest but somehow Quinn knows that it's the only way she'll get Mr. Berry to listen to her. The look he's wearing is part anger and part surprise at her words and unlike what his daughter would do, he just remains silent, waiting for her to continue and make her point.

"When Finn chose her at the end of sophomore year, I felt like I lost and…" It wasn't about Finn at all. If she were being honest with herself, she had loved Puck more than she ever loved Finn. He was just safer, more in line with her parents' expectations and losing him to Rachel just made it all the more obvious that she wasn't good enough no matter what she did.

"And for once, I wanted to know what it was like to win. I screwed up everything and gave away the one perfect thing I had and all I wanted was to know what it was like to win." She'd won a National Title with the Cheerios her freshman year but since then, everything she had touched had turned out so wrong. Giving Beth up had been the last straw for her, fracturing her beyond repair and ever since then, it just felt easier to give up trying altogether.

"But Rachel….she loved Finn and it wasn't about winning or losing with her. She actually cares about people. She actually cares about… me." Quinn shakes her head at the very thought of it. Despite her abysmal behavior, somehow along the way, Rachel developed feelings for her.

"I've hurt Rachel but I don't want to anymore. I know you won't believe me and I just need to prove it. But taking her way from what she loves, from whom she loves. You can't take her way from Glee or from the people she cares for. And..I…I promise that I'll quit…Glee or school or whatever." He sighs and rubs the back of his neck, and she knows he's collecting his thoughts as much as waiting for his husband to appear.

"Here." A white pill appears before her as Hiram Berry settles back in his chair, but she does not take it yet. She wants an answer from them first, to know that she's tried to at least make amends. She needs Rachel's dads to understand that she wasn't doing this for the pill or for her conscience but for Rachel. So she just looks at both of them and waits.

"You know that Rachel has…developed feelings for you..yes?" Leroy, even though all he sees right now is the girl who had just admitted to deliberately hurting his little girl, his voice is not harsh as it would if he thought he needed it to be.

She would be surprised by the question, but she's seen the close relationship Rachel has with her dads and even if she cannot begin to comprehend what it's like to have such a relationship, she realizes it's where Rachel gets her empathy from.

"Yes." It's the first time she's actually admitted to this out loud and the weight of that knowledge finally settles over her as she realizes just how serious this can become. It's not only about Rachel but about her as well. Everything she's tried to ignore and hide away, all her own confused thoughts and fears bubble just under the surface. She's tried her best to cope and where she couldn't, she's turned to denial. In her house, the word sinner carried so much weight. It was significant and the combination of fear, sin and denial coated all her thoughts and actions.

That one yes, lets loose her biggest fear and she feels her heart flutter and her breaths shorten. She's been taught right from wrong, clear cut messages drilled into her since she was knee high to her father. She knows what is acceptable and having feelings for Rachel and accepting that lifestyle was not on that list.

Rachel's dads aren't on the list either, even if all she sees is love and acceptance and all she feels is the wisp of a possibility that life can be amazing and different for her if only she let herself try. But her rigid upbringing and her father's condemnation of such things overshadows all.

"And by that look on your face…" Leroy's trying really hard now to keep his voice civil but just looking at Quinn and how her face shifts from fear to loathing makes him so angry. "If you can't accept that, what makes you think you're not going to hurt her further? We don't want to take her away from what she loves or whom she loves but…" He sees Hiram reach for his hand and though it calms him, he still feels this anger wrap around his senses as he stares at the girl sitting opposite him. "If you left Glee or school, she'd be hurt. Sending her to Crawford won't remove the hurt but maybe…just maybe it won't get worse."

"I want.." Quinn's eyes shift between the two men. She understands that their only wish is to protect their daughter. It actually hurts to see such love and realize that she's never really had that type of experience. "I want to be Rachel's friend. I think I can be..I know it's not what…she…I don't know why she cares for me..I'm..not..worth..." She looks at the white pill on the table and realizes that she can dull the pain at least for a while.

And it surprises her to hear Rachel's voice in her head then,  _'I want you'_ ,  _'Why are you doing this?',_  ' _Quinn deserves another chance.'_  ' _Please Quinn, just please don't kiss me again._ ' And it strengthens her resolve.

"Rachel deserves a friend and I know I don't deserve this chance but I promise I'll be Rachel's friend. I can't be anything…more but I need a friend too and I'll try my best not to hurt her." She looks down at her lap as her breath shudders out, the words themselves not taxing but their meaning and her implied promise is.

"Take the pill and I'll drive you back to Lima. Rachel's home and maybe she should hear this from you." She does not expect Leroy Berry to say those words and she has to look up at him to convince herself that he's actually spoken. It sounds like he's agreed to her plea but she still does not move until she sees Dr. Berry take the pill and place it in her palm.

"You get one chance, Quinn. Please don't screw it up." He has a hint of smile on his face.

#$#$#$#$

Between the both of them, they managed to finish the pizza even if she only had about a slice and a half and the vegan vanilla bean ice-cream was still untouched in the freezer. Puck had been solicitous, actually offering to watch  _Funny Girl_  with her even if he had adamantly declared not two weeks earlier that he would claw his eyes out if he had to watch and hear Fanny Brice sing one more time. Rachel had stayed home with a slight cold and when he brought over her homework, she had guilted him into watching the movie with her then.

And as much as she needed to feel comforted with the familiar, Rachel understood that she had to also start facing reality, which meant no more Puck bringing over her homework because he thought she'd let him copy some of it while she surreptitiously made him learn a few things. Reality meant not seeing Quinn even if it was just a glimpse in the hallways or sitting across from her in English Lit. And worst of all, reality meant not believing that by some miracle, all of this would work out for her eventually because she believed in love and in her heart that meant believing in Quinn.

So instead of making Puck suffer through  _Funny Girl_ , she took his hand and led him outside. She's never been one for the outdoors but lying in the backyard looking up at the stars always made her feel like she could be anywhere and do anything because the stars were the same ones in New York or London as they were in Lima. She feels the heat from Noah's body as she tilts her head to follow the trajectory of that one shooting star.

"Did you make a wish?" His voice has that worried quality to it that makes her feel like she needs to apologize for giving him things to actually worry about. He's always been laid back Puck, more interested in a good time than in anything serious. Only he's been there for her, not only protecting her but actually allowing her to come out bit by bit, both from her shell and the closet, not judging her at all and giving her support that she didn't think she'd need.

"Yeah." Her reply is soft and tentative because she knows that her wish is so far removed from coming true that she thinks she's wasted an opportunity. Even the magic of falling stars seems to vanish as she accepts that what she truly wants is something she will never have and come Monday morning, she won't see Quinn again.

"You have to promise me that you'll look out for her, that you'll make sure that she's ok and maybe you could see that she doesn't skip too many classes and-" She hears Puck hum an answer, not really committing, and she rolls on to her front and looks at him, her face solemn because she needs to hear him say the words.

"Rachel." He's back to being worried as his brows knit together and this time, he actually answers her. "I'm not you, I can't-" And he stops when he sees her face crumple because he so does not want to be the one who makes her cry. "Fine, ok." He blows out a breath before he takes her hand. "But you're going to have to promise me that you'll move on."

He can see that she's at least contemplating his words even if he knows she won't follow his advice because even he can see that she's fallen so hard for Quinn. And all he feels for her is sadness because he knows Quinn Fabray and for the life of him, he can't see it working out.

"I mean it Rach. Find some guy…hell find some blonde girl that looks half way like she does and get it out of your system. I hate seeing you like this. Even your singing.." And now he really knows he has her attention because she straightens her spine as she stares at him unblinking. "When you sang to Finn, it felt real and I know you want to sing for Quinn now but maybe you need to accept that this is for the best."

"No it isn't Noah. I can't just decide I don't love her anymore. You of all people know it doesn't work like that. I just need to know that she's ok." She's always known that he loved Quinn and it took him almost a year and a stint in Juvie to finally accept Quinn couldn't love him back after they gave Beth up. Even now, he felt compelled to look out for her because she still had a small piece of his heart. They're two sides of the same coin, both drawn to the one thing neither of them can have.

It's her sixth sense that causes her to look up and she wonders how much of it Quinn had heard as she looks at the girl standing in the shadow of her house. And like clockwork, she feels this pull low in her belly, butterflies and sweaty palms and that anticipatory feeling like anything is possible because she's in love and the person she loves is there.

Rachel knows she's prolonging her own agony because Quinn doesn't want her and come Monday, she won't be in Quinn's life anymore. But right now, right this very second, she can just be. She can look at the blonde and know that she's present and alright and maybe, just maybe she'll remember this moment because Rachel knows that for her, all these moments are all she'll ever have.

"Quinn, is everything alright?" She finally scrambles to her feet but does not move from her spot because she can see even from this distance that Quinn is closed off as usual, her expression guarded as she looks at her and then at Puck still on the ground, now rolled over onto his front and looking at her instead of Quinn.

Rachel resists the urge to look down and tell him that she's fine because she knows he won't believe her and that he'll say something about Quinn in front of Quinn which would probably send the blonde running. She was at first surprised that he aligned himself with her instead of the mother of his child, but then she thought it through to its natural conclusion and recognized the guilt and knows he can only deal with Quinn in indirectly. Supporting her in her ridiculous quest to help Quinn allows him the distance that makes everything all the more bearable.

"Do you need to see my daddy, he's on a da..he's not home." Her words trail off as she sees the lights in her house blazing. "Or maybe he is. I'll go and get him."

"No, Rachel, I came to see you. I already talked to your dads." There's this almost comical look on Rachel's face as the brunette glances upwards at the sky, her mouth open but no words coming out as she continues to stare upwards such that Quinn mirrors her pose wondering what she's looking at.

Rachel believes in love and understands the power of hope. She believes in karma and wishing stars even though she's never been proven right…well, until now. Quinn was here to see her and even if she cannot comprehend how or why, she feels like this could be the start of something. She glances at Quinn as she finally takes a few steps forward and Quinn's still looking up at the night sky. She's never looked more beautiful to Rachel. She does not want to say anything and disrupt this perfect moment, but she knows she needs to.

"Quinn?"

"Your dads agreed not to transfer you to Crawford." She was planning to ease towards the point, to perhaps offer some sort of truce first. But hearing Rachel's confession makes her so damn confused because it reminds her what it feels like to matter. If only she could get past the thought that it was all so  _wrong_.

"We're friends. I know it's never always seemed that way and you've always been more…open. I can't do more but…we can be friends."

It's actually more than she expected even if she feels another piece of her heart sliced off at Quinn's words. She can accept friendship; she can live with knowing that her love won't be reciprocated as long as Quinn was actually back in Glee and maybe she would start singing and smiling again. That was something she would definitely settle for.

"Ok." She hears Puck mumble under his breath and knows he does not like this but he'll support her and hold her when it finally falls apart. He's lost his faith in Quinn and Rachel prays she has enough for the both of them.

**End Part 9**


	10. Don't Let It Break Your Heart

**Don't Let It Break Your Heart**

_**And if I lost the map  
If I lost it all  
I fell into the trap  
Then she goes**_

_**When you're tired of waiting so you just**_  
 _ **Find that you never had to stop**_  
 _ **Come on baby, don't let it break your heart**_

She's so surprised to see Quinn parked outside her house Monday morning that she forgoes breakfast and rushes out the front door without her scarf, jacket or book bag. She's not sure what she's going to say or do but to be honest, she's just trying to ascertain that Quinn's actually outside and not just a figment of her overactive imagination because of her dream last night.

"Rachel."

Her daddy's voice stops her in her tracks as she guiltily turns to look at him.

"Daddy."

Her answer back with an accompanying smile elicits a smile in return, although he does not let her go.

"Back inside, young lady. Your dad did not waste his morning slaving over the stove making his world renowned vegan pancake recipe for you to just ignore it. Besides, unless you're expecting to catch a cold and ignore classes, I'm pretty sure you're going to need your coat and books."

She glances at Quinn who's sitting rigidly in her car and Rachel has to squash the urge to wave at her. She's really out of her depth here because they've only been friends from afar. And that meant conversations that start out fine and end in tears or start out in tears and end in fewer tears.

Rachel sighs as she re-enters her house and almost pulls her daddy along. Only he's walking towards Quinn's car and as much as she would like to follow him, she knows that he's right that her dad was trying his best to make up for what he had almost done. Rachel knows there's really nothing to forgive him for because he had only been looking out for her. She enters the kitchen to hear her dad whistling as he expertly flipped a pancake.

"That smells really good."

Her hands go around his waist as she hugs her dad from behind.

"Damn right it does. Go and sit."

He plates the pancakes and drizzles just the right amount of organic honey on them. He's about to add fruit when he sees Hiram enter with Quinn in tow. He knows that he's promised to give her a chance with Rachel but on the other hand, he knows that whatever his daughter had said about friendship being enough, deep down she would always hope for more.

Rachel was his daughter and not just because it said so on her birth certificate. She was a part of him and he knows, he really truly knows that when Rachel loved someone, she went all in. That meant that she would open herself up and accept whatever Quinn could give. But in the end, she would hope for a happy ending that he knows would not occur.

He nods at Quinn but does not smile, although he softens a bit when he sees her worried expression. "Pancakes?" he holds out the plate to her. It's as close to a peace offering as he can muster because he hopes that she really did mean what she said back at the restaurant in Columbus.

Quinn takes the plate and hesitates just enough such that Rachel notices, before sitting directly opposite her. She does not look up but eats her meal deliberately and all Rachel can do is sigh and do the same.

The ride to school is equally awkward mainly because Rachel panics and instead of staying silent like she promised herself she would, she almost word vomits when Quinn asks her if the air conditioning is ok for her and not too cold.

"Cold, no, it's not too cold. In fact, I think it's just right, you know. Kind of like the three little bears or the littlest bear saying everything was just right. I mean, not that I'm a bear or you're goldilocks although you are blonde and…" She trails off when Quinn actually turns to look at her.

Rachel knows she's making an ass of herself because Quinn's entire body actually turns towards her such that she's worried about them getting into an accident. Quinn's right eyebrow rises in a silent question.

"It's fine." Rachel sighs again as she bows her head, breaking off eye contact to stare intently at her wringing hands. She's completely blowing it and wonders if Quinn is regretting or has already regretted her offer of friendship. And if that were the case, Rachel knows she has a limited time window to ensure Quinn is ok. So instead of keeping silent, she goes with the question she's been dying to ask the blonde since she saw her parked outside her house.

"Are...are you ok?"

Her voice is timid and she holds her breath waiting for Quinn to answer. Only Quinn does not say anything. Instead her hand reaches out and she switches on the radio. Rachel expects punk music but what she gets is Billie Holiday and somehow it's comforting as Rachel finally leans back into the seat and breathes again.

#$#$#$#$#$

School's less uncomfortable mainly because they have the least number of classes together on Mondays, so Rachel tracks Quinn's progress in the hallways as they make their way to their separate classes. As always, she's so intent on looking out for the blonde that her sixth sense misses the looks the Cheerios are giving each other each time they pass her.

Quinn remembers when her only respite from all the pressure was just enjoying learning something in one of her classes. It used to ground her and make her realize that she just needed to hang on until graduation and maybe by then, she would have a plan to get out of Lima.

Head Cheerio and a 4.0 grade point average would at least get her to OSU if not to Berkeley. It's a dream she'd kept close to her heart since she could remember. Realizing it was never going to happen when she got pregnant had almost broken her. Giving Beth up and knowing that that was the best thing that she would ever accomplish did break her.

So she still derives some pleasure from just learning something even if she knows it's not a means to an end but just an end in itself. She's taking AP physics and apart from Mike and Santana, there are no other people she knows or even cares to recognize. She slumps in her seat closest to the door and notes the serious conversation Santana seems to be having with one of her Cheerio minions just outside.

"It's happening at two. Coach says you have to be there, Lopez. We're not going to start without you …"

Quinn catches the warning tone but is surprised to see Santana's face almost blanch as her jaw tightens and she just nods. The Cheerio, Michelle or Katie-Quinn hasn't kept up since she finally quit-looks like she doesn't believe Santana. So she stands there, her arms crossed until she hears Santana curse in Spanish before replying.

"I'll be there."

Quinn most definitely does not miss being at Coach Sylvester's beck and call and she shakes her head at Santana's predicament. But it's really her choice and that one yoke was something Quinn had actually been happy to get rid of.

"She…We need to make sure that she does not get too hurt. We have Sectionals coming up."

Quinn's head actually jerks up at that comment because she's almost sure that Santana is not that stupid or mean. Sure, she has a huge chip on her shoulder because she is at that point where she knows exactly who and what she wants but just cannot take that one last step. If Quinn is being honest, Santana is still so very far ahead at least in accepting who she is.

And she could be a freaking bitch and a raging perfectionist when it came to exacting revenge. Only she knows that Santana would not purposely hurt Rachel. They still made snide comments about each other but that has been the extent of their interactions. Quinn hopes that she's wrong and they're talking about hurting someone else. Only she's heard the rumblings in school.

Coach Sylvester planned for all contingencies, which was why she always recruited four additional Cheerios for her squad. Ever since three girls came down with food poisoning in 2002, she'd always ensured that her routines had four additional girls just in case.

Only with five of them suspended due to what happened to Rachel, Quinn knows that the Cheerios couldn't compete in the easier State Round Robin and would have to win their Slot later at the Nationals Round Robin competition.

She glances up when Santana enters, her hand shooting out to grab the Latina's before she brushed pass her. "What are you planning on doing to Rachel?"

Santana's already feeling like crap and she definitely does not need Quinn to add to her issues considering that the blonde didn't even talk to her any more. She wrenches her hand from Quinn's grip.

"None of your goddamn business. Why the hell do you care what we do or what gets done to Rachel? You have new friends now, remember?"

She stalks to her chair in the back and grabs her phone, needing to ground herself as she taps out a quick message to Brittany. Its only when her phone beeps a minute later does she feel the muscles in her back relaxing. Brittany's reply is incoherent as always but the 'love you' sign off is all she needs to know that whatever happens this afternoon, she does have someone who would always be there for her.

Try as she might, Quinn cannot seem to concentrate on The Second Law of Thermodynamics. All she can focus on is entropy, not Clausius's definition but just the state of eventual degeneration. And it's just such a stark parallel to her life. She knows where she's going to end up and had taken it as an inevitability really, her once ordered normal life completely self destructing into the mess she was today.

Except, there was someone standing in her way; Rachel cared enough to stop the entropy that was her life. Even if she didn't care, Rachel actually did. And even if Rachel is irritating and loud mouthed and completely opinionated, she doesn't deserve whatever Coach Sylvester had planned for her.

Quinn waits when class ends and as soon as Santana passes her desk, she grabs at her hand once again and drags her towards the back of the class. "What's going down at two?" She sees Santana's usual pissed look. Only this time it's exacerbated by the fact that it's actually overlaid with some guilt. She knows she could go about this one of two ways: either slap it out of Santana or-

"Please, S. She's infuriating but…she believed in you when you said you liked Glee. We're all a family in Glee."

She's repeating Rachel's words and it actually seems to resonate with Santana as she lets out an exasperated breath.

"Becky's going to lure her to the gym and we're going to pummel her with dodgeballs. And when she runs out, Rick and his Neanderthals are going to slushy her by the stairs." Even saying the words make her face twist as she understands exactly how horrible the entire experience is going to be for Rachel.

Quinn's eyes widen at she glances at the clock. It's barely one fifteen and knowing Coach, she'll have a back up plan even for this.

"Can you stop it?"

Santana shakes her head. She is Cheerio captain. It's something she had wanted ever since Quinn had gotten it, never understanding what it actually meant. And only after she got it did she realize that nothing had changed except for the fact Sue now had even more power over her. "She doesn't trust me to go ahead with this so she made Katie do it. I'm just there to make sure Berry doesn't get too hurt."

"And if I just take Rachel home now?"

She recognizes Santana's look. Its pity mixed with  _'How galactically stupid are you, Fabray?'._

"Then it'll happen tomorrow or the day after."

Sometimes she hates this school and this town and it's only when she feels her phone vibrate does she remember why she stays. 'Brit's talking to the Juniors, telling them to take it easy."

Quinn knows that just means don't put your entire weight behind the throw but still aim for the head. "What did Sue say exactly?"

"Aim for the nose." Quinn makes up her mind as soon as she hears Santana's words and takes off in a run towards Sue's office.

#$#$#$#$#$

"What are you saying exactly, Q?" Sue's sitting behind her desk, her elbows on it as her fingers are steepled together. She can't say she hasn't been expecting this little encounter although the impetus for it was not even something she could have thought up even with time and access to the really good drugs.

"You like revenge, Coach. You revel in it. It drives you and I'm offering you the chance to exact as much of it as you'd like….on me." Quinn's hands are clammy but she does not wipe them on her skirt. Instead she turns to pretend to examine the trophies on the side wall. She sees the empty space where last year's trophy should have been and she turns to smirk at Sue.

"Careful, Q. You're still on thin ice and one step away from my full wrath that has sent Navy Seals running for the hills." Quinn's proposition would actually get her exactly what she wants and it is difficult not to say yes immediately. "So, just to be clear here; in exchange for me calling off this alleged dodgeball attack-"

She raises a finger at Quinn's eyebrow lift. " _Allegedly_  planned attack, you agree to rejoin the Cheerios at the bottom of the pyramid, take whatever crap I deem fit to hurl in your direction and help me win Nationals."

She had sworn never to come back. She had enough insults hurled at her at home. She didn't need to hear how useless she is in school as well. But she had rejoined Glee for Rachel so in a twisted way, rejoining the Cheerios for the brunette made sense too.

"Yes."

Her gaze does not waver as she sees Sue's eyes narrow and she can tell that she's made a deal with the devil. But it's too late to back out now.

"Becky!"

Her voice carries, and she can hear Becky's scurrying feet. Her mind is already focusing on where her new trophy is going to go because she already knows what routine she wants to inflict on them this year. She's a bit wary at the way Quinn's favoring her left side but it's a moot point anyway considering the girl is just going to be one giant bruise when she got through with her.

"Yes, Coach?"

"Get all the girls to get out on the field now."

"But Coach-" Becky trails off as she gives Quinn the once over.

"We have that gym practice session."

"I'm calling it off." She looks at Quinn when she says the words and is mildly surprised to see relief on the girl's face. She always assumed that that midget was a thorn in Q's side, a little woodpecker bent on pecking away at everything Quinn wanted like that oaf quarterback or that pool cleaning would be felon.

She doesn't really care though because Sue Sylvester was back and she was going to win another National Title.

"Sure thing, coach." Sue watches Becky run out and it still doesn't feel completely right, just giving up her plan for that little Glee Club mouth breather. However, she does know that she has made a deal and in her mind, that was that unless she could think of a justifiable alternative.

"Q, pick up your uniform from the locker room anytime."

#$#$#$#$#$

Quinn sees Rachel loitering by her locker, surreptitiously glancing at her watch and then back to the room where she's actually suppose to be having History. She should have realized it before but thinking back now, she's almost sure that Rachel's always managed to be in the halls this year whenever she was in classes they didn't share together.

"Rachel." Quinn tries to hide her smirk at Rachel's little jump at her voice.

"Hi Quinn. I was umm… shouldn't you be in History?" She realizes how stalkerish she sounds but it's too late when she sees Quinn's smirk. She's already admitted to liking the girl, wanting her even so admitting to memorizing Quinn's schedule didn't really seem too bad.

"I had a faculty advisor meeting instead." The lie rolls off her tongue so easily even if she actually feels bad for telling it. She has her uniform tucked under her arm. Before, she'd carry it around in its transparent plastic sheath, proud for everyone to see it. This time it's bundled and wrapped in brown paper, hidden away.

"If you're done with your class, I'll give you a ride home." She sees Rachel nod and smile tentatively at her. Quinn was pretty sure that this friendship thing really wasn't going to work. Even breakfast this morning and the really, really uncomfortable car ride to school all indicated that they were just not cut out to be friends.

However, right at this moment, something shifts within her. She hadn't done anything for herself or for anyone in a long time. And what she had done today, made her feel like she could matter again, maybe make a difference.

"Just don't compare me to any fairytale characters or ask me repeatedly if I'm ok…ok?" She tempers her words with a small smile of her own when she sees Rachel nod.

They're almost at the main doors when she sees Rick leaning against the wall, a slushy in his hand. She moves instinctively to Rachel's right knowing she won't be able to stop the attack but she'd probably be able to take most of the slushy.

Only she doesn't see Coach Sylvester until the woman steps in front of them, grabbing Rick by his jersey and tipping his hand such that the drink flies at Rachel before Quinn has a chance to pull her away.

She follows the trajectory of the cup, the blue liquid coating Rachel's front, before splashing to the ground. And when she tries to take a step forward, she's stopped by Sue's words.

"You know what Q? You were right, revenge is fun. So thanks for reminding me of that and giving me the chance." She mimes a gun with her hand as she points it at Rachel and clicks her tongue before turning on her heel to leave. Her final words making Quinn feel small all over again.

"Welcome back to the Cheerios Q. You've earned it."

There are quite a few things that Rachel hates with a passion like anyone maligning Barbra's nose or voice or losing a solo in Glee. She has a list written somewhere and she's up to number twenty six. She knows without a doubt that getting slushied is something she will hate for the rest of her life and that ranks at about number three. However, being set up by Quinn to be slushied was even worse than anything on her list right now.

She had wondered about her limit with Quinn. Her dad had pointed out that it would eventually happen but she had hoped that he was wrong. Only she knows that learning that Quinn had rejoined the Cheerios and apparently made a deal with Sue to get her slushied-knowing that made her realize that she had finally reached her limit.

Rachel runs out the door as fast as she can. She hears Quinn's voice calling her name, pleading for her to stop, telling her that she needs to explain but it's finally all too much.

"Rachel! Please Rachel. I didn't.. Please, please just stop!" Quinn runs after her.

"Rachel!"

**End Part 10**


	11. Don't Panic

**Don't Panic**

_**We live in a beautiful world,  
Yeah we do, yeah we do,  
We live in a beautiful world.  
Oh, all that I know,  
There's nothing here to run from,  
And there, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.**_

She stops short of the East parking lot, only belatedly realizing her car's at home. And to be honest, it's that last shout from Quinn that freezes her in her tracks. The way Quinn says her name, like it matters to her now, like it really means something and not just used as a punch line or throwaway insult.

Rachel still cannot bring herself to look at Quinn though. Instead she looks down at her shoes as blue ice bits drip all over them and the pavement. The familiar sticky sensation is something she can't forget no matter how hard she tries. And by the look of it, it's still going to be a mainstay for her senior year. It's just that she really truly thought that Quinn had moved on from wanting to set her up as a target for them.

But the evidence dripping off her is unrelenting as were Coach Sylvester's parting words. She has no clue why Quinn would suddenly want to rejoin the Cheerios. Maybe it had been her intention all along and all she needed was an in.

"Rachel."

There's actual emotion in Quinn's voice but not disdain and even if Rachel cannot place whatever it is, she can't help but finally turn around and look at Quinn. She's actually surprised to see Quinn looking positively stricken, her forehead creased and her eyes shining like there are unshed tears threatening to fall from them.

"I didn't know she was going to do that. Rachel you have to believe me." There's a plea in her voice that Rachel's never heard before.

"But you knew she was going to do something?" Rachel had expected retaliation. You didn't go to McKinley High without knowing all about Coach Sue Sylvester and how seriously she took her Cheerios.

Quinn does not know how to answer that question. If she said yes, it would reinforce Rachel's belief that she actually set her up to get slushied by Sue. However, if she said no, she would be lying again to Rachel and that didn't sit right with her.

"Can…can I help you clean up and then I'll ..then I promise I'll explain." She runs her hand through her hair and knows that she'll have to wash out the pink and possibly look at extensions if Sue still kept to the Cheerio Rule Compendium Bible.

Rachel recognizes a stalling tactic when she hears one but she actually has a good reason why she has to refuse. "I forgot to replenish my slushy clean up kit or my spare set of clothes since the first week of school." She had been planning to do it but with Glee and keeping a lookout for Quinn, she just never got around to it.

"I still keep some toiletries in my locker and don't worry about spare clothes, I have just the thing." She tugs on Rachel's arm before the brunette can protest. She brings Rachel to the seldom used bathroom next to the science lab before rushing off to grab her toiletries.

By the time she gets back, Rachel's washed most of the ice off her hair and Quinn helps her with the shampoo. They don't say anything, but Quinn tries her best to catch Rachel's gaze via the mirror.

It's only after Rachel towels herself off does Quinn hold out the brown paper bag. "You should change into these."

Rachel takes the bag, resisting the urge to peer inside until after she gets into one of the stalls. But as soon as she does, her gasp is difficult to mask as is her further exclamation. "I can't wear this."

"Why not?"

Quinn knows that Rachel's just a bit shorter any maybe a bit fuller but she's almost sure that the uniform would fit because she hadn't had a chance to take it in as yet.

"It's ..it's-"

How does she explain her absolute fear of wearing the one thing that could highlight everything that was wrong with her. Add to that the fact that if Coach Sylvester caught her, her life would be even more fucked up than it already is.

"Rachel, it's just a uniform."

But even as she says the words, she remembers how it was with her. She remembers how by putting it on was like donning armor or more accurately, a shield she could hide all her deficiencies behind.

"No, Quinn, it's not." She knows her voice is wavering as she stares at the red outfit. In a different life, maybe it would have felt right but she's never really felt like a Cheerio and the Quinn who did was also the same person that had highlighted that she would never fit in.

"Wearing it shouldn't make you feel bad and likewise, it shouldn't make you…it shouldn't have made me think that I was better than everyone else." It's easier to talk to Rachel through the door because it's as if the brunette wasn't there and Quinn can imagine she's just admitting to her failings out loud to herself.

Quinn does not hear Rachel's response although she does hear the rustling of clothes. She's really not sure what to expect when the door opens but when it does, her words are stuck in her throat.

She's seen the girl in short skirts before and most of her sweaters were tight. She's also noticed Rachel's arms when she wore sleeveless dresses a few times. However the combination of a sleeveless Cheerio top, Cheerio skirt and wet slicked back hair made Rachel Berry look positively stunning. This knowledge has always been lurking about ever since Rachel had approached her last year when she considered a nose job. Quinn regrets never talking her out of it from the start but she knows that their duet for Glee had a hand in finally changing Rachel's mind.

"You look good." She tries to keep her voice neutral even as she sees Rachel blush as she dips her head and it's such a sweet reaction that she can't help but smile. She's being objective here because she cannot in any way view Rachel as more than a friend. It's not something she can even contemplate so she does the next best thing as she takes Rachel's soiled clothes from her and puts them into her bag. "I'll drive you home."

The drive home is only marginally less uncomfortable than the morning. Each time Rachel opens her mouth to say something, she chickens out at the last second and on two occasions closes her jaw with such force that Quinn turns to stare at her before looking back at the road.

Rachel wants to ask her about Sue's parting words but it's difficult to broach the subject as Quinn had already said she would tell her about it. So, she forces herself to look out the window for a distraction and her mind wanders when she sees a brunette woman carrying a small blonde boy. She knows it's not Shelby and Beth but it reminds her of what Quinn had said before she collapsed in her arms.

"Have you seen Beth?"

Her question is out before she realizes that she's spoken out loud and the silence permeating the car becomes oppressive especially when the only reaction Quinn has is the tightening of her hands around the steering wheel such that her knuckles are almost white.

"I..I'm sorry. I shouldn't..it's none of my.." Rachel scrambles to find the right words, hoping to reassure Quinn that she really does not want to pry.

"No." Quinn expels that one word on her exhale.

Rachel's not sure if she's answering the question or asking her to stop so she bites down hard on her lower lip and stares at her wringing hands in her lap. She truly hates this tic of hers but it's inevitable considering that she keeps wanting to reach out to Quinn all the while knowing Quinn won't accept her touch.

"Have…have you seen her?" She's almost afraid to hear the answer because she's already semi-tormented with what little she knows and any other scrap of information could send her hurtling further along on her self destructive path.

Rachel can hear something wholly different coloring Quinn's voice and she can't quite place it until she sees Quinn turn to glance at her. The fear in her eyes is so obvious. And Rachel's not sure what exactly she's afraid of but she also does not want to lie to Quinn.

"Yes, over the summer." Her dads don't even know and Rachel realizes there's really little chance of them finding out from Quinn. Surprisingly to her, Shelby had been the one to reach out. And she hadn't known how to react so she said nothing and tried to ignore the email.

It had been Puck who had changed her mind inadvertently. He had a picture of Beth in his wallet. It was taken with a disposable camera through the observation glass and it's not clear. But its all he had and he would always glance at it each time he opened his wallet.

And when Shelby had acquiesced to sending her a picture of Beth, she had also by then agreed to keep up some contact culminating in a short coffee meeting at the Lima Bean which she spent marveling at how Beth looked so much like Quinn except for her smile which was pure Puck.

"There's...I have a picture if you want to see her." Rachel sees Quinn bite her lip and nod tersely.

"Thank you." She keeps thanking Rachel and hurting her at the same time and she knows that it's really up to her to break the cycle. "About what happened-"

Rachel tenses up because she's really not sure she can hear Quinn apologize for once again hurting her on purpose but she stays silent because she has no other choice. Her dads were right that she was just setting herself up to get hurt and she had to protect herself. So hearing Quinn tell her the truth would hopefully bring her illusions about Quinn to an end, and Rachel would have to learn to accept that as a fact and pray her heart could find someone else worthy of her love.

"I didn't set you up." Quinn pulls over on the shoulder because she needs Rachel to look at her and realize she isn't lying. She's unsurprised to see Rachel having a hard time meeting her gaze as she stares at her wringing hands. It's difficult to reach out. Her hands are already clammy at the very thought but she does it anyway, reaching over the center console to place her hand on top of Rachel's.

"Coach Sylvester wants to win above all else and I can help her do that but…not at your expense. It wasn't suppose to-" Quinn cannot bring herself to tell Rachel the whole truth. She just could not let the brunette think that she could give her more because even now, she's praying that no one will see them together parked by the side of the road.

Rachel truly wants to believe Quinn's words and to try and take them at face value. She wants to not read into them too much. But the feel of Quinn's hand on hers and the earnestness in her voice are enough to make her hope again even against everything her fathers warned her about.

"Ok, I believe you." She smiles tentatively at Quinn, finally meeting her eyes and once again, she can't really read all the emotions there. But what she does see is relief and fear. She shivers slightly when Quinn takes her hand back.

"Are you cold?" Quinn ignores the way her heart stutters when Rachel's smile falters a bit at as she removes her hand. "Or are you just wight?"

Finally, it's the right thing to say to break the underlying tension as Quinn waggles her eyebrows trying to sound like baby bear.

Rachel snorts and turns a cute shade of red that actually nearly matches the Cheerio outfit, which Quinn does not refrain from pointing out. By the time they pull up to Rachel's house, they're both smiling shyly, the uncomfortable feeling dissipating throughout the drive.

Rachel almost tumbles out when she opens the door because Quinn just finished the punchline to a joke she had heard from Mack and she's laughing so hard that she misses the step. She has to hold on to the door to prevent herself from falling face first onto the driveway.

"Oh, Good God, Please tell me you didn't. Rachel Barbra Berry please tell me you're not that crazy." It's her dad's deep voice that cuts through their laughter as he stands there, carrying two grocery bags and staring at her open mouthed. She does not really understand his reaction as she glances at Quinn.

Coming home with Quinn and sharing a laugh should not elicit such a reaction from her dad but she knows that he is still incredibly wary of Quinn. "Dad, Quinn just gave me a ride back. She's been nothing but kind." There's hurt lacing her voice.

Quinn picks up the reason for his reaction almost immediately but is still a bit taken aback by how Rachel's trying to defend her. "Mr Berry, it's my uniform. Rachel had an incident." She glances away as she utters the word, hating to speak in euphemisms as she lets out a breath and tries again. "Rachel got slushied and she didn't have a spare set of clothes, so I made her wear my uniform."

"I thought that-"

Leroy trails off because he knows that wishing and hoping wasn't the same as reality and even if he wished that every school year would be different for Rachel, he knows that it never has been the case.

"Thank you." He directs those words to Quinn, before grabbing another bag of groceries.

"I'm actually thinking of making coq au vin and tofu goulash tonight. Quinn you're welcome to stay for dinner. I'm sure you and Rachel have homework that you could do until then." It's baby steps for him and the girl standing next to his daughter. He just cannot bring himself to think well of her even though he can see that Rachel thinks the world of her.

The word 'no' is on the tip of her tongue. Quinn can tell that Leroy Berry still does not like her and she cannot blame him considering all he's seen is the effect she has had on Rachel as a consequence of the bullying and her own mistakes.

However, she can't help but notice the way Rachel almost perks up again when she hears the invite, not really looking at Quinn but just holding her breath as she waits for her answer, her posture almost rigid.

"I..um..I'll call my mom and ask."

It's the best she can offer. Quinn knows that Judy would actually be surprised that she took the trouble to ask but she needs the extra time to really gauge if staying is actually a good idea.

#$#$#$#$#$

Quinn does not expect Puck to show up just before dinner as he waltzes in unannounced via the kitchen door, a guitar slung over his shoulder. She does note a few things though with his arrival. He's as wary of Leroy Berry as she is. Puck nods to the man before scurrying up the stairs to Rachel's room.

The other thing she realizes is that he's unsurprised to see her in the kitchen helping Mr. Berry with the food. It was like he expected her to be there which was even more surprising than finding out that Leroy Berry didn't just single her out for his accusatory stare.

"Do you need me to roll the dumplings?" She can tell that Leroy's surprised not only by her offer to help but also by the fact that she knows her way around a kitchen. She hates talking about herself but she figures that he already has made up his mind about her. And perhaps this would temper his view. "My mom always viewed cooking as an important life skill…'not only to catch a husband but to entertain as well.'" She's parroting Judy and has to stop herself from saying too much.

She hated the reasoning but liked the fact that with enough time, patience and experimentation, she could make something spectacular out of just raw ingredients. It still wasn't enough and this was the first time in two years she let herself go back into a kitchen.

"My mother never wanted me in the kitchen. To this day, she thinks it's one of the things that made me gay." He shakes his head as he pours some burgundy into the pot before turning to look at Quinn. He wants to say something to put her mind at rest for any feelings she might have for Rachel, but he knows that Quinn is so far removed from knowing what she wants that any advice he gives will go over her head. So he just says, "She just didn't understand."

She nods at his words and honestly, it's more than he expected.

"You should roll out the dumplings. Both my husband and daughter love them just a bit firm." Quinn nods and gets to work, trying not to think of what Puck and Rachel are doing upstairs.

Dinner finishes with Puck proclaiming that he would consider converting if all vegan food tasted like the dumplings she had made. Rachel insists on cleaning the table and Quinn knows she has to go home even if everyone was still sitting around the table completely sated from the good food and decent conversation over dinner.

"I should go." She directs her words at Rachel and the brunette nods before pointedly looking at Puck. It's then that Quinn understands that Rachel must have called him over, maybe to run interference or to support her because Rachel still probably didn't trust her. It's not the best feeling to end the evening on but Quinn realizes that she's already been accorded so many chances by the Berry's that she should not feel slighted in the least. However, it still makes her feel like she's not worth anything.

"I'll walk you out." Puck's trust in Rachel stems from the simple fact that she was the only one who understood that he didn't screw up on purpose and she accepted that he was always going to be who he was, nothing more or less. So when she called to ask him for this one favor, he could not say no even if he felt he was the one taking a chance here by sharing something with Quinn.

He opens the front door for her and can see that she's also unsure of where this is going. It's weird that they have this one huge thing in common but even that has not managed to bind them together. Maybe giving Beth up was the right thing to do for Beth but he's always wondered if it was the right thing to do for Quinn even if he never wanted to find out that answer because he couldn't do anything to change it.

"Why did she call you?" Quinn just needs to get it over with, to have Puck give her the talk that Finn already had and to accept that they all still expected her to screw Rachel over. It's not that she herself doesn't think of that happening as a distinct possibility.

He reaches for his back pocket and carefully takes out the picture. Apart from his guitar and Playstation, it's the single most valuable item he has in his possession. And he knows he's only got it because Rachel had willingly opened herself up to Shelby in order to get it.

"Rachel said you should see this." He's never seen a baby picture of Quinn but he'd bet good money that it would look eerily similar to Beth's. He didn't carry her around for nine months like Quinn had but he still felt like a part of himself had disappeared when he had signed the final papers.

It's the first time he's seen Quinn look unsure as she looks at the picture but does not move to take it. So he slowly reaches out to take her hand and places it in her palm. She's staring at it, wide eyed but her eyes are dry and he wonders if she's feeling anything or even if she's capable of feeling anything anymore.

Then he glances down and sees her other hand held so tightly in a fist that he's sure she's hurting herself so he reaches out again, this time gently curving his palm around her closed fist. "She has my smile and your eyes." Her eyes slam shut at his words and he sees that she really is affected.

Quinn's dreamt of this, except it wasn't just looking at a picture but at Beth. And she's actually glad that it hasn't occurred because even with just that picture, that static reminder, grainy and probably six months old, it affects her on such a level that she feels almost faint.

It's a good thing that Puck is holding her hand so she knows this is really happening and not some awful trick of her over active mind. Her nightmares about Beth still keep her up at night but at least this picture, this tiny bit of reality may actually hold them at bay.

"Can I get a..copy." She does not want to give it back but she can see how precious it is to Puck so she holds it out to him.

Quinn had never been perfect but she had been extraordinary and he had a hand in making her lose faith in herself. He will never regret making Beth but will always regret what that did to Quinn. So he shakes his head at her words. "Keep it. I'll…We'll see about making a copy or getting others."

Quinn nods as she holds the picture close to her heart before turning to run to her car.

**End Part 11**


	12. In My Place

**In My Place**

_**In my place, in my place**_

_**Were lines that I couldn't change**_

_**I was lost, oh yeah**_

_**I was lost, I was lost**_

_**Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed**_

_**I was lost, oh yeah**_

_**I was scared, I was scared**_

_**Tired and underprepared**_

_**But I wait for you**_

They fall relatively easily into a routine that week with Quinn picking her up the next two days and then asking Rachel to drive them on Thursday and Friday. They don't spend that much more time in each other's orbit but just by driving together, there is this new sense of getting to know each other.

Rachel confirms what she's always thought about Quinn and her taste in music. She was an old soul who didn't listen to anything recorded after 1970 if she could help it and even if she could sing any one of the new top forty hits, her taste would always veer towards the classics.

And Quinn found out that Rachel did like bubble gum pop. It would never ever rival the heights of her love for Broadway but any Katy Perry song or even Rihanna, would send her bobbing and singing along. It was cute if a bit unsettling to hear Rachel's clear vocals in the confines of the car. It was as if the girl was singing directly to her about the one that got away or making out or finding love in a hopeless place. The one artist they could agree on was Adele.

She had waited until Thursday to finally change her look and revert to her blond hair although instead of wearing the cheerios outfit or one of her sundresses or her usual black on black ensemble, she opts for jeans, a floral top and a sweater in pale blue. She can't help but smile at Rachel's double take and actually twirls around in front of the car before entering.

It's been so long since someone had looked at her with such devotion that she knows she's projecting . And she does not want to lead the brunette on but the smile Rachel sends her makes her heart flutter like it used to when someone she liked looked at her.

"You don't look like you but you look more like you than you've looked since summer." It's Rachel's convoluted way of saying that Quinn's looking better even if she always thought that Quinn looked beautiful regardless.

Quinn's eyebrow raise sends her giggling because in any previous encounter, it would be followed by words meant to hurt or a sneer solely pointed in her direction. But for the past week it's been followed by a slight quirk of Quinn's lips. There's never a full blown smile but just a slight twitch that somehow makes Rachel feel warm because she's made Quinn feel something against her own supposed good judgment.

"Well, I'm going to look a whole lot like me when I go for practice this afternoon so you shouldn't see that." She sees Rachel pale at her words and she knows exactly what's going through Rachel's mind. In the beginning, she really enjoyed the athletic side of the Cheerios not to mention the fact that it felt good to want to win and actually have the ability to do so. It was the first thing she ever did that allowed her to follow in Frannie's footsteps. She had convinced herself she had joined for different reasons but in the end, it just felt good to belong.

Quinn is truly terrified that by putting on the uniform, she's going to revert somewhat to her old self. She knows that she made a promise to the Berry men but also to herself. However, she's also cognizant that her promises haven't really meant a whole lot in the past few years.

"But you're not-" Rachel stops because she realizes that it's her most fervent wish that Quinn is truly a changed person but even now, there's this tiny part of her that's just waiting for a snide comment or something worse. It's not a Pavlovian response but close to it, each time she sees the uniform, and she knows seeing it on Quinn would make it all the more worse.

"You're more than just the uniform, it will never define you if you don't let it." She does not realize that she's reached out and is holding onto Quinn's hand until she feels Quinn give it a little squeeze. It's such a startling moment for her because it's genuine but somewhat so unreal that she has to look down at their linked hands just to convince herself that it's actually true.

Quinn finally breaks the moment as she exhales loudly and leans forward to switch on the radio, immediately rolling her eyes in jest when Katy Perry comes on and Rachel immediately goes into the chorus, belting out the lyrics as she drives them to school.

#$#$#$#$

She's been running around the track for the past forty minutes and Coach has yet to give her the nod to stop. The pain in her side has been joined by the strain in her calf muscles and back and her lungs are burning but not to the point that she's going to stop. She's as stubborn as Sue Sylvester is mean and Quinn knows that the only way she was going to survive this was to not give Coach the satisfaction of knowing that she was giving up.

There's a bottle of pills that Rachel's dad had given her a few days ago in her jacket. He had looked incredibly worried as he handed them over and had repeatedly glanced at Rachel as he walked her through the dosage regimen. She knows that he's trusting her against his own instincts and because Rachel had probably asked him to. Because of that, she hasn't had a pill since she got the bottle.

And it makes her feel like…well, it just makes her feel which is so different from really not feeling much at all. Quinn knew that practice today was going to be brutal. It wasn't just that gleam in Coach's eyes or the fact that Santana has that pinched look signifying she's both worried and pissed off.

"Fabray, get your ass off the track and go help Katie with the trampoline." It's such a relief to hear that but Quinn knows she can't show it on her face as she bends over to catch her breath before following Santana's instructions.

As soon as everything is set up, she's back to feeling like she's being targeted and it's obvious when Sue makes her perform repeated tucks and pikes and then asks her for an around the world. It's really beyond her to do one because she hasn't had practice in six months but she grits her teeth and gets into position. Only Brittany holds onto her forearm stopping her.

"Q, don't."

It's not like she has a choice really and she gives a tired smile to Brittany indicating that she won't quit. But Brittany was always the strongest amongst the three of them and she pulls on Quinn's hand when she sits on the ground, causing Quinn to follow suit.

It doesn't take more than five seconds for Santana to plunk herself unceremoniously down next to Quinn, their shoulders touching in her own show of solidarity. And Quinn is somewhat amazed at the fact that most of the other Cheerios join them on the grass, leaving Becky, Katie and Sue standing.

And it's only when Becky turns to look at her, giving her a wink and also finally sitting cross legged on the ground does she realize that all the assumptions she had made about them had been so very wrong.

"You're all a bunch of babies. You don't deserve to be in my presence. Hit the showers and Q, give me another two laps." Sue's unsurprised to see both Brittany and Santana join Quinn on the track.

Quinn tries her best to focus on placing one foot in front of the other, conscious that Coach Sylvester is still watching them slowly jog around the track. And only when she sees her disappear back into the building does she fully collapse onto the ground. Brittany's quick reflexes prevent her from falling face first.

"I've got you. It's ok. I've got you."

She's almost delirious and all she wants to say is  _'you've got me. Who's got you?'_ But then she hears Santana's voice and understands that Santana will always be there for Brittany and she's the only one who really didn't have anyone or didn't want to acknowledge the person she did have.

"You're such an idiot, you know that?" Santana directs her words at Quinn even as she exchanges a worried look with Britt. She knows that there is a possibility that Quinn is just out of shape but the way she seemed to favor one side over the other and her current state of collapse means that there is more to it than just not enough exercise.

She hears Quinn hiss when she lifts up the cheerio top and sees the white bandage on her side, already stained pink.

"Quinn?" Rachel had convinced herself that she just needed to wait for Quinn in the parking lot. Going anywhere near Cheerio practice was tantamount to pushing the boundaries of their new-found friendship and she didn't want to test the limits so early on. Only she had seen a number of Cheerios drive off and yet there had been no sign of Quinn.

She had to skirt around the bleachers because she didn't want to run into the Skanks and also take the long way around the school building so she wouldn't run into too many people. She had spied Quinn running around the track and had been worried enough by the way she had both Santana and Brittany running beside her more intent on looking at Quinn than watching where they were going.

But it was only when she saw Quinn collapse forward did she throw caution to the wind and sprint across the field. She meets Santana's gaze and can discern the unasked question she sees in them. It's not her story to tell though so she does not say anything except to call out to Quinn again as she kneels down beside the three sprawled Cheerios. "Quinn? Where's the pills?"

"What pills?" Santana's voice is razor sharp. "Don't mess with me Berry. What the hell happened and what pills does Q need?"

She ignores Santana and only when she sees Quinn's eyelids flutter does she look up. "Quinn's hurt and right now, you can waste your time threatening me or help me get Quinn to my house. My dad's a doctor.."

"So's mine." Santana shoots back only to stop short when she actually sees Rachel give her a look that's pretty fierce.

"He's Quinn's doctor."

She's told them enough and does not want to give anything else away as she bends forward to support Quinn, wondering if she could call Noah to help her here since there was no way she would be able to carry Quinn to her car.

She misses Santana's terse nod to Brittany but almost sighs out loud in relief when both of the Cheerios support Quinn's weight. "Just tell us where you parked your car."

#$#$#$#$

She refuses to answer any of Santana's questions even as the Latina's voice gets louder and more insistent, only stopping when Quinn's soft voice intervenes.

"Just back…off, S." Rachel finally meets hazel eyes via the rear view mirror and it's then that she realizes she hasn't been breathing normally since she saw Quinn collapse. It's been quick shallow breaths, filling her lungs partially before expelling the air, all the while trying to stay positive.

She sees Quinn arch her eyebrow, as if letting her know that she's not in the worst of shapes even if she can hardly speak and she's so pale that she could pass for albino, but it's enough of a message to Rachel as she finally focuses on the road and takes her first full breath.

Neither of her fathers are home and Santana again asserts that maybe it wasn't the best idea to go to Rachel's house. It's comes out more as cursing in Spanish before calling Rachel and her idea to drive over stupid and insulting her plaid skirt.

"S, just..leave."

Quinn again kind of comes to her defense and Rachel can't help the frisson of satisfaction at knowing that Quinn was actually thinking of her. She's saved from her own thoughts when she hears her daddy's car outside. She runs out to give him a heads up on the situation.

Rachel's surprised that neither Brittany nor Santana leaves despite Santana muttering under her breath about wasting her time and irritating divas that need a swift kick in the butt. She humorously tries to emulate Quinn with her eyebrow raise only she knows it's not as intimidating when she's wearing a smiley face on her sweater.

"She's sleeping now. I managed to get her to take a pill. She hasn't taken one for the past two days." Hiram had underestimated Quinn Fabray and he's pretty certain that the girl was going to be in more pain when she awoke considering the way her muscles were still tense when he examined her.

"Are you girls staying for dinner?" He's trying not to be surprised to find more cheerleaders in his house. At least they were being civil and not attacking Rachel and for that, Hiram is fine with offering them some dinner. "Your dad is working late on a case so it's just us sweetheart." He turns to his daughter but can see that her thoughts are elsewhere as she stares at the staircase.

"She'll be out for a few hours and then you can drive her home." He sees her nod at his words only to realize that Rachel probably wants to see that Quinn is fine with her own eyes. She seems to want some kind of permission as she looks longingly at the stairs. "You should maybe go up and see if she's still asleep and the girls and I can settle on which esteemed Lima establishment we should lend our patronage."

He hears the blonde cheerleader giggle and almost laughs at her words. "Hey San, he's like a male Berry. Do you think they're related or maybe everyone who comes here talks like that?"

#$#$#$#$#$

Quinn's back in their guest bedroom, though ever since Quinn had first occupied it, it immediately became known as Quinn's room in her head. She's thankfully asleep and Rachel knows that she should go downstairs and ensure that Santana wasn't trying to scam her daddy or tell him embarrassing stories about her.

However, it's difficult for her to move when she feels complete just standing here looking at Quinn. She resists the urge to sing but she knows that she does want to get a few things off her chest. Saying the words out loud, even if Quinn can't hear, may allow her to maybe move on eventually even though she knows she's falling more in love with Quinn the more time they spend together.

She's always known that Quinn could be loyal and funny and that she was smart but to be able to talk to her, joke around and build this friendship made her realize that it was impossible to separate her feeling of love from friendship even if she knew it was futile to think Quinn could ever offer more.

"Hi. I'm so glad you're asleep right now." Rachel feels a bit self conscious and her voice comes out in a hushed whisper really. "I love being your friend. I guess I need to say that first because I also love you." Those words are accompanied by a sigh.

"I know..I mean I  _really_  know that you don't love me back and I'm bordering on delusional for still having this tiny shred of hope." And she really does still have it despite her dads warnings and even Quinn's own confirmation that she could not be anything more than just a friend.

"Anyway, I guess I also need to acknowledge that I'm not in love with you because you're the prettiest girl I know or because you're a cheerleader or have a great alto voice. I fell in love with the girl who helped Mercedes with eating correctly and who blackmailed Sue into giving us a page in the yearbook. Yeah, Jacob told me what you did when Sue had to pull one of the Cheerio pictures." She had wanted to thank Quinn but never worked up the courage.

"I fell in love with the girl who convinced me that one of the most beautiful songs from Sondheim could be mashed up with TLC and who highlighted that everyone feels unpretty, even you. And it had nothing to do with my nose just my attitude. So, each day, I kind of love you more even if I know I shouldn't."

It's easier now to talk even if her voice is kept low. It's as if she has a reprieve to review everything in her heart and share it without repercussions or looks of pity at her naiveté. "I just wanted you to know that you're special and amazing and even if you don't see it, other people will…people you would want to fall in love with, people who would fall in love with you."

She has really just one more thing to say and she knows she's making her life just a tad more difficult by actually doing this. But in her mind, she hopes that this will be the turning point for her and she'll be able to let Quinn go from her heart. "I know I asked you not to kiss me again. And I meant it. I just...it...each time you kiss me, it just makes that little bit of hope, that tiny flame flicker back to life even though I know that it shouldn't."

She bends down, her lips as close to Quinn's face as possible without actually touching it. "Please just give me this one thing." With those words, her lips kiss the side of Quinn's mouth. It's chaste by any standards but it's really the meaning behind the kiss that matters. To Rachel, it symbolizes everything that she loves about Quinn, that one point of connection allowing her to show how much she feels for the blonde. And for the thirty seconds it lasts, she feels so connected to Quinn.

She turns to leave the room without a glance back and misses hazel eyes blinking open and the small frown that mars Quinn's otherwise smooth skin.

**End Part 12**


	13. Shiver

**Shiver**

_**Don't you shiver**_

_**Don't you shiver,**_

_**I'll sing it loud and clear**_

_**I'll always be waiting for you.**_

_**Yeah I'll always be waiting for you**_

_**Yeah I'll always be waiting for you**_

_**Yeah I'll always be waiting for you**_

_**For you, I will always be waiting**_

_**And it's you I see,**_

_**But you don't see me**_

_**And its you, I hear,**_

_**So loud and so clear**_

_**I sing it loud and clear**_

_**And I'll always be waiting for you**_

Rachel knew that it was only a matter of time before other people would notice Quinn and the changes that she had undergone since turning up on that first day in all her pink punked hair glory. She smiled more, only wore her Cheerios uniform for practice despite Sue Sylvester screaming at her in the halls to change. And she was stunning both without and within, which meant that what was going to happen that afternoon right outside the choir room was really to be expected.

Sam waits by the door, his mind focusing on the things that he was thankful for. Right now, the three top things on his list are Safeway for giving his dad a job, Mr. Schue for talking Principal Figgins into letting him transfer even before his dad started work and lastly he was thankful that Quinn seemed so much better than when he left.

"Hey Quinn, wait up." It's funny that Sam feels like he didn't really leave at the start of summer because everything still seemed to be the same except for Quinn. She looked beautiful like before, a bit more ethereal, but she didn't seem removed like she did most of Junior year.

He knows she's not dating anyone and is actually friends with Rachel Berry. That piece of news had been conveyed by Finn over subs and a Call of Duty marathon. Finn had spent most of the time perplexed by the relationship and had been convinced it was all an elaborate ploy by Quinn to humiliate or hurt Rachel.

So even if it seemed like nothing has changed, maybe a lot has like Mercedes moving on a week after he left or the fact that he's at least no longer homeless and back in Lima…and Quinn Fabray is again as beautiful and amazing as when he first saw her, year before last.

She turns to give him that half smile that makes his heart stutter. "Sam."

His name always sounds good falling from her lips. "It's good to see you back. How's Stevie and Stacy?" She places a hand on his forearm and he takes that as a good sign.

"They're good; they missed you. Maybe..Well-"

He's looking at any other place than at her because he knows that they've had this conversation before, back when she had no intention of cheating on him and he thought that all she needed was a stud on her arm.

"You look…" He trails off when he sees that arched eyebrow. Only it's not accompanied by a smirk but by a soft smile like she gets what he's trying to tell her.

"Spit it out Sam." She has an inking as to what he's going to ask her and it's cute and it makes her feel young and shy and innocent even if she knows that it's only fleeting because it's difficult to get back what she had lost. Her smile widens when she sees him blush only to meet Rachel's gaze as she stands a few feet behind Sam.

"Will you go out with me?"

Seeing Rachel's face almost crumple before she takes a breath and looks away has quite a profound effect on Quinn. The past month of driving to school together, having a few lunches and movie nights, singing in Glee and just building this friendship had been surreal. Yet, it quickly became an integral part of her life, something she completely looked forward to.

Rachel never pushed and even kept her hands always in her pockets or glued to her sides and Quinn was the one who would reach out to touch her as she made a point about a song or a scene in a movie or to just ask how the salad was that day.

If anything, Rachel kept this distance between them like she was cocooning herself. And Quinn was the one who had to traverse that distance on a number of occasions There were touches here and there when she was trying to make a point, a hug once when Quinn had fought with Russell and tried her best to hold back her tears as she recalled his hateful words about her faults both real and perceived.

And there was one moment when she had looked into Rachel's eyes as they were sprawled on the couch in the basement, watching some National Geographic special. It felt like time had stopped and all she could focus on was the irises in Rachel's impossibly brown eyes and how she felt this pull, this clear realization that she could want…more. And that feeling was bracing and scary and maybe wrong but it had felt so strong. And all she really had to do was to just give in and lean forward.

And then time suddenly started back up again and Rachel jerked forward, grabbing the two glasses of juice on the table, mumbling about a refill. The brunette's hands were shaking and all Quinn could recall then was Rachel asking her not to kiss her again.

They're not dating. They're really not; even if they spend Friday nights together and Quinn expects Rachel to call her Sunday evening. Or they have a standing lunch appointment every Wednesday and Rachel waits in her car every Thursday for Cheerio practice to end before giving Quinn an ice pack and a granola bar and then driving her home.

They are not dating because she does not like Rachel that way even if she knows that Rachel likes her in all the ways possible. It's not something she could even contemplate because it wouldn't be right even if she likes spending time with Rachel, likes hearing her sing every morning in the car and can't help but reach out to touch her just to make sure that she's there and okay. She just can't admit that being with Rachel made her feel safe and happy.

All those reactions are part of building a friendship with Rachel, nothing more. They are absolutely, most definitely not dating even if they are in every way except by her acknowledgment. It's then that her usual fear takes over and even as Rachel turns back to meet her gaze. She can't mistake the love she sees reflected back.

"I'll go out with you." She's still looking at Rachel even if her words are directed at Sam.

"That's so cool." Sam's oblivious as always.

She ignores that prick in her heart. It's not something she can do anything about anyway. She sees Rachel blinking rapidly before the petite brunette slips into the choir room, the sound of the door closing coinciding with the way her heart feels like it's going to shatter.

_#$#$#$#$_

Rachel knows every conceivable breathing exercise she needs to do in order to expand her diaphragm, project her voice or even sing at a different pitch. She's been cycling through them just to see which would assist her in holding back her tears. She really hates crying especially over something that she's known would occur for quite some time.

So she swipes at her eyes before Noah can see them and takes her seat next to him. His back is to her as he continues to talk to Finn, regaling him with the story of one of his Killzone games. It gives her just the right amount of time to compose herself when he finally turns to her.

"Sup, Rach?"

The smile she gives him is one of her best ones or so she thinks. Only he can tell as his brow furrows and he leans in, "What's wrong?" His eyes flick up when he sees Quinn enter followed closely by Sam as he bounds into the room, striding in front of Quinn and sitting in the front row before gesturing to her to follow suit.

He sees Quinn's eyes wander only to settle on the girl next to him and he sighs when he sees Rachel look down at her wringing hands. "I thought things were good between the two of you."

Quinn ignores his hard stare and looks at Rachel for a few seconds longer before settling down next to Sam.

"They are." And Rachel knows that it's the truth. They've really managed to build this friendship. It's been amazing to note how well they could get along, talking about books they've read or should read. She's starting on  _A Hundred Years of Solitude_  and Quinn agreed to read  _A Room with a View_.

And they even managed another duet together last week, the song chosen by Quinn and actually by Kelly Clarkson which had been a concession to Rachel. Spending so much time together that her dads assumed Quinn would stay for dinner every time she came over or for breakfast each time she picked Rachel up. Her daddy even bought more bacon because there were two mouths to feed now.

"He asked her out?" He had heard Sam talking to Finn in the locker room yesterday; trying to confirm that Quinn was still single. Finn had shrugged and Puck had been tempted to say no. It would be believable, except Rachel would go out of her way to tell him that Quinn was just her friend. She wouldn't emphasize the word even if she would proceed to chew on her lower lip and not meet his eyes because she just could not lie to him outright even if all she was doing was lying to herself.

"Yes." She's staring straight ahead even as Quinn glances back, trying to catch her eye. "Quinn's not dating anyone."  _I'm nobody_  "and even right until he left, she had helped with Stevie and Stacy. So why shouldn't Sam ask her out?"

"You're kidding me, right? Rach, tell me you're actually kidding."

She can hear the incredulity in his voice and instead of giving him her usual non answer, she actually feels angry and whips her face to look at him. Her words come out in a low urgent hiss.

"Yes, Noah, I like to joke about how I'm rooting for Quinn and Sam to get back together. You told me to face reality. Maybe…maybe that's what I'm trying to do"

Her voice loses steam at the end as she finally meets Quinn's eyes and she hates that she's still so damn affected even by that one look. She can actually tell that Quinn's asking for permission to do this. And Rachel wants to be selfish. She wants to keep their status quo, a budding friendship that could bloom into something more, into something almost magical if only Quinn just allowed it to.

But she loves Quinn, actually loves her more that she loves her own happiness or sense of self preservation. So instead of shaking her head, she nods and smiles. She gives a clear indication to Quinn that she's really ok with the way things have progressed. She's accepting that all she'll get is friendship from the blonde even if she knows that what she can give to her is so infinitely precious.

Rachel will not stand in the way of what Quinn wants for herself. If dating Sam would make her happy and would result in her smiling like before, then she would swallow her own pain and ensure that Quinn would at least get her happiness.

Mr. Schue enters and her hand shoots up. He lets out a small sigh but still smiles in her direction and she launches into her speech, asserting that the next song should be a duet to welcome Sam back. And since he and Quinn did such a great job at Sectionals last year, it was only right that they should sing together.

When she glances back at Quinn, she cannot read the expression on the blonde's face. And she does not break her gaze because as much as she wants to make Quinn happy by accepting that friendship was all Quinn was offering, she knows that she really has it in her to be so much more. And she knows that all her feelings, everything she knows she can be for Quinn, is poured into that look.

And that tiny wisp of hope, that almost infinitesimal expectation, that maybe Quinn is slowly beginning to understand and even possibly accept that she may actually be a viable alternative to Sam flickers back to life. Because Quinn does not look away despite Sam's hand on her forearm and Mr. Schue asking for her song suggestions.

#$#$#$#$#$

By the time Glee is over, Rachel's got most of her emotions held tightly on a leash and crammed into a tiny box inside her such that she manages a bright smile for Quinn as she waits for her by the door. Most of the club has left, leaving Santana, Puck, Quinn and Sam.

She sees Sam whispering in the blonde's ear while reaching out for her binder to scribble something in it. It's probably his address and Rachel's smile falters a bit before she catches herself. She holds her smile even as Sam rushes past her and Quinn walks up to her.

"Ready?" She turns towards the exit before Quinn can answer and strides forward, needing to get out of the building before she feels the walls closing in and she has to accept that this is the beginning of the end for her and Quinn.

"Rach, wait up."

She hopes Quinn does not reach out to touch her and because of that fear, she stops and twirls around, the stupid fake smile still plastered on her face. "We should get you home."

_So you can get ready for your date with Sam._

The words are unspoken but the way she holds herself and her entire demeanor just projects how much doing this is hurting her such that Quinn stops short.

"Rachel, are you ok?"

And she actually laughs at that, a strangled sound escaping her lips, because even if she wasn't ok with any of it, even if she hated every second of it, she really didn't have a choice in the matter. Quinn had made it absolutely clear that all she could offer was friendship and even it was so far from ok and every encounter just hammered that point home such that her heart was battered and bruised, and she's almost sure that if she ever loved again, she'd never be able to do so fully not because she didn't want to but because the pieces of her heart have been chipped off with every second spent with Quinn.

"I'm fine. Do you want a ride or not?"

And Quinn just does not get it as she reaches out and touches Rachel on her arm. And that point of contact freezes and burns and it's the catalyst for the total self destruction of that box that she's been keeping tightly shut. Every inkling, feeling, hope and fear of Quinn and for Quinn comes crashing over her.

It's a tidal wave of  _want_  and  _need_  and  _must not_  and  _cannot_  and  _please, god let her see_  tangled with  _I love you_ and  _please just give me a chance_ wrapped up with a bow of  _why can't you see that you want this too._

That last thought spurring her forward as she pulls Quinn in, their lips crashing together. It's sudden and more intuitive than not as she feels Quinn's tongue push in.

And Rachel knows it's only a matter of time as she counts in her head-  _Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one_  and it happens as Quinn pushes her back before rushing around her to get to the exit. The sound of a sob escaping from her that cuts Rachel to the bone.

She stands there dazed and all she sees is Mr. Schue's wide eyes and Santana's smirk before Puck pulls on her hand and drags her away. She's in shock; not because now Mr. Schue and god forbid Santana, the biggest gossip outside of Mercedes had seen her. She's in shock because Quinn had kissed her back with the same intensity she had initiated the kiss with.

Quinn only wanted to be her friend but she could kiss her like she wanted to be more. The problem though was Rachel just didn't know what to do with that piece of knowledge.

"Ok, so firstly…man, that was hot!"

"Noah!" She does not have the energy to get too angry although she does swipe at his arm.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Rach. Secondly, what the hell?" He's trying his best not to panic but he really can't come up with any cover story that would explain why Rachel Berry would kiss Quinn Fabray right in the middle of the McKinley hallway in full view of Mr. Schue and Santana Lopez.

"I could tell her that maybe I asked you to, you know for my..umm..well umm…" He sees Rachel's eyebrows rise and he just cannot finish that sentence and goes to his next thought. "Or…or you know maybe she didn't see anything."

"Yeah, we all know that didn't happen and right now I'm trying to figure out how I can bleach out my optic nerves without actually going blind because that is definitely the only way I'm going to be able to forget the fact that Berry here just kissed Q." Santana's baseline level of emotion was pegged at pissed. It wasn't that she wanted to feel angry all the time but there really was no other choice.

She knew, really absolutely knew, who she was and whom she wanted to be with. But she just never could show it. Something always seemed to be holding her back. She knows that it'll be different when she leaves and hopefully convinces Brittany to go with her. Getting out of Lima would be a start for the both of them. All she needs to do was to survive senior year and then she knows it'll get better.

She's had that target in her head ever since she came out to Brittany. Except, seeing Rachel freaking Berry take that chance, throwing caution to the wind and just going for it…it was the stupidest thing she'd ever witness but also the bravest.

"Get lost Puck. I need to talk to Berry." She's unsurprised to see Puck actually ignore her words as he stands next to Rachel, his body placed between the petite brunette and her. "Relax, I'm…I just want to talk." She directs her words at Rachel, her tone part hopeful but still part challenging.

Rachel knows about Santana and had even thought about talking to the Latina at the start of summer. She knows that their stories are not completely alike but have enough similarities to maybe let her feel that she wasn't alone in feeling this way. But she never could work up the courage to make that call. Instead she settled for Finn and coming out to Puck.

She leans into Puck, "I'll be fine. I'll call you tonight." She can see him debating with himself. "At least she's talking to me and not telling the whole school right now."

Puck glances at Santana, his eyes narrowing as he clenches his jaw. The look he's giving her shows his displeasure although the Latina just shrugs and takes her time speaking as she stares at her nails..

"I'm not going to hurt her, Puckerman."

"Better not."

Rachel watches his back as he walks away before finally turning to Santana. "I guess now you know." She expects Santana to laugh or roll her eyes. What she does not expect to hear are her next words.

"About fucking time."

**End Part 13**


	14. The Scientist

**The Scientist**

_**Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry  
You don't know how lovely you are**_

_**I had to find you**_  
 _ **Tell you I need you**_  
 _ **Tell you I set you apart**_

_**Tell me your secrets**_  
 _ **And ask me your questions**_  
 _ **Oh, lets go back to the start**_

Rachel needs to know exactly what Santana means although she cannot bring herself to have that conversation on school grounds. They've never been equals there, in the sense of high school hierarchy, so it made sense in her head that she could only discuss opening herself up further on more neutral ground.

It's half an hour later and they're at a table at the back of the Lima Bean. There's a soy latte in front of Rachel and a tall black, extra hot coffee in front of Santana. Rachel could draw so many parallels to their drink choices but chooses to remain silent as she stares out the window, waiting for Santana to shoot her first volley.

"So you're worshiping at the temple of Fabray?" Santana smirks as she takes a sip of the coffee, the curling heat off the cup adding to her devilish look that is completely wasted on the brunette who has so far refused to look at her.

Rachel still continues to stare outside and is at least glad that it's not the crudest thing Santana could say. But it was difficult for her to admit to Santana about her feelings for Quinn. She knows how stupid she is to have them and she just does not need to be told so by the Latina.

"So, I'm assuming from the way she ran out, you haven't hit that fine ass?"

Santana's getting closer to rattling her but she does not change her expression when she finally turns to face her. She sees Santana's eyebrows raised as if waiting for her response. And Rachel just does not know what to say to that. Whether it would be correct and appropriate to commiserate with Santana's view that yes, Quinn had a mighty fine ass or to feign outrage at the mere thought that Santana could be so crude.

Though, if she were a betting person, she would have thought that the first thing Santana would have done with this piece of news was to put it on tumblr, twitter and tell Jacob instead of sitting across from her having coffee. So Rachel takes a chance because there really was no other choice for her.

"No. And we're just friends and maybe not even that anymore, so please try not to be so crude." Rachel sighs at the end of the sentence.

"Yeah, sure Berry. Right. Like Britt and I were just friends for the past two years" Santana actually air quotes the word friends even as her tone highlights how ridiculous Rachel sounds. "Although, I have to give you some credit-" Her expression morphs into something akin to approval. "I wouldn't have had the balls to kiss Brittany in the school hallway like that." She fans herself, "That was hot!" not knowing she was also reiterating Puck's earlier words.

Her emotions are all pinging around in her anyway, let loosed from their bindings such that Rachel still feels completely unsettled. "And I guess it's something that I'll always regret for the rest of my life." There was no way that Quinn would forgive her for doing that. Her only saving grace was that Sam hadn't been there to witness the kiss and if she could get Santana to perhaps not talk about it, then maybe Quinn would be okay even if they never interacted again for the rest of the school year or for the rest of their lives. It hurts to think like that even though it's such a stark possibility.

And the look Santana gives her surprises the hell out of her as does the fact that the Latina's hand is placed on top of hers and her voice is bordering on actually giving a damn.

"Maybe not. Q's always been this messed up person, you know. All perfect on the outside and this seething mess underneath. It was easy to hide because no one took the time to-" Santana's voice trails off because she could very well be talking about herself. To be honest, she's still not totally sure why she feels compelled to do this.

Making Berry a target would be so easy and it would get it off her own back. But that just didn't sit right with her. She's never considered Rachel a friend. They were Glee teammates whatever that meant. And her default tended to be throwing anyone except Brittany to the wolves. However, see can see so many damn similarities between Quinn and Rachel and herself and Britt such that it gives her a headache.

So she goes with her first instinct of seeing what exactly was going on and maybe helping a bit. Not exposing herself or Brittany in any way but maybe helping Quinn see that she truly did have choices despite thinking that she didn't.

"She's been through her version of hell. I mean she's probably still going through it." Her voice loses its edge as she acknowledges Quinn's issues and Santana's unsurprised to see tears in Rachel's eyes. "Quinn's stubborn and borderline stupid when it comes to admitting her feelings. The only way we can interact is if we're competing with each other or fighting."

It's not something she's proud of and her baby steps with Brittany, like actually going out to Breadstix without a beard and holding hands under the napkin was still eons ahead of her relationship with Quinn. They just couldn't talk about their fears or wants even if they recognized the same traits in each other. "She needs help. I can't….She needs you."

Everything Rachel has been holding back comes to the forefront once again as she accepts that she would be great for Quinn but she wasted that chance by kissing the blonde. Even if Quinn needs her, it was obvious that she wouldn't admit to it, not after that kiss. Rachel feels her tears leak out as she grieves over what she knows she has lost.

Santana doesn't do tears well. She feels her skin begin to crawl and a low stream of Spanish curse words are expelled with her breath. She looks around, at anything and everything except at Rachel. But she still hears the girl though, as Rachel desperately tries to hold back her sobs. It's fucking heartbreaking and it sounds like Berry's lost everything from her familial support system to her cats, if she actually had any.

"Ssoorry." Rachel scrubs at her face, not wanting to draw attention to them and knowing that she was making Santana exceedingly nervous and a nervous Santana was liable to lash out.

"Damn it." Those words are said with a hint of resignation and a whole lot of exasperation as Santana finally reaches out and pulls Rachel into a hug.

She feels the arms encircle her and it's different from the one hug she had with Quinn. They're not really the same height but have a similar build. However, Santana's not Quinn even if this hug does mean something to her. If Santana could actually reach out like this then maybe, just maybe, Quinn could as well.

"Do you think she'll ever?-" She wants so desperately to believe but Rachel just cannot articulate it because she knows that Quinn is not Santana.

It's slightly surprising to Santana that she knows exactly what Rachel is alluding to. In her case, it had been her fervent wish for Brittany to just accept what little she could give, at least until she realized that Britt was special enough to take the chance and ignore the gnawing fear of exposure and ridicule.

She always thought Quinn was braver than she was up until she noticed how she didn't seem so present after giving Beth up. It was as if she was pretending to be the Quinn of old, trying to recapture something that she no longer had. Rejoining Cheerios, stealing Finn was all so freshman year redux even if her entire heart wasn't in it. Breaking down in front of them in New York should have been a big fucking clue considering Quinn hated to show emotions unless it was disdain.

But Santana had been dealing with her own issues then and when Quinn dropped off the map during summer, she didn't think much of it. And maybe it wasn't too late now to try and help.

"No." she sees Rachel's face fall at her words, a look of utter sadness taking over. "Not unless you make her see that you're...that being with you is ok."

"How?"

"Stop yourself from macking on her would be a good start." Santana rolls her eyes and smiles as she hears Rachel's head thunk forward onto the table. "She liked it, Berry. Believe me, I can tell." She's been privy to most of Quinn's different reactions and had been on the receiving end of a few of her kisses but Quinn had always held herself back during those sessions. She definitely didn't with Rachel.

"You just have to keep being her friend. Believe me, you're doing a hell of a better job than I ever did." There's regret lacing her voice. "She's going to be hard headed and difficult."

"I know." Rachel realizes what she has to do. She's going to be there for Quinn, she needed to be her friend because Quinn really did need that. And she loved the blonde enough to understand that it was the only way.

#$#$#$#$#

Quinn realizes exactly where's she's going three quarters of the way through the journey as she notes the street she's on. Rachel's house is four blocks over. When she ran out of the school, the only thought in her mind was to get to somewhere safe and comfortable. To find someone she trusted to maybe help her.

Instinctively going to Rachel's was a big tell but it also highlighted that things between them were complicated as hell. She needed a friend. Someone she could talk through her feelings with. Someone who could listen to her and explain why she felt so good when Rachel had kissed her only to be overwhelmed with feelings of fear and loathing at her reaction to the kiss.

She wanted friend Rachel even if she craved Rachel on a whole different level and that was the crux of her situation. She could only really accept friend Rachel right now. And she really needed her as well.

Quinn swipes at her eyes and turns around, her steps more tentative than before as she heads home. It's such a stark contrast for her, her heart heavy and her mood so different from this morning when she had been laughing with Rachel in her car.

She knows she has a few hours before she picked Sam up and it gives her enough time to think and plan out her next steps. It's really a scary step for her to take, to want to balance her fear which she knows will not go away with her need to have Rachel as her friend.

The seed of an idea forming in her mind and all she needs is Sam's agreement. She takes out her phone and dials a number, her bottom lip caught in her teeth as she waits for it to connect.

"Quinn" She can tell that Sam's smiling and it comforts her to know that he's managed to forgive her for her transgressions last year. She never really got to apologize to him but spending time with his siblings and mom had meant a lot to him. So when she did try and apologize before he left, Sam had shrugged it off. Telling her that all he really wanted was for her to be happy and see her smile.

He had asked her to promise him that she would try and do that and if she couldn't to give him a call. And she had been so tempted only she never did. Not because she thought he wouldn't help her but more because she just couldn't see how he could help then. But right now, he could definitely help her.

"Hey Sam. Would you mind…I was wondering if you would mind a change in plans for tonight?'

"You're not cancelling on me, right?"

"No, I just think that maybe we could go somewhere else besides Breadstix's."

"It worked for our first date." He's flirting with her and all she can think of is the fact that Rachel had tricked her into singing with Sam that first time and then sang that stupid song with Finn before voting for her and Sam in the end, allowing them to win.

And what she finally gets out of this conversation is that she does not want to go on a date with Sam and what she truly wants or to be absolutely honest, what she needs is Rachel back in her life.

#$#$#$#$

Rachel is utterly exhausted. He head hurts as much as her heart does and it has nothing to do with the Calculus homework she has before her and everything to do with the list she's currently compiling in her head. Right now, she's up to thirty five reasons as to why Quinn needed her as a friend. She's almost sure  _'I sing Katy Perry better than Blaine does'_  actually matters to Quinn.

"Sweetheart, where's Quinn?"

Rachel tells herself she's not going to cry and she almost succeeds until her daddy sits across from her and notices her stricken expression.

"Ah, hell…what happened now? Did she say something, did she? …Rachel, this is just…what did she do?" Hiram takes off his glasses and wipes them, the motion normally a calming one for him but this time, it's also helping that he can't see the sadness on his daughter's face as clearly as before.

"Nothing, daddy. It's not Quinn, she's been…She didn't do anything. I..It was me. I made her cry today." She sees her daddy's eyes widen before he puts on his glasses and stares at her uncomprehendingly.

"You made her cry?" The words strung together did not make sense even as he sees his daughter nod at them. "But...how….why?"

"I kissed her." Rachel's hand goes to her lips, the sense memory of Quinn responding back was still so strong. In any other circumstance, her daddy's reaction would have elicited a laugh from her as she sees his eyes almost pop out and his mouth hang open.

"You…kissed Quinn." He stares at her, trying to see if she's hurt or worse but all he sees is his little girl, eyes brimming with tears because she made Quinn Fabray cry. It's not something he thought he would be dealing with when she had come out to them. He expected her tears for completely other reasons.

"How was it?" He's not sure of what to say really and the words just pop out and he can't take them back as he hold his breath, hoping that his daughter does not burst into tears. Only he sees her smile shyly.

"She kissed me back until…until she realized where we were and who she was kissing. She's going out with Sam tonight."

"Because you kissed her?" He's back to being confused.

"No, she said yes before I kissed her. I kissed her because she said yes. It's complicated." She sighs and finally blinks away her tears, realizing that she's really done with feeling sorry for herself here. She was the one who had created the situation and therefore she needed to fix it.

"Love always is." Hiram goes to her and kisses her on her crown, "And I am conscious that I may be encouraging you on by saying this but if she kissed you back then maybe that has to mean something too." He's still worried about her although the fact that she's not really crying and actually did something bold for herself. And even if it didn't work out, she wasn't actually crying about it, at least not yet.

"I won't hold my breath, don't worry." She smiles up at him. When she was younger, it had been one of her more trying characteristics to hold her breath until she got her way with her daddy. After nearly passing out a few times, she had wisely moved on to the more stately but just as grand gesture of stomping out of the room.

She sees the same smile on his face as he remembers those times as well, where things were a bit simpler for the both of them. But Rachel knows that she's actually been relatively happy the past few weeks. Getting to know Quinn, spending time together and building a friendship was worth it and she didn't want to give that up.

She hears the door bell chime and for a split second, hopes that it's Quinn even though she knows that the girl was probably on her date with Sam by now. She's never going to not think of Quinn but at least she's finally decided that if friendship was the only thing she could get, then it was something she could live with.

"Just a minute." She hears her daddy call out and gets back to focusing on her calculus homework.

"Rachel!" Two small blonde children rush in, their arms encircling Rachel's neck even as she turns around in surprise to see a confused but sheepish Sam and 'avoidance' Quinn standing by the front door. Quinn's eyes are darting about, looking at anything that wasn't her.

"Umm, hi?" Rachel's voice ends in a question as she looks at Quinn who is still not looking at her.

"Hey Rachel." Sam's still not a hundred per cent sure why they're here. He's heard the official version from Quinn, oh maybe eight times. However, he still does not fully grasp the true reason because all he can get out of Quinn is that she's been spending time at Rachel's and she needs to be there tonight.

"Hi Sam. Hey guys." Rachel hugs Stevie and Stacy before, finally catching Quinn's eyes. "What are you guys doing here?" The question is as directed as she can make it and she holds her breath as she sees Quinn take hers.

Quinn breathes in and opens her mouth, the words on the tip of her tongue but she just cannot get any of them out. She furrows her eyebrows as lines appear on her forehead but still, there's this barrier within her, stopping her from trying to make things right with Rachel. It's this ball of fear and pride and stupidity all rolled together and lodged firmly within her.

She sees Sam staring at her and then looking at Rachel who's now standing up, her arms still around Stacy and Stevie but her focus solely on Quinn.

"What the heck is going on?" Sam shakes his head as he turns to look at Quinn.

"Sam, is it?" Hiram finally steps in, "I'm Rachel's father, well one of them." He puts out his hand to the dazed looking boy. "I think the two girls have something to discuss. Why don't you and your…brother and sister come with me." He walks toward the kitchen, steering Sam along.

"I'm sure we'll find something to drink and I think Rachel's other dad baked some of his famous cookies as well."

Quinn blinks a few times as she continues to stare at Rachel from across the room; the distance between them seemingly further than she'd like even though all she has to do is take a few steps forward.

Rachel holds herself back, not because she's protecting her heart but she can read Quinn and knows that the blonde wants to make this move and just needs time to either process it in her head or just accept it. Either way, it was not her move to make so she stands there, a tremulous smile on her face because Quinn was here and that did count for something.

Quinn realizes that it's not like she's here to declare her love or anything so this one concession on her part really wasn't really a big step. It's with that thought that she manages to finally get her words out. "I wanted to come over after Glee. I was about four blocks away before I realized where I was headed. I wanted so much to talk to you. I needed…you."

Rachel keeps silent as she processes Quinn's words.

"We're friends, Rachel." The first time Quinn had said those words, there was some trepidation in her voice as she made that statement in Rachel's back yard. This time there is a certainty to it, clear and direct. Even as she tamps down on the fact that what she truly wants is to just step forward and engulf Rachel in a hug, to ensure that the brunette was there and okay with all of this. "I need…"  _you._ "I need a friend."

It's the widest definition of friendship she has but it's the extent of what she can process right now. Any other definition would trigger her fears and maybe someday, that would change but right now, she just hopes Rachel understands what she's so desperately trying to say.

She doesn't need to think about any of it even though in the back of her mind Rachel knows she's the one who could get hurt so much more. "We are friends." Rachel echoes her words as her smile blossoms as does Quinn's finally. It's difficult not to acknowledge that what she truly wants is to kiss her friend senseless but Rachel understands that it's just something she would have to live with and not act on again.

**End Part 14**


	15. Careful Where You Stand

**Careful Where You Stand**

_**I feel safe, I feel warm when you're here**_

_**Then I do no wrong**_

_**I am cured, when I'm by your side**_

_**I'm alright, alright**_

Sam realized that things had truly changed halfway through his phone conversation with Quinn a few hours ago. It wasn't one particular thing but a combination thereof that kind of showed that even if Quinn had said yes, it wasn't him she had said yes to. Maybe it was wanting to see Stevie and Stacy or maybe it was to welcome him back. However any dream he had of rekindling their romance was completely extinguished when Quinn had outright told him that she wasn't looking for a relationship but she could use another friend.

And even if he was thinking of something more, he knew that friendship would always be the start of that something so he agreed without a second thought. However, the past half an hour has provided him with so much context that even if he was as dumb as everyone thought he was, there was no way he could miss that Rachel and Quinn had something between them.

"So, son…you're dating Quinn?" Hiram's not sure if he should be as direct as he is but it's not like he actually knows what else to say or ask. And the look Sam gives him at least proves that the boy was not as dim as he made himself out to be.

"No, sir. We're friends. I thought we could be more up until say…when we got to your house." Sam nods when Stevie asks if he can have another cookie before turning to Rachel's dad. "Is Rachel dating Quinn?"

Hiram shakes his head, "No. They're friends too. Although…maybe they could be more." He smiles at Sam when he sees the boy nod at his words.

"These are good cookies." There really wasn't much more to add. He's pretty sure that when he left, Rachel and Quinn weren't gay and the only thing they had in common was that they both dated Finn and were in Glee. Given that there were as many straight people in Glee as there were current gay people, maybe Finn was the trigger.

It's not that he doesn't like Finn but the guy always seemed to have the best of everything just handed to him on a platter and to suddenly realize two of his ex-girlfriends liked each other was going to be a blow. Even better was the fact that he actually also slept with Santana.

"We're going to go. Could you maybe tell Quinn?" He gestures to Stevie and Stacy.

"Please stay." Rachel's clear voice is pleading as she stands next to Quinn at the kitchen door. She feels Quinn's hand brush against hers and at first thinks it's just coincidence.

"We could watch a movie and have pizza. I haven't seen you guys in months. Please?" Only she feels it again and realizes that it's Quinn's way of maybe being with her. It feels like hiding but to Quinn, it was probably all she could manage.

Rachel glances at her daddy and knows exactly what he would think of all of this. However, it is her choice to make and Quinn was still her friend above all else. Even if she wanted more, she would settle for exactly what Quinn could give her, even if it was just a casual brush of hands.

"Umm, sure?" Sam looks at Quinn who's looking at him with pleading eyes. It's disconcerting as heck for him to acquiesce without knowing the whole story but he can see Rachel's wide eyed stare as well, so he nods.

The evening actually does take off from there with Puck dropping by as soon as he heard that there was a pie Leroy had made a few days earlier for dessert. They're all sprawled on and around the couch in the basement, watching  _Hairspray_.

Puck glances at Sam whose concentration is split between the screen and surreptitiously looking at Quinn who is at this time furtively glancing at Rachel. It would be funny if he didn't notice Rachel's slightly forlorn look. She's sitting on the couch above him and just to his right. He knows it's not the songs because he can hear her singing under her breath. He's almost sure it's because it's Sam and not Quinn is sitting next to her and Quinn is on the floor at Sam's feet.

"I'm going to get some beer."

He smiles when she swats at him, not even voicing her displeasure but just rolling her eyes. "Sam, you want to come and grab something?" He looks pointedly at Sam who actually looks reluctantly back. But Puck does not let up as he kicks at Sam's shins until he relents.

"Come on, man. What was that all about?" At least Sam has the decency to question him when they're both in the kitchen and Puck's actually drinking one of Leroy's beers. He knows he'll have to replace it later but he is definitely not going to have this conversation sober. He actually chugs the whole bottle before wiping his mouth and staring intently at Sam.

"You can't go out with Quinn." Puck eyes Sam, his words measured although his stance is somewhat antagonistic as is Sam's own, both squaring off on opposite sides of the kitchen.

"Says who?" It's a childish schoolyard response but Sam is really beginning to hate feeling like he's not been given the script to this particular play. Ever since Quinn's call, he's known that things really, truly, completely have changed and if he didn't know better, he may have very well thought he stepped into an alternate reality where Quinn and Rachel were almost an item and Puck actually gave a damn.

"You didn't care what happened to her the whole of last year. You left her." Sam's voice is challenging as he crosses his arms and stares at Puck.

"So did you." Puck does not want this to escalate into a fight because he was liable to get himself kicked out of Rachel's house not by her dad but by Rachel. And he was also cognizant that Sam was right in that he knew Quinn was losing herself bit by bit but he chose not to do anything about it until he saw that the Quinn he remembered had all but disappeared. "Damn it. I don't…you're right. I wasn't there for her." He glances at the door, wondering if Quinn was finally talking to Rachel or vice versa.

"Rachel's the only one who's always noticed though." He sees some realization in Sam's eyes although he also sees surprise there. "Dude, just go with it." Puck blows out a breath and shrugs his shoulders, wondering if he could get away with taking another bottle of beer.

"So what, they're a couple now?" At least there's only a tiny bit of incredulity coloring his voice with a whole lot of confusion. And Puck actually wonders if Sam's eyes can get as wide as his mouth.

"They're friends. Quinn needs all the friends she can get and she needs Rachel." He wants to tell Sam more although it's really not his story to tell and he had a feeling that Sam's really not ready to accept that Rachel is a much better alternative for Quinn than he could be.

"I think you have good intentions and being Finn's wingman, you think you're looking out for Rachel and all. And I don't care if you believe me or not but I do care for Quinn and I do want what's best for her." And in his mind, he could be good for her if she gave him the chance.

"Rachel's good for her." Puck says and doesn't wait for Sam's reply as he turns to go back to the basement. He had needed time to accept what Rachel had told him and even now, he's only maybe about ninety eight per cent on board. So he figures Sam needs more time and him yelling at the guy wasn't going to change his mind. At least the exchange has not gone to waste as he sees Quinn now sitting next to Rachel on the couch.

It's only an hour later that Puck and Sam carry a sleeping Stevie and Stacy to Quinn's car. She's at the wheel but the engine does not turn over and in the end, Rachel volunteers to drive Quinn home. She volunteers to drive Sam as well but they live in opposite direction s and Puck finally realized it was two blocks over from him so he ended up agreeing to drive them home.

#$#$#$#$#

Rachel's finally comfortable with the silence that she shares with Quinn. Initially during their car rides, she'd start singing in her head and eventually out loud in order to stop herself from saying something inappropriate to Quinn or to just make the entire situation perhaps slightly less uncomfortable than a trip to the dentist who wasn't Dr Carl.

Only it really got better with time and now when she sang out loud, it wasn't to cover the uncomfortable silence but to share her voice and her dream with Quinn. Rachel sang because it conveyed her feelings in a way her words never could. And even though she knows that they were just friends, the ability to sing to Quinn as her private audience always made her feel like she was connecting with the girl. It made it seem like Quinn was truly listening to her, beyond the sappy lyrics and maudlin sentiments and hearing her soul.

Quinn wonders if Rachel would read too much into her request if she asks the girl to sing. She used to crave the silence but with Rachel, she seems to crave hearing the girl's voice. But she just can't get the words out. Instead, she reaches out to switch on the CD player, knowing there was always a disc in it, before glancing at Rachel, her eyes pleading with her to understand.

And Rachel does as she softly begins to sing along to the one song from  _Wicked_  that she hasn't as yet covered with Kurt not because he hasn't asked but because she had always wanted to sing it with Quinn. The second verse of 'As Long as you're Mine' starts and she sings the words softly, knowing that Quinn is listening to her.

She turns into Quinn's street as she finishes Fiyero's verse, knowing that the words were more than apt for her current situation.

"Thanks." It's the smile Quinn gives her that accompanies the word that makes all of it worthwhile.

"Anytime." Rachel ducks her head, a small smile on her lips as she feels her cheeks redden. It's these little encounters that give her hope and make her feel like Quinn is really changing. It's such a slow process, like how each grain of sand slowly smooths out large rocks over time, but each encounter allows her to envision Quinn allowing her in just a tiny bit more than before.

She's always been used to grand gestures and big overtures, serenades in public and promises out loud, declarations of love written in cursive on thick cut paper and slotted through the eaves of her locker and pledges of affection made out loud regardless of who else is around to hear.

But with Quinn, it's always been the nuances that matter, a brush of their hands, their eyes locking across a crowded room that causes all extraneous noise to fall away. It's the quiet shared between them as they drive home after a long day at school and he soft words sung within the confines of a small space that is meant to come from the heart and convey everything.

Rachel sees it at work once again when Quinn leans forward, her hand reaching out to touch Rachel's, soft pressure through tapered fingers, a connection that should not mean as much as it does. However, knowing how reticent Quinn could be, it was only these small moments that gave it away that she does feel something for Rachel. It's the words unspoken as much as the few words said and all in all Rachel feels that tiny flame of hope still burn brightly within her.

And that is what keeps Rachel in her seat staring out the window as Quinn finally makes her way to her house. She guesses that Quinn will turn around and when she does, Rachel waves only to be surprised when Quinn walks back towards her.

"Did you happen to find the Garcia Marquez?" Another thing they had found in common was their love of books or to be more accurate used books, preferably first editions. They're not expensive but just difficult to find in Lima. Quinn had brought her to the two used bookstores on Sycamore where they spent the afternoon browsing and talking. Finding out that they both loved  _The Little Prince_  and the fact that Quinn had read it in French made it all the more amazing.

Rachel shakes her head and is surprised when Quinn opens the car door, "Come on, I'll give you my copy." It's close to 10pm and Rachel's tired but Quinn's offer overrides her fatigue. There was just no way she could say no to spending just a bit more time with the blonde.

As she enters the door, she realizes that she's never been in Quinn's house. Finn had told her about his previous visits. Glossing over the hot tub incident and the time he stood there as her dad kicked her out. His description was relatively spot on regarding the interior, dark like Wayne manor but so not cool like that.

Rachel does not take the time to look around, instead following Quinn towards the main staircase until she's stopped in her tracks by someone calling out Quinn's name. It's not the voice but Quinn's reaction to it that puts her on her guard.

It's the way her shoulders tense and her chin juts out but her eyes are downcast when she turns around to face her father who is standing in the passageway, a drink in his hand. He's swirling the amber liquid in the glass, his eyes caught between his drink and his daughter.

"You're late." He says it like it's an accusation even if his demeanor is relatively relaxed as he takes a sip of his drink.

"I told mom I was going out." Quinn's voice is flat and hard. Rachel wants to stand next to her, to take her hand and offer some kind of support only she knows that neither Quinn nor her father would appreciate the gesture. So she stays stock still, holding her breath as the scene plays out.

"This is still my house." His voice rises just a bit as he stares at his daughter, his eyes boring into her.

Quinn refuses to look at him, instead looking off to the side as she meets Rachel's eyes.

"Don't test me Quinn." His words are just a bit louder than the previous ones, Quinn's continued disregard for his words getting to him.

"Or what?" Quinn spits out the words. "Mom may think you've changed and she may want you but I don't." She finally looks at him but does not move even as he takes a step forward.

"Don't talk to me that way. You're a disgrace to this family. You're worthless, useless and completely-"

He's cut off by the small brunette next to his daughter, her words sharp and succinct as she stands before him, arms akimbo.

"Shut up." Rachel's to the point of shaking with anger as she finally steps forward. Hearing Quinn's father's words spur her into action because she cannot in any way comprehend how he could actually say such things.

"How could you?" She shakes her head even as she sees him sneer down at her.

"Who do you think you are little girl? I know you, where you come from." He turns his attention back to his daughter. "And you, don't think I don't know what game you're playing. But this…" He points to Rachel with his glass before taking another sip. "This is precious." He scoffs as he says the word.

He remembers a time when Quinn had needed his approval, proving her worth by belittling others. Rachel Berry's name had come up so many times in so many different ways but the gist of it was always the humiliation that his daughter had inflicted on the girl.

Right now, he still has the arrogance to believe that despite her words Quinn was trying to do something similar, maybe to prove to him that she was still his daughter and was seeking his approval. "Quinn used to tell me about you." He looks at the shaking girl standing in front of him.

"How no one actually liked you. So tell me, do you think my daughter likes you?" He sees her glance at Quinn, her face falling so obviously such that he finally realizes something. "You think she likes you." It's the blush coloring her cheeks that gives her away.

He laughs out loud as he looks at his daughter who finally looks away. "She doesn't like anyone because no one in their right mind could like her." He finishes the last of his drink before turning around to get himself another.

"You're wrong." The girl's voice wavers but he has to give her credit that she's not crying although he expects her to when he finishes with her. He turns around to see her glancing at his daughter who does not look as cocky as she did when she was confronting him.

"Quinn does have people who …like…who love her. She's amazing and so special and unique. She is loved." Rachel turns to Quinn as she says the words because she means them and needs her to know that they're so true.

He cuts her off, "By whom? Who could love her? You?" He sees defiance which makes him angry. "You're nothing and I used to think that people like you would taint her. But you know what? She deserve you because she's nothing too."

Rachel cannot imagine dealing with such hate and ignorance from a parent but she realizes that it's what Quinn has been dealing with. And the unfairness of the situation finally makes her cry. "You're wrong. You're a bigot and a hateful man and Quinn is nothing like you. And she will never be like you."

He steps forward, his hand raised and its only Quinn's quick reflexes that saves Rachel as she pulls the brunette behind her. Russell's glancing blow just catching her chin as her head snaps back.

Quinn ignores the sting as she tugs on Rachel's hand, pulling her towards the door. She ignores her father's words even as she rushes past her mom, who's finally roused out of her stupor.

"Quinn, honey,…what's going on?" Judy had heard the commotion and had contemplated not intervening. Only she does love her daughter even if she could never fully show it and seeing Russell raise his hand was just unacceptable. "Quinn, please." Only it's too late as she sees her daughter and her friend rush out the front door.

Rachel allows herself to be guided as her brain tries to play catch up. All she can process is the fact that Quinn's dad had tried to hit her but Quinn had saved her. It's only when they get to her car does Quinn turn to look at her.

"Are you ok?",

"He hurt you…"

Their voices overlap as Rachel reaches out to touch the side of Quinn's chin. She can see that the full impact of what occurred has not as yet hit Quinn until this very moment as Quinn's hazel eyes widen with the knowledge of what just happened.

And this time, it's Rachel who takes the lead as she quickly opens her car door and guides Quinn inside. She can see shock registering on Quinn's face as she begins to hyperventilate. Rachel drives off, knowing exactly what she needs to do and hoping that Quinn allows her to do this.

"I'm taking you home." She holds her breath as she hears Quinn finally breaking next to her. She desperately wants to reach out to the blonde. To take her in her arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Only she's not sure if she can offer any form of comfort to Quinn or even if Quinn would accept it. So she holds her breath and waits.

The word is so soft and pushed out along with Quinn's harsh breaths. "Okay."

**End Part 15**


	16. Fix You Pt 2

_**Fix You Part II** _

_**And high up above or down below**_

_**When you're too in love to let it go**_

_**But if you never try you'll never know**_

_**Just what you're worth**_

_**Lights will guide you home**_

_**And ignite your bones**_

_**And I will try to fix you**_

She drives all of three minutes, her foot pressed firmly down on the accelerator before the sound of Quinn keening becomes just too much to bear. Rachel pulls over on the shoulder and unbuckles her seatbelt as quickly as possible and then unbuckling Quinn's before pulling Quinn towards her. She expects resistance and is unsurprised when she feels Quinn push at her, her head down and her hands in fists. And all she utters is the one word.

"Please." It's asking and granting permission at the same time. It's telling Quinn that she needs to do this as much as Quinn needs it to be done. Quinn finally give in. The blonde brings hands under Rachel's coat and wraps them tightly around her back as she buries her head in the crook of Rachel's neck. Her hot tears stream down as she mashes her lips together like she does not want to utter any sound even as her sobs rip through her body and escape from her lips.

"Let it out. It's okay. I'm here. Please just let go, I've got you. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Her litany of words are meant to soothe even if she knows that nothing really can because Quinn is breaking and neither words nor her presence could change that.

"I love you." It slips out automatically and unbidden because it's always there in her thoughts, her actions. It's constant and ingrained. Rachel does not realize it until she feels Quinn stiffen in her arms. She wants to apologize and maybe take the words back. She want to just go back to a few seconds ago when all she was trying to do was offer comfort to Quinn and not complicate an already complicated situation.

"Why?" Quinn gulps in air as she feels her world shrinking even further because her actions tonight will have consequences and her mom wasn't going to choose her over Russell. All of this meant no help with college tuition and definitely no roof over her head. It's a lot to process but to hear Rachel's words, so sure and direct, like she's someone who deserves to be loved and who deserves to be happy, is even harder to process. "I…. can't love you back."  _Not yet._ It's always the words she can't say.

It's never easy hearing the truth but Rachel's had so much practice and she's been so prepared for this that she doesn't even cry as hope flickers out again. "I'm…I…I never expected you to." It's the truth on her end as well. Might as well go for broke now that they're at least talking about it instead of pretending that it didn't exist and letting herself go on believing believe that there was a chance.

"You're so amazing and you just have to remember that." She sees Quinn shake her head at her words and wonders what it will take for Quinn to see and accept who she was. "I know I'm Man Hands Berry and... and most people think I'm a joke but..."

"Don't." Quinn's voice comes out in a strangled whisper at Rachel's words.

"I'm going to be on Broadway someday." She's been certain of only a few things in her life. "And apart from that, the only other thing I know for a fact is that I love you because I can't not…love you."

Quinn feels the muscles in Rachel's back contract as she moves closer, Rachel's words whispered in her ear. She accepts that the proximity of the brunette is in no way making her uncomfortable. Instead, she feels safe, Rachel's one hand on her thigh and the other around her shoulders.

"I…don't know how…" Quinn trails off. She's tried so hard to feel something for so long only to accept that maybe she couldn't because she didn't deserve to. Finn was safe, he accepted she had wanted to wait and never questioned when she would shut down his advances and attribute it to Celibacy Club.

Puck had at least been honest with her in telling her exactly what he wanted from her. She had felt flattered and thought that maybe just one time wouldn't hurt because she needed to feel something. Only it had taken five minutes and all she felt was used even if it had been her choice as much as his.

She didn't even want to think about Sam and how all she wanted was to try to go back to the beginning even if she really didn't know where that was. By then, it was just about appearances because she had lost everything.

"How to…love?" Rachel's always wondered if Quinn had really loved Finn. With Puck, she could at least see a connection during the latter part of sophomore year. Maybe it was Beth growing inside her or just the need to bond with someone but Quinn had at least seemed settled and for a while, happy.

She waits for Quinn to acknowledge her question as she pulls back slightly taking her hand off Quinn's thigh only to have Quinn's hand cover hers. She tenses but does not move, not wanting to disrupt whatever this was becoming.

"Yes." It's not a difficult admission to make although it makes her feel like the failure her father knew her to be. She's surprised to see Rachel's small smile before she meets Rachel's eyes.

"Maybe…maybe you just haven't found the right person. It doesn't mean that you can't love. It just means that somewhere, there's someone you're meant to be with. Someone who will show you just how much you mean to them and how you make their life complete and someone who hopefully will tell you what they see in you and make you understand how very special you truly are. There will be someone who sees you and who will show you what they see in you."

Quinn feels this pull. It's always been there, even if she never wanted to acknowledge it. It was always easier to hide or deflect or ignore because acknowledging it meant opening herself up to being different. And she knew what her parent's expectations of her were. So trivializing it and forcing herself to accept less even if all it made her was unhappy had been necessary.

Except, now that she's lost her home again and possibly her future, she's actually not unhappy. She's scared and a bit shell shocked but sitting in Rachel's car, hugging the brunette as she hears Rachel's voice sure and true….finally feels right.

"Ask me." Quinn can't do it without Rachel's permission. She wants to kiss Rachel but won't give in, not unless Rachel allows it. She's not pledging her love but exploring a need. It's always been there and maybe just accepting it was a start. Maybe that was really all she could do and this would not amount to anything more than a flirtation.

Deep down though, she knows it's more than that and what she's asking for and accepting is so far removed from her comfort zone. Only, it finally feels right not because she thinks she lost everything and wants to hold on to something. It feels right because she's lost everything but can still feel like her life isn't over because…because Rachel's holding her and telling her in that beautiful voice of hers, that somebody loves her.

"Please, just ask me."

Rachel has to blink a few times to convince herself that Quinn's speaking to her. And when she finally establishes that fact, she's stuck with not really understanding what Quinn wants from her. She wants to hope and to dream that Quinn is asking her what she wants the blonde to ask her.

She's been disappointed too many times so she cannot jump in here because she doesn't have that hope anymore. "What, Quinn? I..I don't know what you want from me." She's not ashamed to admit that she's at a loss here. She's really given her best, providing comfort and telling Quinn it was ok that she didn't reciprocate her love. She just couldn't do more.

"Ask me to …ask me to kiss you." It takes all of her will power to get the words out but she does even if she can feel the tendrils of fear take root. But she knows that she actually does want to do this. Unlike her previous attempts where she hid behind her power trip and used all the excuses she could, this was something she could not deny wanting.

Rachel lets out a ragged breath and suddenly everything feels like it's at stake; her heart, her future and to a certain degree, her sanity. She hears Quinn's words. It registers on every level with her, physically and emotionally. She wants this so badly but she's been caught like this before. Each time after each previous encounter, she's just felt wrecked.

And she can see Quinn's actually reached her limit as well. Her hazel eyes are wide and Rachel can see fear in them as Quinn just stares at her. Her breaths come just a tad more labored as she waits for Rachel's response.

It comes down to a choice really. And once Rachel accepts that, she knows exactly what that choice should be. "Kiss me but please don't break my heart." Quinn swallows her words as the blonde presses forward, her hands tangled in Rachel's hair.

Their mouths meet, not for the first time but this kiss is so very different from the others they had shared. Each one of the previous encounters were not a match of equals but more like a battle of wills and needs. They both want this kiss equally. Quinn pours herself into the kiss, still unable to verbalize anything but knowing that she could show Rachel exactly what she was feeling.

The kiss is searing, it burns with so much emotion and all Rachel can process is that it makes her believe again. This was the first kiss she had been missing all along, her hand at the back of Quinn's neck while the other lays flat against her cheek. Their point of contact shifts with each moan from both of them.

Quinn's teeth graze her bottom lip even as Rachel's tongue fights for dominance. Then Quinn shifts slightly and kisses the side of her mouth, it's too directed not to mean anything as Rachel realizes that it's the facsimile of the kiss she had given the blonde when she was sleeping in their guest room.

"She pulls back slightly. "You…you were awake?" She's not afraid to hear the answer, not after this amazing kiss. And she sees Quinn nod to her question.

"And you still wanted to be friends." Again Quinn nods and Rachel wonders if she's been trying all along to open herself up as well.

"So what now?"

Quinn's voice is low and filled with uncertainty. She's used up every ounce of her courage she had with walking out of her home and then actually kissing Rachel. The kiss signified the start of something because she really wanted more even if she could not exactly articulate that want.

She needs Rachel to guide her now because she knows that it's only a matter of time before the enormity of her choice hits her and she panics. "I..I.." And she already feels it starting.

"Hey, it's ok. Quinn, I'm here and we're going to drive to my house." Rachel leans over and tries not to feel a bit hurt as Quinn backs away.

"I'm just going to get your seatbelt." Her voice drops as she buckles Quinn in and she tells herself that it's not always going to be like this: one step forward and then a step back.

"No."

It's not that she doesn't want to go to Rachel's house. But she just can't go like this, like she's slinked off without anything to her name with only a bruised jaw to show for it and Rachel fighting with her dads for her again.

"I need to go back."

"Quinn, your dad…" All Rachel knows is that she won't let Russell Fabray touch Quinn.

"I just want to get my things. Say goodbye to my mom. Rachel….I…This is…I'm scared." She looks down only to feel Rachel's arms come around her.

"I'm going to hope that I'm not one of the things that you're scared of," she whispers in Quinn's ear. "Even though I know I am and what this is…whatever this is will need time." Rachel can feel the tenseness in Quinn's body and she wishes not for the first time that Quinn would just let her in. "I'll drive you back but if your dad is there…Quinn, I won't let him hit you." She has no plan as to how to prevent that, only a strong belief that she will never let it happen.

"I need to see my mom. Tell her…tell her that I do love her but I can't pretend anymore." And she knows that it's been what she's been doing for far too long. Pretending like she was fine and everything was normal, pretending that she hated Rachel and didn't want to feel anything. She was so tired of pretending that she was okay with her dad there and her mom drinking herself into a stupor almost every night.

"He will have gone up to bed and Mom stays up pretty late." She's a bit worried that her mom would be too inebriated by now but she just needs to see her.

#$#$#$#$#

The lights are still on in the house and Quinn is a bit taken aback at the brightness. Normally, there would just be a light on the front porch and kitchen. Her mom would sit at the small table there and pretend to read while sipping from a tumbler filled with gin or vodka.

Her dad would be in their room watching Glenn Beck or whatever on Fox News and waiting for her mom to finally trudge upstairs. Each time Judy would pass by her room and if Quinn was there, she's stand at the door looking at her, like she wanted to tell her something. Her eyes would be bloodshot but she would still be lucid because she looked so immensely sad and resigned.

And for a good two minutes, she would stare at her daughter on the bed or at her desk, not saying anything even though she always looked like she wanted to. She'd finally give in and just wish Quinn good night before turning with her shoulders slumped and walking towards her room.

Quinn walks up to the front door, Rachel next to her, their hands not entwined even if she feels such a strong urge to make it so. It's not that she does not want to hold Rachel's hand but she just needs to prove to herself that she can at least do this one thing.

Her keys are still in her front pocket and her hands are shaking so much that Rachel has to help take them out and unlock the door before placing her hand on Quinn's arm.

"You don't have to do this." She says the words even though she can see Quinn has made up her mind and just needs to take that one step. So she does it instead as she steps into the house and Quinn finally follows.

It's brighter than when she was last here but Rachel's expecting Russell Fabray to jump out at any moment. So like before, she does not pay attention to the décor and just focuses on Quinn as she leads the way to the kitchen.

"Mom?" Quinn finally rushes forward when she sees her mom sprawled on the kitchen floor. "Mom, please, what happened? Are you okay? Mom?" Her voice is thick with tears as she looks over her mom, trying to see if she's hurt.

"Quinnie?" The last thing she remembered was screaming at Russell to leave. She knew he had the capacity to be cruel because she had been its victim. However, she had never expected him to raise a hand to either her or her girls. He could be spiteful and belittling and she knows that Quinn and to a certain degree Frannie had suffered for his words.

But she would never stand by and allow him to physically hurt her daughter even if she was already too late to prevent any of it. She knows she's weak and relying on all the wrong things. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm not strong like you."

There are moments in time when saying just the right thing makes all the difference and for Quinn, she's had a few of those tonight. Having Rachel reaffirm their friendship had been the first. Then to have the brunette understand how frightening all of this was for her but still want to offer comfort was just as important. But now, to have her mother tell her she was the strong one when all the while she had always thought of herself as weak was maybe the most surprising.

Her father had always had this view of the world and their place in it. Try as she might, she never quite fit the mold and every time she conceded a part of herself to do so, she felt like a failure to herself and her family. She knew she could never win and because of it felt like she could never, would never, be herself fully.

Only her mom thought that she was the strong one and it makes her feel like she's not completely lost because she does have someone. And right now, she can help her mom.

"Come on, We need to get you upstairs." Even without asking, Rachel's already taking her mom's other hand as they slowly get Judy to her feet. She sways before clasping onto Quinn's and Rachel's hands.

"I'm so sorry." She can't seem to stop herself from apologizing to her daughter. She's apologizing for not being the mother she should have been, for letting Russell terrorize Quinn into being someone she didn't recognize anymore. And she's really sorry for not understanding what her daughter had gone through, ignoring the fact that she had to give up her own child and that no one was there to ensure that she was ultimately okay with all those difficult choices.

Quinn looks over to see Rachel staring intently at her and the expression is not hard to read. It's love and understanding and it makes her heart swell. The fear is there and maybe it will always be there but it's just not as overpowering as it was before.

"Let's just get you to bed and we can talk in the morning." She helps her mom into the bed as Rachel excuses herself to go and get a glass of water for Judy, allowing Quinn the time she needs to maybe say what she needed to say to her mom in private.

Rachel sees Quinn wiping tears from her eyes when she comes back and hovers near the doorway of the room, not wanting to intrude further. But Judy looks at her. She's not really sure but somehow she feels that Quinn may have said something. There is no judgment in her look although she does stare at Rachel as if trying to come to terms with something.

"Umm, I think I'm going to go. Do you need…Are you staying?" She would very much like to take Quinn home and maybe talk about what happened tonight.

"Rachel, is it?" Judy's question takes her a bit by surprise as she nods, her eyes still locked with Quinn's.

"Thank you."

Rachel's not really sure what she's being thanked for but Quinn's small smile at her mom's words speak volumes to her. "I'd do anything for Quinn, Mrs. Fabray." She knows she's already said too much but it's the truth.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow?" She directs her question at Quinn when she sees Judy accept her answer without any further comment. And more and more, she's beginning to be able to divine what Quinn feels as she see the girl's smile get just a tad bigger before she replies.

"Definitely."

**End Part 16**


	17. Daylight

**Daylight**

_**Yeah on this heart of mine**_

_**Ooh and I realize**_

_**Who cannot live without**_

_**Ooh come apart without It**_

_**On a hill top, on a sky-rise**_

_**Like a first born child**_

_**On a full day, and a full flight**_

_**Defeat darkness, breaking daylight**_

She's flabbergasted the next morning when she opens the door to a smiling Brittany while Santana leans against her car with her usual scowl on her face.

"Hey Rachel, are you ready?" Brittany's bouncing on the balls of her feet like she's about to bust one of her complex dance moves. It never fails to make Rachel smile and this time is no different even if she can feel the scorch of Santana's scowl from across the lawn.

"Umm..Hi Britt. What are you doing here?" She's almost sure she hasn't had an episode where she's blacked out and forgot that she's suddenly best friends with the two Cheerios. However, given her recent amazing encounter with Quinn, Rachel still feels like it's all a dream and she's about to wake up to cold harsh reality.

"We're here to get you. This is your house, right? San drove us over but I did recognize the cat next door. Come on, we'll be late for school if we don't get to Quinn's soon." Brittany pulls on Rachel's hand. Only the small brunette actually pulls back, almost tripping her.

"I..I don't understand." Rachel's now completely sure that she needs an explanation with more words and possibly a diagram or two. She almost steps back when she sees Santana marching towards her.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Her voice is filled with exasperation and just a hint of anger. "Just get your things and come with us before I seriously change my mind. Puck already got a earful and trust me, you do not want to hear me cuss you out too."

Rachel looks at Brittany who shrugs her shoulders and finally makes eye contact with Santana, as she holds her ground. "Why are we going to pick Quinn up? I mean why are you coming with me?"

"Because Quinn can be a stubborn ass and…and.." Santana just can't seem to get the words out as she looks around before finally settling down as soon as Brittany takes her hand.

"San told me about your kiss and that you like Quinn." Rachel's close to speechless at Brittany's words and she feels like denying it, not for her sake but for Quinn's. She's still at that point midway between disbelief that Quinn had responded to her last night and complete euphoria that Quinn had actually asked to kiss her.

Though what she remembers most of all is the look of fear on Quinn's face as the events of the whole night finally settled over her. Rachel understands fear. It wasn't a constant companion but it was familiar to her. When she was younger, it was fear of the unknown, of monsters under her bed or outside her window.

When she got older, it morphed into fear of not being wanted by her real mom when she realized her family wasn't like everyone else's. And her fear in High School was about never finding someone who loved her as much as she loved them. With Finn, it had been easier in hindsight but with Quinn, it became a bitter truth that she had to swallow.

And now she was in limbo, feeling both happy and scared, not scared  _of_  Quinn but scared  _for_  Quinn.

"She wouldn't want anyone to know. Even…even you guys, maybe especially you guys." Rachel sees Brittany's face fall at her words and Santana looking more pissed by the second.

"She called me." Santana had been so surprised by the call that she had actually hung up on Brittany in order to take the call from Quinn. It had started out so incoherent that Santana had assumed Quinn was drunk only to find out she wasn't drunk but just scared out of her mind that she was going to hurt Rachel when the brunette showed up to pick her up the next morning.

" _She trusts me." Quinn's voice is filled with so much worry and drenched in fear of the prospect that Rachel trusts her so much. She hears Santana sigh over the phone and can tell she's frustrated as hell and about to tell her off. Only, Santana surprises her when she says something so different from what Quinn expects to hear._

" _So don't fucking screw up. It's not rocket science, Q. You're not stupid and you have to decide if you want this or not and if you don't then yeah, you're going to hurt her and you better do it now and do it quick." Santana wonders at which point in the last week she suddenly became the gay agony aunt to both Quinn and Rachel. It's not a role she wants or will actually carry on with after this damn call. It's just too much pressure and to be honest, it hits just a bit too close to home for her._

" _I…I don't want to hurt…her." Quinn knows that Santana is a hair's breadth away from hanging up but she really has no one else she could talk to besides Rachel. And there was no way she could call Rachel and explain that she was terrified of everything now. And going from feeling completely numb to completely, absolutely scared was just too much._

" _That's not what this is about and you know it." Santana's voice is sharp as she calls Quinn on her avoidance technique that, to be honest, she learned from the blonde as well._

" _I…don't know if I can." It's as close to honestly admitting to wanting something as she can,articulate.. She just cannot deal with actually wanting it in the first place._

" _Then don't" Santana snaps back as she pinches the bridge of her nose before reaching for her mobile phone and punching out a message to Britt._

" _I kissed her."_

_Santana nearly drops the phone but recovers enough to press send before flopping on her bed, knowing that it would take Brittany fifteen minutes to get there and she's resigned herself to talking to Quinn until then._

" _What? Like you accidentally fell on her lips and stayed there." The smirk in her voice is evident as is the slight smile in Quinn's reply._

" _I asked her for permission and then I kissed her." Saying it out loud makes her heart pound but she does not break out in a cold sweat nor does she feel like the wrath of God is about to descend upon her. She really just feels scared._

" _It should feel…"_

"… _Wrong?" Santana supplies an answer that Quinn can only nod to as she stays silent over the line._

" _But it doesn't, does it?" Surprisingly, Santana's voice is understanding. She's only heard that tone a few times before, most recently in New York._

" _It doesn't feel wrong. I just think it is." She's whispering now as she gets the dichotomy of her situation and the parallel she sees with Santana._

_And when Santana sighs again, she can tell that it's no longer out of frustration or that she wants to hang up but more a sign of solidarity and recognizing that they have things in common beyond Cheerios and AP Physics and wanting to win every battle._

" _When did you…How did you accept it?" Quinn's question is so tentative and unsure like she does not want to hear the answer because it would be too difficult to accomplish, or worse, so simple that she could do it if she wasn't so damn frightened._

_For Santana, the only person she had talked to had been her older brother. He had been back to visit just after she and Britt had had their talk with Ms Holiday. He was her biggest fan and had always been there for her. So coming out to him made sense until she actually stood in front of him and said the words._

_The minute he had taken to digest them had been the longest of her life. And if he had denied her, if he had said that it was wrong or sinful, Santana knew that it would have decimated her. He didn't embrace her either. He just asked her one question –'Does she make you happy?'_

_And it's a question she repeats now only to hear silence over the phone as Quinn mulls it over._

_The question in itself is easy to decipher and to be honest requires a simple yes/no answer. Only, there is no yes or no answer because what she feels is too damn complex to pare down to that. Kissing Rachel was an experience unto itself. It set her nerve endings on fire and made her feel like she wanted more of everything Rachel could give._

_But that was just physical. Having Rachel as her friend meant so much more. The parameters of their friendship were not remotely like Santana's and hers because it didn't entail competing for anything. It was about singing in the car on their way to school and sharing notes in English Lit. It was about movie nights on Fridays and calls on Sundays to talk about nothing. It was about feeling something as opposed to feeling nothing and most important it was feeling like someone who mattered and who mattered to someone._

" _Regardless of how she makes me feel, I'm going to hurt her because I don't know how not to." Quinn knows she sounds resigned and to a degree she thinks that it is inevitable that she will somehow screw up. It is always easier to accept that than to fight it._

" _You're a piece of work, you know that?" The simmering anger comes boiling out of Santana as she hisses thought the phone. "You're a coward, Q. And the only reason I know that for a fact is I was a coward too. Probably still am but nowhere near the levels you have managed to scale."_

_Quinn sucks in a breath as she hears the words, instinct pushing her to deny it. Only she really can't because deep down, she knows it's true and she was the only one who could stop it. She also knows she can't without help. "Rachel's coming to pick me up tomorrow."_

_She hears Santana take a breath but remain silent._

" _Maybe…maybe we should all go to school together. You and Britt, me…maybe Puck and…and Rachel." Safety in numbers is what she's using to justify this although it's also mostly the ability to hide with more people around._

" _Call Puckerman." Santana hears the doorbell ring and wonders how fast Brittany actually drove to get over to her place in record time. "We'll get Rachel and then come to get you."_

There's this look that passes between Santana and Rachel. It's completely weird for Rachel to actually be able to clearly read it as she finally relents and steps out of the house. And it means just a bit more when Santana bites down on her lip holding back the snide remark she has on the tip of her tongue.

Rachel cannot for certain know there was one, but the way Santana is looking a bit pained and the way Brittany takes her hand as they walk towards their car gives her enough indication as she smiles for the first time this morning.

#$#$#$#$#$

Puck waits across the street, already on alert in case any one of the neighbors call the police because of his hairstyle. He knows he does look intimidating. He can't bring himself to knock on Quinn's door even if she asked him to.

The one and only time he's been in her house was the night they made Beth. He does not regret anything about that night except for the fact that he didn't understand that the outcome would eventually result in Quinn losing a part of herself…maybe lying about protection.

If he could do it again, he truly believes deep down, he would never have lied to her about protection. Only he also knows that it's too damn late and the best he can do is to try and make up for that in any way that he can. It's only been fairly recently that he feels the ability to finally make up for that one mistake by looking out for her and Rachel and ensuring that they do get that one chance.

He sees the door open and Quinn walk out towards him. She doesn't cross the street but stands there, hands in her pockets as she stares at him. "They'll be here in 15 minutes. You're going to freeze without a hat." She does not invite him in although he can see that the door is ajar when she walks back into her house.

He hesitates for all of a minute before he follows her and takes the cup of coffee she's holding out to him when he finally finds her sitting in the kitchen. It's only then that he finally feels bold enough to tell her about the one thing that has been plaguing him since her brief call last night.

"Just don't hurt her, okay?" Puck knows he can be more specific considering that he could be talking about either Rachel or Beth considering that Quinn had asked for more pictures and perhaps a joint visit sometime.

Only he can see her tense up as her eyes dart around like she's afraid someone would hear or judge her and it breaks his heart a little. "I forgot how you used to smile. How…how your eyes would light up or you would laugh at something stupid I said or more likely did." He only remembers the way she used to be now because she's the closest she's ever been since she opened herself up to Rachel in recent weeks.

"But these past few weeks, when I look at you, I remember. You look better, Q. Like the fuc..like the friggin weight of the world wasn't on your shoulders anymore and we both know that she has a lot to do with that." He feels like he's letting Rachel down by not referring to her by name although he has a feeling that oblique references are all Quinn can take right now.

"So…just please don't hurt her." The look Quinn gives him is difficult to read because he can see fear there obviously but there's also this underlying thing that stumps him. Her hazel eyes are clouded over as her lips part and she blows out a soft breath. She's always been beautiful, the very ideal of beauty even.

He sees all that but finally, he sees something more, like she's realized that she's not defined by the things she thought she needed to surround herself with. Maybe it meant she wouldn't sell herself short anymore and he hopes it means that she's finally better or at least she wants to be better because of Rachel.

Before she can answer him, he hears a car honking outside and can already picture Santana's pissed look. Puck doesn't think Quinn will say anything, but she surprises him when they get to the door and before she opens it, turns to him and says, "I'll try. And If I don't succeed…it's not because I don't love her. She doesn't deserve to be hurt. I just don't know if I can…" It's the most honest she's been in forever and Puck can't bring himself to say anything more so he pulls her into a one arm hug. It's uncomfortable for the both of them because of their shared past. However, it's also needed for them to realize that maybe they could actually move beyond being stuck in the past.

#$#$#$#$#

If anyone had told Rachel that the five of them would be in a car on their way to school without snide words, a fight breaking out or even a disagreement or five about who sits where or something equally stupid, she would have instinctually thought it was impossible.

Only, it's ten minutes into the trip and Brittany's hand is firmly entrenched in Santana's as the Latina drives them to school. The radio is on and Puck is humming to the song as he gazes out the window. And Quinn is sitting next to her, their bodies touching but she can feel how tense the blonde really is. Rachel wants so badly to reach out, but she gets that it would actually ratchet Quinn's tension upwards as opposed to bringing it down.

Apart from the shy hello as she got into the car, there really was no other conversation between them and it had been just Brittany telling them about Mr. Whiskers and his alleged entry into her journal that kept them all riveted or at least distracted.

It's only when Santana pulls up to the car park and they see students milling around and already some curios looks, does Rachel feel like this could all just fall apart even before it starts. It's not just Quinn but even Santana and Brittany as Santana exits her car and stuffs her hands deep within her pockets.

At least Brittany walks next to her, their shoulders bumping every now and then. Puck's next to her, matching her steps and Quinn's just a bit behind. Rachel does not know what to expect so she stares at Santana's tense shoulders and bit by bit as each second goes by and the closer they get to the main doors, she sees them relax.

Then just before they step inside, she hears the taunt, "Well, if it isn't the Pussy Posse." It's Puck who steps forward automatically, blocking her view. But she doesn't care about the words, only how it affects Quinn as she looks to the blonde.

Quinn's head is bowed and Rachel needs to know that she's fine because if she's not, Rachel's very sure she's not going to stop Puck from hitting Rick. And to be honest, she was not above slapping the guy herself.

"What's going on here?" Mr. Schue's voice does not cause Puck to back down as he takes another step towards Rick who's standing at the side with two of his idiot teammates.

"These assholes-"

"Puck" Puck does temper his words even if it's more to do with Rachel reaching out to touch his forearm than Mr. Schue's tone.

"They're the ones who want to start something."

Will wonders if these altercations will ever stop. Each time he gets some of these kids on their side, more come to take their place. He had thought that getting the football players to understand and accept the arts was enough but it was really always going to be a constant battle. 'There's not going to be anything to start. Move along guys." His status as a teacher still meant something as the three boys sullenly enter the school.

"See you guys in Glee?" His question is met with nods and definitive 'sure' from Rachel as he too enters the school leaving them outside when the bell rings.

Rachel finally makes eye contact with Quinn and for the first time, can't tell what the girl is thinking. At least she doesn't see fear or revulsion reflected back in those beautiful hazel eyes. And really, all she can hope for is that Quinn is still willing to give her a try.

She gives the blonde a slight smile before following Puck up the stairs and through the door. She does not expect anything from Quinn and has to stop her yelp of surprise when she feels Quinn's hand take hers as they walk through the hallways.

And all Rachel can register is Quinn's nails digging into her knuckles as she holds on tight to her hand and the way her heart swells at that point of contact.

**End Part 17**


	18. Paradise

**Paradise**

_**When she was just a girl**_

_**She expected the world**_

_**But it flew away from her reach so**_

_**She ran away in her sleep**_

_**And dreamed of**_

_**Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise**_

_**Every time she closed her eyes**_

_**When she was just a girl**_

_**She expected the world**_

_**But it flew away from her reach**_

_**And the bullets catch in her teeth**_

_**Life goes on, it gets so heavy**_

_**The wheel breaks the butterfly**_

_**Every tear a waterfall**_

_**In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes**_

_**In the night the stormy night away she'd fly**_

_**And dreams of**_

_**Para-para-paradise**_

_**Para-para-paradise**_

_**Para-para-paradise**_

_**Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh**_

_**She'd dream of**_

_**Para-para-paradise**_

_**Para-para-paradise**_

_**Para-para-paradise**_

_**Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh**_

_**Lalalalalalalalalalala**_

_**And so lying underneath those stormy skies**_

_**She'd say, "oh, ohohohoh I know the sun must set to rise"**_

_**This could be**_

_**Para-para-paradise**_

_**Para-para-paradise**_

_**Para-para-paradise**_

_**Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh**_

There will always be moments of panic for Quinn and there are still times where she acts detached from everything and the only thing that grounds her is some kind of link to Rachel. It's never the same thing though.

Sometimes it's a physical connection, a touch of their hands or better yet, a hug followed by kisses, behind the bleachers. Once, it was this look they shared as they passed each other in the hallway. Eyes locked and focused such that Quinn actually had to turn around to keep that particular connection until Rachel finally turned into her class.

More times than not, it's been text messages and notes written on thick paper slipped between the eaves of her locker. Rachel knows that Quinn's not being stealthy or trying to hide what they have. It's more about having something that's just between the two of them, a secret they share that makes all the difference because they can be honest and know that it won't change the way they feel about each other.

#$#$#$#$#

' _I miss you'_

' _It's just until lunch'_

' _Doesn't mean I can't miss you'_

' _No it doesn't.'_

' _I feel like some fresh air?'_

' _Are you asking or telling?'_

' _Asking?', 'Rach?, 'Meet me by the bleachers? The couch is still there..'_

' _Ok'_

' _1 4 3'_

' _I love you too'_

#$#$#$#$#$

' _I'm so sorry.'_

The note at least starts off with an apology even though Rachel just does not want to read all the reasons why Quinn still feels the need to not be completely honest with her. It hurts only because she knows Quinn is hurting too. Some days she feels so tired of the push and pull of this relationship.

But then something inevitably happens like Quinn giving her that shy smile before leaning in for a kiss in front of most of Glee Club, sending Finn red with embarrassment and Kurt squealing for joy. Or the time Quinn waited outside her house with a bouquet of lilies so big, it obscured half her body.

What Rachel does not understand is Quinn's propensity to shut down so completely that even she has a difficult time getting through. It's only happened twice before since they walked into school together hand in hand. The last time was because Russell had shown up again and made a scene at the house.

Rachel had thought that Quinn would at least allow herself some form of comfort but she had proceeded to lock herself in her room and all Rachel could do was sit outside the door and listen to Quinn cry. Hoarse sobs finally subsided into quieter ones after half an hour. Quinn opened the door a full four hours later as she leaned against it, almost falling backwards until she felt Quinn's arm grab hers.

Even then, all Quinn had done was to ask her to go home, her voice pleading. And Rachel had not wanted to leave because she could see how much Quinn was hurting. But when she reached out and Quinn flinched, it made her realize that as far as they had come, it was just not far enough.

And it wasn't the first time she went home to cry herself to sleep, hiding her sobs such that her dads could not hear them even if her daddy had given her a look the next morning before shaking his head and telling her that she still had a responsibility to look out for herself.

Even then, at least she knew what had set Quinn off. This time, she has no freaking clue and truly wonders if she'll even get the whole of Quinn and not just parts of her. So she takes a breath and reads the rest of the letter.

' _I know I've never said it. And each time you say it, I feel blessed and scared but know that each time, I feel less scared than the time before. It still does not explain why I've been distant though does it?'_

Rachel shakes her head as if answering Quinn's written question. It started earlier this week and initially, Rachel had been afraid that Judy had started drinking more heavily or Russell had turned up at the house again. Only she had seen Judy at the vegan store actually buying stuff to cook when she came over and by the looks of it, everything was fine at home for Quinn.

Coming out at school had been harrowing for the both of them for all of a week. During that time, Finn had been the one to surprise them the most when he had taken the initiative to confront the hockey team and a few lacrosse idiots. Rachel would never know for sure but the limp he had, the cut above Sam's eye and the bruise on Noah's cheek immediately preceded the end of major bullying and only a few snide remarks that they could easily ignore.

Santana and Brittany were even more overt as if trying to take away some of the spotlight from them. It was such that their hand holding almost became a permanent fixture. But it was also Brittany's first speech as Senior Class President when she introduced Santana as her girlfriend to the applause of most of the student body. Of course that was probably more for the kiss she planted on Santana than her actual words.

So with Kurt and Blaine and Santana and Brittany, their own relationship seemed like just another one. Quinn's occasional moods were still holding them back though.

' _I want so much to be there for you like you have been there for me. And I don't mean only this year. I know you have always tried to look out for me even when I bullied you and called you names.'_

There's a tear stain on the letter and Rachel knows it's always been a difficult admission to make for Quinn. It was the first thing she apologized for after saying sorry for the first two kisses she had taken from Rachel. And even now, she would get this look in her eye when she hears someone call Rachel a name that is not her own. Even if it's just Santana and it's more a joke than not, Quinn would looked pained before she jumped to Rachel's defense.

' _I know you got into NYADA and what I don't know is why you didn't tell me. Your dads are so excited and proud of you and so am I. I love you and I am so proud of you and I want so much to be there for you._

_My mom's college roommate is a recruiter for Yale and I talked to her months ago. It's a long shot with odds so low, it's not even funny. But I get to be near you and it's all I can think about. Seeing you every weekend, taking the bus into New York so that you can show me everything you love about that city and convince me that_ _you or maybe,_ _we belong there. And, even if not Yale then definitely NYU because it's near where you are. Only you not telling me about NYADA maybe means something too.'_

The letter for early admission had come last week and Rachel hadn't opened it immediately. She put off knowing if she got in, for a movie night at Quinn's. They have this tradition of watching Judy's entire collection of movies from the golden age of cinema; which meant Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant and especially Grace Kelly and the both of them trying not to notice the resemblance they see in the actresses to each other.

It's not physical appearances for Rachel but the characters they play and how Quinn gives her a sidelong glance that speaks volumes when they watch  _Funny Face_. It's her hand finding Quinn's as she rests her head on the blonde's shoulder when Jo sees the plane leave. It's the kiss they share when the characters on screen are in the church.

' _I know writing it is so very different from hearing me say it and I want to. It's not that I don't think it or feel it. And it's not for the reason that I know you're thinking.'_

She has no problem accepting that maybe she loves Quinn more than Quinn would ever love her. She knew Quinn wasn't keeping something back but just that Quinn couldn't give of herself easily. Her dad still thinks that she's settling but at least admits that she actually really is happy. And each time her daddy hugs her, she hears him whisper in her ear  _'You deserved to be loved.'_

And she knows that she does and she knows that she is. Just because Quinn can't love her more didn't mean Quinn didn't love her at all. It was something she accepted like the fact Puck would tell her about his video game exploits even if she had no idea what he was talking about and recognized maybe four words out of ten. So, yes, she thought that Quinn just couldn't love her like she loved the blonde.

' _I've never been in love. Or to be accurate, I've never been in love until I realized I loved you too. And I love you so damn much that it still scares me. Because what happens when you realize that you don't love me anymore and I know that I'll always love you?_

' _So I don't know what else to do but to just keep loving you and I promise I will tell you.'_

She suddenly gets it, and there are a few more tears dotting the paper. And all Rachel can do is to take a few deep breaths because right at this second, all she wants to do is to find Quinn and hold her and kiss her and make her understand that she's always going to love her.

"I love you. I do."

She hears the words even as she registers Quinn's presence next to her. She ignores the urge to look around and see if there are people around who can overhear their conversation. All Rachel feels is her heart beating in her chest at the words spoken by Quinn.

But more than that, it's the fact that her heart is whole again, a bit bruised and slightly battered but not broken as she had thought it was. And Quinn had done a lot to find all the pieces she had thought lost forever. Each time the blonde did something like write her a note or call her just because or send her flowers or hold her when she needed it or especially when she didn't…all those moments saved her heart. And right this second, those three words make her feel like nothing can ever change the way she feels for Quinn.

#$#$#$#$#$

"Are you sure?" Leroy looks around, needing to take a seat because he suddenly feels a bit older than he should. It's just the thought of his little girl not being so little anymore such that there is this young woman in his office asking him for permission.

And at least he's thankful that it's not permission to marry Rachel, at least not yet although he's pretty sure that that is coming sooner than he will be prepared for. Even this one was already fraying his nerves although he's pretty sure it's definitely harder on Quinn.

"Yes, sir. I..I love Rachel. I know you may not think that I love her enough and you're probably right that I should love her more. And each day I do. And I know that she'll not talk to me for a few days or maybe a week…god I hope it's not a week…" She trails off as she sees Leroy try and hide his smirk.

"You think it'll be a week don't you?" And she drops her head into her hands at his nod.

"Hiram didn't speak to me for about two when I had the talk with his parents."

"What did they say?" She's a bit less nervous and a bit more optimistic only to groan audibly when she hears Leroy's answer.

"They said no." And he does feel a bit bad for playing with her like this because he can see that she's trying and more importantly, he's seen his daughter and how she positively glows. "Only I wasn't asking as much as demanding they accept me without giving them any reason to."

He sees a lot of himself in Quinn and the one thing he notices the most is the fact that she truly does love his daughter. Even if she didn't show it at first, he can see her trying so hard now. "Rachel's going to be angry at me more than you so you have to tell her I said this." He smiles when he sees her surprised look.

"You don't need my permission to move to New York and be with my daughter. I think she's going to be angry that you're giving up Yale for NYU and that is a conversation you need to have with her and not me."

"I don't feel like I'm giving up anything but like I'm gaining everything." It had been a surprised to get her acceptance into Yale but the fact that all she felt was the weight of not seeing Rachel every day made her final decision so damn easy.

"She's not going to see it like that and to be honest neither do I." Leroy won't admit to liking Quinn Fabray like he won't admit to accepting Noah Puckerman as part of their family. In the end though, he's always made extra desserts because Puck had the sweetest tooth known to man and Quinn loved his daughter enough to want to give up her future for her.

"She loves you and I know you love her. You'll talk daily and spend weekends together. And you're going to both need to grow up and understand that there's more to life than Lima and you're both going to need the time to understand what being a grown up truly means." He sees Quinn shake her head and knows that she's as stubborn as Rachel is although Rachel did get that particular trait from him. So he can be a stubborn ass too.

"You think you're doing this for Rachel, for both your futures but what you're doing is giving up your future and there is no way I'm going to let you do that much less Rachel." He finally sees her understand what he's saying even if he finally looks away because he knows she actually gets that he cares for her too.

"So my answer is no because you deserve to find your own way knowing that my daughter will always love you and Rachel deserves to know that you love her enough to be with her even if you're seventy miles away. "

#$#$#$#$#$#

"Please don't be mad" Rachel used to tell her that she could just tell what she was thinking by looking at her eyes and Quinn feels the same way. Only Rachel won't exactly look at her. She had listened to Leroy Berry and told Rachel the truth or at least tried to until her girlfriend stormed out of the room.

At least she didn't leave the house, instead curling on the sofa downstairs as she stares her hands wringing together which Quinn hates to see because she knows what it means.

"I'm not mad." Rachel won't look at Quinn because she knows that when she does, she'll not be able to get what she has to say out before she just kisses the girl. And right now, she knows that it's important to just say the words first.

"I never told you about NYADA when I first got the letter because I just wanted to spend time with you and not think about when…"

"When we're finally apart?" Quinn finishes her sentence when Rachel finally looks up at her. "So you're ok with us being apart?" It hurts to see Rachel nod but Quinn's figures she needs to get used to feeling hurt.

She frowns when Rachel silently goes to the study and all she can hear are drawers opening and shutting before her girlfriend appears again, arms overloaded with thick folders colored red, blue and green.

And when she finally gets to look in Rachel's eyes, all the hurt she thought she felt falls away because all she sees and all she knows she'll ever see is love reflected back as Rachel hands her the red folder, its front marked with the words Transportation.

When she opens it, she's assaulted with every single mode of transport and directions between New York City and New Haven, travelling times and a little key denoting comfort level, mode of transport, distance and number of stops.

"I started that the day you told me about Yale." Rachel hands her the next binder, this time the blue one. This one is labeled Townships. And when she opens it up, she sees all the towns between New York City and New Haven, each one with a summary of living conditions and the different types of dwellings available.

"Staying on Campus for the first two years is important but after that, we could choose somewhere in between. It'll be a commute for both of us but Stamford's nice or maybe New Canaan." All Quinn feels is this pressure around her heart, not pressing inwards but expanding out, like she finally feels everything and finally gets what it means to love someone so much that it makes her heart swell.

She feels Rachel's thumb swipe at her cheek but she really can't help the tears now. "Happy tears, right?" And all she can do is nod and smile tremulously back before Rachel takes the folder and replaces it with the green one.

This one doesn't have a title on the front and she really does not know what to expect until she opens it to see it filled with letters, photos and screenshots of text messages. All of them from her to Rachel and back and photos of them from the start of Glee club to the present. The binder is only a quarter filled and Quinn knows that it will be fuller before they leave for the East Coast.

"You kept everything." There a bit of wonder in her voice although there's a lot of understanding because Quinn knows she'll want as many things as possible that reminded her of Rachel to take with her wherever she went. She already has all their performances that recorded, going as far as to use Puck to scare Jacob into making copies of all the recordings of Rachel that he had.

"We can do this." Rachel takes the binder from her hands and places it aside before grasping both of them in hers. "Having our own dreams won't make what we have any less special and I've already done up a schedule for our first year. It'll be tiring but you're worth it and you deserve Yale."

"And you deserve everything." It's the kiss that always seals her promises as she bends down to capture Rachel's lips. She feels free and young and most of all, she finally feels completely loved.

**The End**


End file.
